Tributes this Mother's Day

This day. This day is chock full of emotion. I get it.

• Prior to 2007 :: Mother's Day was only to be celebrated because I am blessed with a most incredible mother and two amazing grandmas.
• 2007-2008 :: We were in the thick of infertility treatments. I was aching to be a mom. Mother's Day plain sucked and I wanted to die in a hole.
• 2009 :: Hope emerged as we began our adoption journey. I also spoke at our church that Sunday. (The message can be found HERE)
• 2010 :: It was still just Brian and me.
• 2011 :: Then there were 4 Diaz's. My first Mother's Day.
• 2012 :: Then there were 5 Diaz's. Asher joined our family and actually came HOME from the NICU on Mother's Day. Well played, God.
• 2013 :: Celebrating motherhood with 3 healthy children.

On this day, I recognize those women who have forever changed me as a woman and as a mom.

Mom, you truly have shown me how to mother because of your never-ending sacrifice and love for your children. You always have time for us. Constantly celebrate with us. Pray diligently for us. Faithfully correct us. And you still love our Dad. Thank you for loving me in such a way that mothering has come natural to me. I love you.

Grandma Getz, since I was a little girl, you've shown me that it's okay to be me and have applauded my gifts, strengths, and passions. I hope I make you proud. Grandma Neukomm, you've loved your family faithfully and diligently. Thank you for your committed love for us and our God.

My mother-in-law - Laura, you've given me the greatest gift - your son! He is the most upright, loyal, strong, dedicated, loving, and faithful man I've ever known. Thank you for your part in raising him to be the man he is to me and our children.

My sisters-in-law - Zobeida, Liz, Vivian, and Sarah Beth. You are all, sincerely, amazing mothers. 11 kids between the 5 of our families. I'm deeply grateful that my kids get to call you "aunt". I love you all.

The women who long to be called "mom" - SK, BSM, KPS to name a few. I see you today and pray with you. This is not the end.

To the working moms all around me - Rebecca, Jeanne, Kara, Julie, Hana, Tara, Mindy. The way you love your children and are obedient to your calling takes my breath away and pushes me. You help me believe I, too, can do this. You inspire me to kick down walls for our daughters.

To the adoptive/foster care momma's who fill me with hope and joy and compassion, especially Erin. You remind me I'm not crazy. You validate, instruct, and give grace to my "kiddos from hard places" and remind me that parenting them isn't "just like" parenting my bio son. You affirm the great calling that is adoption and love me on the good and hard days.

Finally, to the mothers who made me a mom - Judah and Addise's birth mothers. I weep when I think of the necessary sacrifice you made for your son and daughter. It is my greatest privilege and pleasure to mother Abebayehu and Tarike. They would make you proud and filled with joy. We love them as our own, no matter what. You have my greatest respect and affection.

And now, a few pictures of the wonders that make today a very, very good day...

I love how they love each other.

The ones who call me "mommy". The sunglasses hide my tired eyes, my tears of gratitude, and the sparkle in my eyes that they bring to my life.

It really is unfair how cute my kids are. :)

Brian surprised me by taking us back to where 1-year ago we celebrated Mother's Day while Asher was in the NICU. This Mother's Day he partied with us.

Flowers from a friend who thanked me once again for giving that "real" Mother's Day talk 4 years ago.  A reminder that our whole stories are worth sharing. Always. And that sharing our pain really can become a platform for transformation.

Mother's Day 2012. Asher came home from the NICU!

2012 :: Leaving the hospital. The little nugget in the background is Asher.

One year later. Pure goodness.

11 Months | Two Sides of this Story

Are you a good news or a bad news first kind of person? Today contains both a happy story and a hard one. But maybe not what you think. I'll start with the hard story...

Today Asher is 11 months, which is mostly a happy story though I cannot believe he is nearly ONE YEAR OLD. It's hard to fathom that he's nearly a year, maybe it's the lack of sleep and general chaos of our life that's causing the blurriness in my memory. But that's not the really hard part. The hard part is that Addise was 11 months when she came home and we didn't even see a picture of Judah until he was over twice that age. Lump. In. Throat. 

As Asher approached 11 months, I could feel my emotions rising. Math cannot count the endless hours I've spent rocking Asher, the number of kisses I've given him, the hours of sleep lost, the amount of pictures and videos capturing his every milestone and adorable baby-ism. It's when I think of the sheer number of moments and days we've lost with Judah and Addise that my heart about becomes undone. My momma heart can't hold all we've missed out on with our oldest two. So, as we mark Asher's 11 month of life, the sting of the loss of adoption strikes again.

Moving on to the happy story, this little guy is beyond fun and sweet and strong and smiley and oh-so active. Brian and I look at each other with tears in our eyes all the time in wonder for his miraculous life.

whatevs, mom...

One happy baby in his big boy stroller and handmade blankie. (We love Gigi and Guka!)

Can the faux hawk stay forever?

Exploring is his full time job. He's discovered the Tupperware drawer. Apparently, he's also working out on the side...look at those muscles!

I mean...REALLY!?!?

First time riding the carousel at Disney with Daddy.

Eating in his highchair these days and forever curious with how things work...just like his big brother.

These days Asher is crawling at Mach speed, collecting bumps and bruises on his forehead as he learns to walk, talking up a storm, and eating finger foods - preferably sour/salty foods (his fav are grapefruit (!!), blueberries, and veggie chips). He smiles like it's his job and he wins the affection of everyone he meets. Stranger danger has also moved into his body and he pouts and whines when his fan club takes him away from his parents, which is simultaneously endearing and infuriating for said parents.

He's obsessed with Judah and Addise and prefers to play with their toys than his silly baby toys. In fact, his preferred toys are remote controls and iPhones...such a boy!!! He wakes up earlier than his sibs and while mommy's making coffee, he's been known to speed crawl down the hallway, bang on their bedroom door, and yell for them. When I finally open the door, he races toward Addise's bed, giggling and talking all the way. The feeling is mutual.

Asher loves giving open-mouth kisses. Highlights of his daily life include early morning snuggles with mommy and daddy in bed and afternoon naps with his daddy. The latest development is his emerging strong-willed personality. When the little dude doesn't get his way (especially taking remotes and phones away from him), full-on tantrums are thrown. WHAT THE HECK? Aren't we a year early on this one? He must be Brian's son. ;)

He's pure delight. Please stay this little forever. Deal?

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl.

February 9th we celebrated Addise's third birthday. It was a weekend, actually, including a day at Disney (using our expiring annual passes...sob), presents, making strawberry cupcakes with homemade frosting, reading Dr. Seuss' "Happy Birthday to You!" and lots and lots of kisses.

Addise is like none other. Everyone who knows her in real life has stories and facial expressions and flamboyant words describing our daughter. She is more LIFE in her little (?) body than most anyone I've ever met in my entire life. Brian and I often swap stories after we've tucked her into bed at night. Sometimes the stories are merely non-verbals of head shaking, stifled giggles, and utter speechlessness. Brian and I are constantly remarking at her unfair beauty. She may be the most gorgeous little girl I've ever set my eyes on. We love her with intensity and beauty and (at times) exasperation. Perhaps we love her that way because she is all of those things and more.

This was a big year for our girl. She's grown in every way and way too fast at that. If a picture is worth a thousand words, how about a dozen or so? Images to capture her transformation...

The first time we laid eyes on our girl. She was 6 months old. Those eyes. Those lips. Those rolls. Those eyebrows. It's still too much to contain.

Addise was home for 3 weeks before we celebrated her 1st birthday! This was also her first taste of sugar.

Her 2nd Birthday.

It's too bad she doesn't have a personality :)

Learning to be a GREAT big sister. Yes, she's very charming.

Double true! To say she is dramatic is very undramatic. "Only the girls." I savor the moments when it's just us girls together. She still LOVES to snuggle and cuddle with me. Some of my favorite "asks" from Addise are: "Mama, rock you? Mama hold me? Mama I sit on your lap?" Words impede my ability to say how crazy I am about this one... She is the best (and worst!) parts of me and teaches me daily what it's like to live with passion and joy and energy and love and strength and humor and attitude and tenacity and tenderness and persistence and vulnerability and expectation and belief and goodness. Parenting Addise requires our best and we joyfully give it to her.

Did I mention that she's a great big sister!??! Beach sand + a billion curls = no bueno

It felt like we were potty training her ALL of this past year. Finally, she's got it. Mostly. Only during the day; not at night. Victory?

Me: Addise, can mommy take your picture? Addise: CHEESE!

She's a little fish. And kinda loves the camera.

Looking much too grown up.

Dr. Seuss character? Bath times are favorites. Maybe because they're a little more rare these days. Oops.

To say she adores her daddy is an understatement. This picture captures one moment in a series of about 5 minutes where she teased him to kiss him. But instead of kissing him, she kept licking his face. Her giggle is infamous and contagious in our home.

Playing at Disney. One of our favorite things to do as a family!

At her 3 year doctor appointment. She's in the 90% for height and weight. She's 39 inches tall and 37 pounds. Apparently she can also read upside down. Genius child.

She got the baby doll for Christmas and the outfit for her birthday. She's learning to play with her babies and accessorize. :)

There ya have it. Our girl. Grateful God chose her to be ours. I'll close with the promise of hope we gave her when we dedicated her at our church.

Jeremiah 31:17:

"They will come home and sing songs of joy on the heights of Jerusalem. They will be radiant because of the Lord’s good gifts— the abundant crops of grain, new wine, and olive oil, and the healthy flocks and herds. Their life will be like a watered garden, and all their sorrows will be gone."