Sleep

I'm fairly confident that we hold Asher while he sleeps far too often. Except for the fact that this is the only infant we will ever snuggle in our family. I'm quite certain we've spoiled him by how much he's held during naps and at night before he goes into his crib. But I wouldn't change it for the world.

From the first day Asher came home, Brian and I knew that he would be the only itty-bitty baby to grace our home. So consciously we made some decisions to soak in every minute of this short season, which included lots of sleepy snuggles. He co-slept with us off-and-on during those early months (something I SWORE we would never do and I love that we did). To this day he falls asleep on our chests for every nap and before bedtime every night. He's never cried it out. During Asher's afternoon nap he sleeps next to Brian on our king-sized bed. Most mornings he comes into bed with us for an hour or so before the day finally awakens us.

I'm sure most people and experts would say we're crazy and frown on our choice. But that's just it: it's our choice. And we've made that ridiculous choice because we are acutely aware that we 1) didn't get to do this with our first two kids and 2) we will never get this time again. Therefore, we spoil Asher and we adore every minute of it. It's holy ground. It's sacred space. It's intimate time with our son and we are grateful for every precious, time-sucking moment holding him while he sleeps...

We've taken a million pictures of our sleeping baby because it's a reminder that when we rest we are held in good hands...

Holding him sleeping on a Sunday morning at church. Per usual.

Snuggling after momma's long work day.

A nightly ritual. (Those eyelashes!)

Heavenly peace...

Brotherly Love

One afternoon I was working from home on the couch. Brian and Addise were out running errands together, so it was just me and the boys. I was in the zone on my computer and things got suddenly quiet. You know in most cases if you have young children, this is probably no good. I was wrong.

As I snuck off the couch I "caught" Judah holding Asher...

I leaned in to see what was going on and I heard Judah whisper, "I love you baby brother, no matter what."  And then Judah kissed his baby brother.

About 20 minutes later a similar moment happened. Judah was snuggled on the ground next to Asher and whispered to him, "Love you so much, Asher".

Judah didn't know I was watching. It was a pure expression of his heart.

We've often prayed that Asher would be a healer for Judah and Addise. That in his little life that he would be filling the gaps in their spirit's that we didn't get to at Asher's age. In that moment, I sensed the Holy Spirit saying, "See, I'm doing it. I'm healing their hearts."

These are the moments when you know all the hard stuff is worth it.

11 Months | Two Sides of this Story

Are you a good news or a bad news first kind of person? Today contains both a happy story and a hard one. But maybe not what you think. I'll start with the hard story...

Today Asher is 11 months, which is mostly a happy story though I cannot believe he is nearly ONE YEAR OLD. It's hard to fathom that he's nearly a year, maybe it's the lack of sleep and general chaos of our life that's causing the blurriness in my memory. But that's not the really hard part. The hard part is that Addise was 11 months when she came home and we didn't even see a picture of Judah until he was over twice that age. Lump. In. Throat. 

As Asher approached 11 months, I could feel my emotions rising. Math cannot count the endless hours I've spent rocking Asher, the number of kisses I've given him, the hours of sleep lost, the amount of pictures and videos capturing his every milestone and adorable baby-ism. It's when I think of the sheer number of moments and days we've lost with Judah and Addise that my heart about becomes undone. My momma heart can't hold all we've missed out on with our oldest two. So, as we mark Asher's 11 month of life, the sting of the loss of adoption strikes again.

Moving on to the happy story, this little guy is beyond fun and sweet and strong and smiley and oh-so active. Brian and I look at each other with tears in our eyes all the time in wonder for his miraculous life.

whatevs, mom...

One happy baby in his big boy stroller and handmade blankie. (We love Gigi and Guka!)

Can the faux hawk stay forever?

Exploring is his full time job. He's discovered the Tupperware drawer. Apparently, he's also working out on the side...look at those muscles!

I mean...REALLY!?!?

First time riding the carousel at Disney with Daddy.

Eating in his highchair these days and forever curious with how things work...just like his big brother.

These days Asher is crawling at Mach speed, collecting bumps and bruises on his forehead as he learns to walk, talking up a storm, and eating finger foods - preferably sour/salty foods (his fav are grapefruit (!!), blueberries, and veggie chips). He smiles like it's his job and he wins the affection of everyone he meets. Stranger danger has also moved into his body and he pouts and whines when his fan club takes him away from his parents, which is simultaneously endearing and infuriating for said parents.

He's obsessed with Judah and Addise and prefers to play with their toys than his silly baby toys. In fact, his preferred toys are remote controls and iPhones...such a boy!!! He wakes up earlier than his sibs and while mommy's making coffee, he's been known to speed crawl down the hallway, bang on their bedroom door, and yell for them. When I finally open the door, he races toward Addise's bed, giggling and talking all the way. The feeling is mutual.

Asher loves giving open-mouth kisses. Highlights of his daily life include early morning snuggles with mommy and daddy in bed and afternoon naps with his daddy. The latest development is his emerging strong-willed personality. When the little dude doesn't get his way (especially taking remotes and phones away from him), full-on tantrums are thrown. WHAT THE HECK? Aren't we a year early on this one? He must be Brian's son. ;)

He's pure delight. Please stay this little forever. Deal?