Post-PCOS

Last month I had my annual lady appointment with my lady doctor. That's not blog worthy but the story is!

Over 6.5 years ago I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), which is the leading cause of infertility in women. PCOS affects as many as one in four women in the U.S. Essentially women with PCOS have hormonal levels that are out of whack, causing them not to ovulate regularly, thus making getting pregnant pretty darn difficult. There are a slew of symptoms (many that I displayed and many I did not) and some pretty serious long-term affects.

After we miraculously got pregnant with Asher I wondered if God had healed my PCOS diagnosis. I couldn't understand how I got pregnant otherwise. But I couldn't be re-tested until after I'd finished nursing my babe and my hormone levels got back to normal. But I sensed my PCOS was my past, not my present or future. 

So back to last month. I asked my lady doctor if she'd re-test my hormone levels because signs showed I'd been healed from PCOS. She ordered a simple blood panel work up. A week later, she email me the results. Here was her response:

7/8/2013  9:07 AM PDTHi April,Good news - all of your blood level hormone tests were normal. No evidence of polycystic ovarian syndrome at this time.

Hallelujah!!!!!!

I don't know why I had PCOS - or for how long...although my personal bias blames a lot on 7+ years on the pill and the food I ate.

I don't know when or why my PCOS was healed - although I suspect it was a lot for my journey of personal brokenness and that God wanted to give us our three kids miraculously, in the order he did! But I'm so very grateful for the healing that's taken place in my body. I feel better than ever.

Thank you, Jesus!

5 + 1/2 His Life

It's hard to believe that our firstborn is 5 years old. July 8th celebrates Judah's 5th birthday (according to his records, though we are suspect of his actual birthdate). Perhaps it's mostly hard to believe he's 5 years old because he's only been with us half his life.

Of course, as midnight was approaching on his birthday, floods of gratefulness and sadness filled me as I remembered his birth mother, his birth family. If you've been following our journey since the early days, you'll know that we had the holy privilege of meeting Judah's birth mother in November 2010 when we became his legal parents. You'll also know that's the only part of his birth story we are sharing with anyone. Judah deserves to be the first to know his whole story.

However, on big days like birthdays I cannot help but go back to those minutes with his birth mother, remember her story, recount Judah's origin story, and grieve once again for the trauma his losses have brought him. Yet his birthday is also a reminder of the reckless love and redemption that exists for orphans and longing parents. Judah's story is a story of grace

and power 

and healing

and guttural giggles

and tenderness for the outsider

and a gentle, warmheartedness for what's right

and a strong conscious when he's done wrong

and protective instincts over his little sister and brother

and lavish affection for his momma and daddy

and profuse "I love you's"

and inclinations toward all things superhero, rocket ships, volcanoes, bikes, and new things

and a tenacity to learn and relearn all over again

and tentativeness toward people and things that are not safe

and a full life.

This boy is someone special.

Just a few weeks ago a friend from church told me this story about our son. A little girl wanted her mom in their class and our friend went to comfort the little girl. Judah didn't know this little girl (other than class), still went up to my friend and asked, "What's wrong with her?" My friend comforting the girl said, "She's just sad and misses her mommy." Judah pulled up a chair next to the little girl, held her hand and said, "It's okay. You can leave. I'll take care of her." My friend did as she was told and went to go look for the girl's mommy. Several minutes passed and her momma couldn't be found so my friend went back to check on the little girl. In a room full of busy, active 4- and 5-year olds, Judah was still sitting next to the little girl, holding her hand.

That's our son. Anointed.

Judah's come a long way in the past 2.5 years. He's physically grown so much - weight, height, teeth, potty trained, losing a language (or two) and gaining another. But he's grown in his security, attachment, confidence, understanding, and heart. His growth is captivating.

One of the first pictures when I laid eyes on my son. He was barely (even?) 2.  8 teeth. 18 pounds here. Brand new in the orphanage in Ethiopia.  We have no pictures before he turned 2.

This about captures us.

3rd Birthday. His first birthday home! (Only 6 months home)

3rd Birthday. His first bike. Notice the blocks taped to the pedals. Our little guy couldn't yet reach them.

3rd Birthday. A million kisses are yours.

He loves his daddy.

4th Birthday. No words.

Hanging out. Learning to stand on daddy's shoulders.

More confidence, sureness, and strength every day.

(Illegally) picking flowers for his teachers.

Our favorite Ethiopian restaurant. Celebrating the beauty of his roots.

5th Birthday. How old are you buddy?

5th Birthday. He's getting bigger and bigger.

5th Birthday. A boy, his daddy, and a lion. Celebrating his day at the San Diego Safari Wildlife Park. Cute kid kept saying he was going to "Africa" for his birthday.  I wrote, "Today was perfectly perfect for a 100 reasons. #1 was my 5-year old son. He delights me. Don't deserve to be his forever mom!"

Deserve? No. It's all grace.

Judah, your name means "praise". And you've filled our life with it because of who you are. This next year, your daddy and I bless you with your life verse from Psalm 117: 

"Praise the Lord, all you nations. 

Praise him, all you people of the earth. 

For he loves us with unfailing love; the Lord’s faithfulness endures forever. 

Praise the Lord!"

Happy birthday, buddy. Can't wait for this next year of your life. I love every single thing about you!

And Then He Was One.

One year ago today, we were holding this newborn miracle. 

Four pounds, five ounces. 16.5 inches. Born at 33 weeks. He was born way too early yet exactly on time. That's the thing about God. 

Today we celebrated the first year of his life...

In line with our multicultural family and community. Asher donned a Korean hanbok. The line of the day was Judah's: "Hey Mom, is that Baby Asher there?" Our family: part Puerto Rican, part Ethiopian, part Caucasian and part Korean. We wanted Asher to wear a traditional Korean hanbok and do the toljiabee where he'd choose his destiny. He was offered a bowl of rice for becoming rich, yarn for long life, an apple for health, ball with the Ethiopian alphabet for athletics, a book for academics, sports wrap for medicine. He chose the apple. :) He didn't hesitate. A friend also loaned us 4 homemade beautiful towers to make it even more special! "Please save me." My Oreo Cookie. Judah is really the BEST big bro and Addise the BEST big sis. I love being their mom. I can't believe I get to be their mom. "LOOK AT ALL THESE PRESENTS!" Why is the wrapping better than the actual gifts?!?! Trying on his new, personalized octopus backpack from Grandma and Grandpa. Cool dude. My boy. I could blubber on about the fullness this little miracle has brought our life. I could wax eloquent on how God exchanges our tears for joy. It would be easy to rattle off adjectives as I proudly share his vibrant personality and this preemie's developmental bounds. Instead, I will leave with a blessing for our second son's first birthday. Asher, you are a miracle. When we named you "Asher Zacarias" we did so with painstaking intentionality and already you are living into your identity. Because God remembered our prayer for a child years ago, you have blessed our life beyond feeble words. Happiness consumes your face and body and being. And you have filled our home with even more happiness. We didn't know we needed you but our whole family has so desperately needed you. You've brought healing and wholeness and simple goodness. As you grow, may you know that you are loved, no matter what. May you remember the God who made you and be a blessing to others because you have been blessed. May you grow into all of who God's created you to be. May your life really count for something good and lovely and noble.  I love being your momma. Happy birthday, baby boy. Just showing off on his birthday. "Preemie" doesn't define this one...