Month of Celebrations, Especially Today!

I love August. This August, in particular, is a month of celebration and joy.

MARRIAGE :: August 5th we celebrated 10 years of marriage!!! It hasn't always been "happily ever after", but it has been a partnership deeply committed to oneness and loving each other through the best of days and the worst. In our 13 years together we've experienced some tough stuff and fought through challenges, but we are more in love with each other and more connected today than we were 10 years ago. Brian has been the most sharpening and shaping person in my life [next to my parents?]. I respect, love, and admire him more than words can say.

We imagined for our 10th anniversary that we'd escape to Hawaii or Europe, but with 2 little ones only home for 6 months, the best we could do was 1 night away in a local hotel. My mom was so generous to provide us 30 hours away from our kiddos to reconnect with each other and enjoy time together. It was an amazing gift...we were crazy excited!

View of the pool where we spent many hours lounging

Celebratory gift from our hotel

We cannot wait for the next 10 years of life and partnership together. The best is yet to come...

BIRTHDAY :: August 9th I celebrated my 32nd birthday. This was my first birthday where I didn't take the day off work and solitude at the pool with my Bible and journal in hand. This birthday started EARLY with 2 toddlers who intuitively must have known it was my birthday. They awoke at 1am, 4am, and 6:30am. I'm sure they meant to wish me happy birthday, but it wasn't my love language [wink]. My mom was still in town and I was able to celebrate with her - what a gift!!!! We ate breakfast overlooking the ocean, my mom gave me a beautiful charm necklace with Judah and Addise's names engraved, our Embassy date, and the quote "chosen. to belong. to be loved."

After a half dozen pictures, this was the best we could do.

MEET THE COUSINS :: This past weekend Judah and Addise met their Puerto Rican/Finnish cousins, Luna and Esa. Since they left, Judah keeps asking for "Muna". They had such a great time together playing at the beach, checking out the aquarium, and hanging out together. We are SO grateful that Brian's sister's family drove 17+ hours each way to meet our kiddos!

The fairest of babies with the brownest of them

REFERRAL ANNIVERSARY! :: Today, August 16th, marks 365 days since we first saw Judah and Addise's faces. You can read the original post about "The Call" HERE. You can read my first thoughts about Judah [Lil A] and Addise [Baby T] HERE. Re-reading these posts, I can't help but weep in gratitude for all God's done this past year in our family. Judah and Addise are miracles. They were brilliantly chosen by our God for our family. They have grown SO much this past year in every way.

One of Judah's referral pictures.
Those eyes and chiclets teeth captured my heart!

The first time I laid eyes on my daughter.
Her lips and rolls wrecked me.

It's hard to describe the year our family has had. We are celebrating so much this month. Recently, I told Brian "I've never been so happy!" We are living in the goodness of God more than we ever could have imagined. We are grateful for the pain. In fact, I confessed to Brian that I'm GLAD we never got pregnant. If we did, we wouldn't be Judah and Addise's parents, and that is impossible to imagine!!! We are grateful for the transformation we've experienced through the heartache and waiting and loss. Brian and I are forever changed by our love for each other and the gifts he's given us in a 3 year old boy and 18 month old girl.

Thank you, Jesus. We celebrate because of all you've done.

Newborns

A wise adoptive momma friend told me a couple years ago that the pain of infertility didn't end for her until her 2 little Ethiopian princesses came home. I didn't believer her, but it was TOTALLY true!

Even since our kids have come home, I've still experienced motherhood grief. The most recent sting was like a punch to the gut. A dear friend had her baby girl 7 weeks ago. The "Diaz 4" were among the first at the hospital to welcome sweet baby Harper into the world.

Several weeks later I saw Liz and Harper at our staff meeting. The scene was classic newborn: Harper got cranky. Liz instinctively scooped up her infant and snuggled her into her chest where her itty-bitty baby cuddled for the next 30 minutes.

As I watched this beautiful scene out of the corner of my eye, my heart and eyes unexpectedly welled. I instantly felt this intense loss of not being able to do that for Judah and Addise. I wondered if their biological mothers had nurtured them like that. I longed to have known them from those teensy-tiny days where they weighed less than 10 pounds. I felt the pang of not being able to bond with them from those first days of life. The first picture I have of Judah is 1 month after his 2nd birthday. I simply wished that I have been a part of their story from Day 1.

This is one of the odd things of adoption. Judah and Addise are 100% my children, and yet there is so much a part of their story that I do not know. It feels like I've birthed them, but there's a gap in knowing them. Adoption is the encapsulation of everything as it should be [redemption, love, reconciliation, healing] and everything as it wasn't meant to be [loss, poverty, death].

So while there is already tremendous healing through becoming J&A's momma, it's not yet complete. Such is the Kingdom on Earth...

Father's Day Shout Out

All of what I wanted to say to Brian about the wonder that is his fathering, I said to him privately [cuz that's how he rolls!]. But I will publicly say that it's miraculous how God so brilliantly chose Judah and Addise to be our children. They fit supernaturally into our hearts, personality, strengths, brokenness, and home.

I knew that Brian would be an amazing father someday, and he is. He exceeds my expectations and I'm speechless at how he's learning to parent by also being parented by our God. He's a remarkable man, and I could not be more in love with this man.

Happy Father's Day, baby!
On another note, I am equally grateful for my Daddy. He is the older, boy version of me. I learned how to change a tire, change my oil, swear, burp, and stand on my own two feet in a man's world [his fatherly goal raising his only daughter] from him. But I also learned obedience to Jesus, sense of humor despite circumstances, hard work, passion, commitment to family, and risk. It's because of having a great father [and mother!] that I could recognize the making of a good father in Brian 13+ years ago. Happy Father's Day, Pops. Love you.

Priceless picture of me with 3 generations of men from my family!