365

What a difference a year can make. 365 days ago we stumbled off an airplane into the arms of sweet friends after a harrowing 40+ hour of flights plus emergency 24 hour DC layover so our new family of 4 could catch our breath after the trauma of our kids' first transcontinental flight.

Proof that we were utterly spent after this trip HOME.

The first time our kids had ever been in a car seat.

365 days ago Judah didn't know a word of English, and Addise didn't have a single tooth.

365 days ago I had no idea how much my heart would expand in ravishing love for our 2 babes.

365 days ago I had no idea how much it'd cost us to raise two toddlers.

365 days Brian and I wouldn't have guessed how many stories we'd tell each other after they went to bed, instead of just talking amongst ourselves.

365 days later, we celebrated our 1 year together at HOME as a FAMILY of 4+1 in a most unusual yet fitting way. This morning, Brian ran his first half marathon (that's 13.1 miles!!) for our friends in Malawi. On behalf of World Vision he raised over $1000 to help build clean water wells. He ran alongside over 700 other World Vision runners who together raised over $350,000 for the forgotten and poor of our world. It was only fitting that with our children, who are no longer orphans, we remembered those who are once like they were.

Celebrating 1 year HOME together!!! Picture just moments after Brian completed his 13.1 mile race in support of our friends in Malawi (with World Vision).

Today, I kissed our babies a little more than often, snuggled them after their naps a little tighter, practiced more patience in their difficult moments, tickled them longer, and deeply thanked our God for our growing family.

Tonight, we celebrated Brian's race and our big family day with PJs, special prayers of blessing, and pizza.

What a difference a year can make! 

Here's to year two as a family of 4+1.

Blessing Baby

A couple weeks ago, shortly after announcing Baby #3's life within me, I walked into a group of about 20 high school students praying passionately. They were declaring their identity in Christ, praying for courage, praying for blessing, praying for more of God. It was every youth pastor's dream.

They stopped praying for a moment, saw me sitting in the back, cheered congratulations for our baby, and asked me to pray. In the moment, all I wanted is for them to pray for me, our family, this baby.

For the next 10-15 minutes these students, whom I've known, loved, and poured into for years, prayed over this baby, our family, and my pregnancy. To say it was moving would be an understatement. Many of these students laid hands on me and passionately prayed all kinds of blessing and prophetic prayers into our family. As one of the students was praying, he announced that this was a Blessing Baby, our baby is a blessing and is to be a blessing. Speechless. I was and am so deeply grateful for every heartfelt prayer submitted before God on our behalf.

At the end of their prayers, their leader spoke this pasage over our family. I couldn't help but think this was exactly what we needed to hear about this unexpected pregnancy...

Isaiah 55:8-13 [The Message]

"I don't think the way you think.
   The way you work isn't the way I work."
"For as the sky soars high above earth,
   so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
   and the way I think is beyond the way you think.
Just as rain and snow descend from the skies
   and don't go back until they've watered the earth,
Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,
   producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth
   not come back empty-handed.
They'll do the work I sent them to do,
   they'll complete the assignment I gave them.
 "So you'll go out in joy,
   you'll be led into a whole and complete life.
The mountains and hills will lead the parade,
   bursting with song.
All the trees of the forest will join the procession,
   exuberant with applause.
No more thistles, but giant sequoias,
   no more thornbushes, but stately pines—
Monuments to me, to God,
   living and lasting evidence of God."

 Out of the mouths of babes, WISDOM speaks.

Expecting the Unexpected

There were a lot of things that we expected when we brought home Judah and Addise 11 months ago. Getting pregnant was not one of those things. SURPRISE - WE ARE PREGNANT! We are expecting a baby and it's completely unexpected! We are currently at 12 weeks.

Ok. Pick your jaw up off the floor. Grab a Kleenex box. Catch your breath. And shout out a couple desperate prayers for us. Then, read on [if you dare] for the saga that has been our Fall.

If you've been reading our story for long, you know that adopting Judah and Addise was our family's PLAN A. God planted that dream in our hearts long ago. However, we expected to have biological children before adopting. Making a deeply long and painful story short, after three years of trying to get pregnant - including over a year of extensive and intensive infertility treatment - we decided to start the adoption process. You can read much of our story on our blog [TIP: search "pain" for many of those posts].

Since becoming Judah and Addise's parents, we have been BLISSFULLY HAPPY. Complete. Whole. The old dream of having biological children had all but disappeared. Most days it feels like I birthed J & A because I so fully know I'm their momma. And then I remember they're black and I'm not. :)

Then, in mid-September I had a DREAM. I don't often dream and remember. But this felt like a dream from God. It was simple: I dreamed I was pregnant and it culminated in a baby. I woke up terrified. I didn't tell Brian because it freaked me out. A couple weeks later we were out on a date and I casually said, "Hey, just so ya know, I had a dream that we were pregnant. And it felt like a God-dream. It's probably nothing, but just in case something happens, I want you to know." What followed was a very brief and freaked out conversation.

As it turned out, I was barely pregnant when I had that dream.

A couple weeks later, I started wondering if something was going on with my body. Too many ODD THINGS HAPPENING IN MY BODY. So, I took a home pregnancy test and it turned positive right away [October 13th]. I immediately called Brian to the bathroom. We stared at the test together and had no words. I had never received a positive pregnancy test before. Scores of negative tests, but never a positive. We freaked out. Brian laughed nervously. Shortly after we took another test. It was like that second line couldn't appear fast enough. I felt light-headed. There are not appropriate words in the English language to describe my emotions that night or in the days that followed.

Needless to say, it's been an EMOTIONAL 6 WEEKS since we first took that pregnancy test and first heard our baby's heartbeat [October 17]. Honestly, I've been grieving and surrendering and embracing our new reality WAY MORE than simply celebrating. It's been messy. I will blog more about this soon, so please hold your judgment until I can explain this unlikely reaction. I will say that after seeing our baby at our most recent appointment, there was much delight and joy from Brian and me. I'm starting to get excited about Judah and Addise's baby brother/sister. And I'm starting to embrace my bulging body. :)

One of the reasons I've been wrestling is because of the "PREGNANCY-AFTER-ADOPTION MYTH". We've expected to hear "we knew you'd get pregnant after you brought those babies home". The truth is that less than 10% of couples who struggle with infertility then adopt EVER get pregnant [many stats place odds around 3-8% and the stats don't budge based on adoption or not]. Ultimately, I feel very sensitive for couples currently experiencing infertility AND protective over J & A never feeling 2nd choice. I will say this until I die: I'm profoundly grateful God chose this path for us because of the immeasurable blessings of Judah and Addise in our lives.

God-willing, Baby Diaz #3 will enter the world around June 10. What happens when you receive unexpected news? Chances are, it reveals something much deeper in your soul. I look forward to sharing honestly and vulnerably what's emerged from my soul as a result of this pregnancy.

Until then, thanks for joining us in celebrating our new life!

PS. In my next couple posts, I'll do my best to respond to whatever questions you post here.  :)