Working Mom :: Our Own Worst Enemy

Myself. Other Women.
We are each others worst enemy when it comes to our choices - and even theology - of being a working mom.

MYSELF :: I am my worst critic when I...

• Compare myself to other moms and their choices. It's so easy to judge myself when I look at moms who stay at home and intentionally nurture their kids all day every day. It's also a lie I believe that their undivided attention is on their child's holistic development every day. I know that moms juggle a lot regardless of their "working" status. Comparison never works and always makes a villain and hero out of those being compared.
  
• Believe the lie that I can do it all and be the best at everything. It's impossible for me to be an amazing wife, mother, friend, pastor, student, daughter, sister...every day. The days when I place that expectation on myself are the days I feel the worst about myself. That's not the easy yoke Christ came to give me [Matthew 11]. Ultimately, I'm called to be a radical disciple of Jesus Christ!
  I've realized that I need to extend a LOT of grace to myself in this season of life. And I'm pretty passionate about surrounding myself with people who will do the same for me. I didn't realize how entirely demanding and [often] draining parenting 2 toddlers can be, even without the other responsibilities in my life. I've found the people that I'm most drawn to these days are also those who are foolishly graceful. I want to be near these people because they will point me toward redemption and growth.
  

OTHER WOMEN :: This sly enemy is most interesting to me. I find that women are brutally judgmental about each other's choices when it comes to raising children and working outside the home. We are quick to judge another's circumstances:

she is greedy [prestige, money, appreciation...].
she doesn't love her children as much as I love mine.
she doesn't have much to offer outside the home.
her husband is controlling.
she cares more about her career than her own children.
she misinterprets Scripture and a woman's role.
she's only thinking about the short-term [or long-term] affects of her decision.
she has to work because her husband doesn't make enough money.

It's jaw-dropping to her insinuations about a mother's choices. And I've heard all of these!

Over the years I've discovered that it's far more mature and wise to not judge another mom's choices about work. More often than not, I don't know the whole story that's led to their decision. And those times when I have judged - and I sure have! - then learned the whole story, repentance is in order.

I've learned that "to work or not to work" is a highly personal and emotional decision. And the women I respect who love Jesus fully make their decisions from a surrendered soul. They seek the voice of God for what their family needs.

My hope is the MORE women would pursue this all-too-important decision with the same prayerful and courageous spirit. I'm grateful for dear friends like Jeanne, Erin, Christina, Rebecca, Kara, Julie, Cassidy, Emily, and others who've gone before me. They've all chosen very different expressions of motherhood and work, but they've done so with thoughtfulness, prayer, and ultimately obediently.

Everyday Miracles

It's easy when you're a mom of 2 toddlers to get lost in the monotony of the ordinary and routine - wake up before you want to get out of bed, change diapers, make breakfast, gulp down coffee as fast as possible so you don't have to microwave it again, hope the kids play so you can clean up the kitchen or check email or make a phone call, put Baby #2 down for a nap, guiltily put on Yo Gabba Gabba so you can get more work done, get Baby #2 up from nap, make lunch...

Serving 2 little ones in the small things has been one of the best things for my soul and one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I've joked that I would crave a complex leadership problem, strategic planning issue, or relational issue to solve OVER changing yet another poopie diaper.

It's been remarkably easy for me to become Judah and Addise's mom. Maybe too easy. It's easy to forget about the 3.5 years that we YEARNED for them. It's easy to forget the number of tears that were poured out as we pleaded for God to work miracles in 2 governments, provide finances, and transform our lives to bring our family together. It's easy to forget about the number of transitions, amount of loss and change our kids have gone through in their short lives. It's easy to forget that we are still learning how to be a family and we're still getting to know each other.

There have been moments in the monotony of the ordinary that I've received glimpses of the miracle that are Judah Abebayehu and Addise Aster Tarike Diaz. In those moments, I've had to choke back tears as I've wiped a butt, massaged shampoo into their scalp, or scooped another bite of applesauce into their mount. Those are the moment when I remember the miracle that is my everyday. The miracle that is my son and daughter.

Here are some snapshots [mainly off my iPhone] of the past several weeks. BTW: it's hard to get 2 toddlers to be still long enough to get a crisp shot. I hope you can see a wee bit into their personalities. They are beautifully and wonderfully made...

Playing on a car at Disney in Toon Town.

Addise's first time on "It's a Small World" at Disney.
She doesn't seem too impressed.

Judah's cashed out after a fun first day at Disney!

There are really no words to adequately communicate how funny this picture is to me.
Brian found our daughter sleeping like this one morning.
I'd like to point out that Addise has ALL those stuffed animals in her crib because she likes to shove her limbs into the crib slats. She's that kind of girl.

Playing with Momma's hand. She laughs and giggles and talks ALL day.
She brings enormous joy to our lives!

We went to the high school retreat for an afternoon and somehow returned with these sunglasses. He LOVES them.

On Addise's first birthday.
My maiden name is "Getz" and I wore this very shirt when I was Addise's age.
Funny thing is, she totally has "Getz" qualities: boisterous, fun, social, and strong willed.

She's totally a goof!

Judah's going "poopie" once or twice a day. MIRACLE indeed.
This picture was on the same day as his 2nd round of immunizations.

Lastly, a quick video of Judah's first time using a spoon. After being home for 2 months, it's enthralling to see their progress. Enjoy!

Catching Up

Does anyone still read my dormant blog!?!? If so, thanks for your patience since Addise's first birthday post. I'm still committed to posting some pictures, but for some reason I'm having some iPhoto issues [definitely user error of some sort] and my days have just been full.

For the past 2 1/2 weeks my wonderful family has been in town showering us with kisses, cooking, grocery trips, spring cleaning, and lots of attention on our little ones. Last night and today I said "goodbye" to them: my mom through tears last night, and my dad, baby brother, and granny after Thai lunch today. They have been remarkably helpful and kind. Their motto has been "whatever you want and is best for the kids". We've seen them display that in enormously selfless and sacrificial ways!!! Our family of 4 got hit with a violent head cold around the day my mom flew into town and at least one of us was sick the ENTIRE time she was here. Most of her trip 2 or 3 of us were sick. I took a 2 hour nap one day on the couch while my mom chased 2 active toddlers around our condo while making dinner. And she did it all with joy. My pantry, freezer, and fridge has NEVER been so full. Brian gasped one night when he opened the freezer and literally faced frozen wall of chicken. Granny and Mom cleaned blinds and ceiling fans and did countless loads of laundry. Cool Uncle Drew instantly had Judah's heart in a way only a 19 year old uncle could. My dad [a self-acclaimed "non-baby guy"] was wonderful with both kids and they adored his boisterous personality. For my whole family, their true joy was sitting on the carpet playing blocks, reading books, pushing Judah in the laundry basket, walking laps around the kitchen with Addise hanging on their fingers. It was a bit divine timing with getting so sick and I was a proud momma watching those who were responsible for my birth see me be a mom. Today's a sad day as I say "goodbye" to my sweet family, and Brian and I continue this journey among our family of faith but without our bio families nearby.

Brian started back at work a couple weeks ago after a generous 3 week paternity leave. I went back to work very part-time last Sunday. Every day is a juggling act: who gets up first? changes the first diapers? makes breakfast? gets to work first? gets to veg on the couch for a few minutes? Gratefully, I married the man of the century who's in this 100% with me and is fully co-parenting our offspring. He changes the same amount of diapers, does the dishes, vacuums the carpet, picks up food off the floor, dresses babies after bath, puts them to sleep...I married a rock star.

We are beginning to think about life just with us when we both have to work like normal and courageously parent Judah and Addise. We're not sure how it's all going to work out yet, but we are continually getting to know J&A - what they like to eat, how they play, how they are growing, their changing needs, and of course their bonding and attachment progress. We trust after I go back to work full time [1 more month], that God will provide the resources and discernment on how we are the primary caretakers of our kids but also remain faithful to our vocational callings.

I promise to post more pictures of our beauties and stories of their progress. Every week we see notable progress, and I'm kicking myself that it's not documented here [or anywhere!]. Parenting "kids from hard places" is hugely challenging but we love Judah and Addise deeply and believe in adoption more than ever. Can't wait to share more about our "2 steps forward, 1 1/2 steps back"...as we affectionately call our days together.

Thanks for still reading. The best is yet to come...