Ridiculous Realities

In the past 3 weeks since our world was turned upside down, there have been a handful of of ridiculous thoughts that have played over and over again in my head...

First and foremost, we have three kids! When and how did this happen!?!?! Brian and I never imagined to be a family of five. God must be chuckling.

We've gone from zero to three kids in 15 months. This is the most ridiculous. In a "normal" family (whatever that is) it's perfect spacing to have a 3.5 year old, 2 year old, and a newborn. But we've fast tracked this baby. In one friend's words, "You are the most efficient family growing couple I've ever met." Thanks? I have two friends who've been faster family builders - going from 0-3 kids in 6 months and 9 months, but this is insane in my world. How God thought that we can handle this is saying something.

Our third child will be the racial minority in our family. This cracks me up. Though Asher shares our DNA and will likely look like us (vote currently is he looks a whole lot like me), he will be the minority child in our brood. Oddly, this makes me smile and amuses me at how God's built our family. Who knows if there will even be more color in our future?!?! :)

Each of our three kids coming home has involved a fair amount of pain and drama. Judah and Addise's painful journey home was expected and the reason I started this blog. I was not expecting pain or drama surrounding Asher's birth and homecoming. But arriving 7 weeks early after a week of tests, blood work, de-cellerated heart rates, umbilical cord wound around his neck twice, sitting breech, and hospitalization creates some drama. I was expecting to calmly bring our third child into this world and sweetly introduce you all to him. But his birth was met with desperate prayers, continuous updates, and now nearly 3 weeks in the NICU without a firm date when he'll come home. Geez, we really know how to be dramatic.

As I've been pumping milk for Asher in the wee hours of the morning, a couple Scriptures have re-centered me and reminded me of what God's up to in our lives...

"We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps." Proverbs 16:9

 "Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning;
         For I trust in You;
         Teach me the way in which I should walk;
         For to You I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8

Even in the midst of knowing my sweet boy won't be home for Mother's Day, I know deep in my soul that God writes the best story for my life.


Looking forward to seeing the story continue to be written...

13 Days Later

Lucky 13. It's been a ride these past 2 weeks.

Asher continues to spend his first weeks of life in the NICU. I've grown to love his nurses, especially Sherry who's been a NICU nurse for 39 years (!!!!), and adore his attentive doctors. They call us regularly with updates on his progress and are always concerned about how I'M doing, too. Asher's wearing itty-bitty preemie clothes which seem more suitable for dolls and wrapped in his aden & anais muslin blankets. He sleeps 23 hours a day. He poops like it's his full time job. His facial expressions are too many to count and change in a millisecond. He now weighs 5 lbs, having gained 11 ounces in his first 13 days of life. But my best news is that he's taken 5 full bottles since yesterday!!!!! He still needs to finish 8 bottles in a row (1.5 ounces/feeding in 24 hours) in order to be considered to come home. We have a ways to go. All I want for Mother's Day is for Asher to be home. I'm being told it's unrealistic and not to get my hopes up...but what else is a momma supposed to do!?!? Once again we find ourselves waiting...

I can't keep from thinking about how my Ethiopian babies were born on a hut floor with no doctors, no monitors, no prenatal care, and no medications. And yet they are perfectly perfect. Then there's my newest baby born with all the first world privileges and needing every one for survival. It's mind boggling how in spite of where Judah and Addise were born, everything went text book for their pregnancy and birth AND how if Asher was born in Ethiopia he wouldn't be alive. All babies are miracles straight from the sweetest place in heaven...

In love...

Judah was circumcised on Friday morning. I'm still at the "what in the world have we done to our son?!?!" stage. For the most part he's loving watching movies all day and being fed whatever he wants. Mommy guilt. He's had a handful of excruciatingly painful moments that have left me near tears. Overall, he's doing great. We keep saying together "brave and strong like daddy" to get him through the difficult moments.

All groggy after surgery watching TV.

As if we have nothing else going on in our lives, this morning Brian ran his second half marathon of 2012 (he's signed up for 2 more). By 9:30 this morning he'd already run 13.1 miles after barely training. I don't know how he did it, but I'm way impressed he did! He's also been wrangling contractors and construction workers desperately trying to get our master bathroom finished. We are praying it's completed this week.

"May gray" before the race began.

Addise has been bouncing off the walls and has been showing signs that she understands she's no longer the baby of the family. Today she did the impossible and peed in her potty FOR THE FIRST TIME with grandma. Grandma may be a miracle worker and she can stay forever. Her hair is also getting neglected in the craziness of our days. Sorry baby girl. She's talking, singing, and screaming every moment of the day. She even wakes up singing.

Grandma, aka my mom, is here for 3 weeks to love on babies and pull all kinds of weight around our home. She's sleeping on an air mattress, making food, chasing babies, changing diapers, keeping the kitchen clean, and attending to our beck and call. She's also planning on coming out in June and July to keep helping. She loves it and she's exhausted at the end of every day. A most excellent grandma and momma we have!

Someone got in momma's make-up. Safe to say we have different coloring. :)

At the end of the day, I'm doing better than I expected. I keep forgetting I had major surgery and that I left my baby in the NICU. My recovery is going so much better than I was told or anticipated, which for a girl who's allergic to pain is a huge answer to prayer. My incision pain has been declining most every day and I'm getting around pretty darn well. My figure is coming back (YIPPEE!). Pumping has been a pain in the butt but going super well, which makes me abundantly happy that Asher's getting my milk 8 times a day even though I can't physically give it to him. Though I'm so very tired at some point every day, I'm grateful that I can recover from surgery and transition into our new life while Asher's getting stellar hospital care. The highlight of my day is holding my littlest baby. I could not be more grateful for my family of five.

Miraculous. Redemptive. Hope-filled. This is our life these days - bursting full of chaos and drama and oh-so good.

Introducing Baby Diaz #3!

At 1:40am, Doctor Fung woke me up. Immediately, I noticed she was in her scrubs with hair net on and my gut told me what was coming: EMERGENCY C-SECTION. She gently explained in as few words as possible for my blurry brain that the baby's heart rate had delcelerated twice in an hour and had gone longer and lower than previously. He needed to come out. Now.

Flustered, I called Brian and asked him to come immediately. We tried to call some sleeping friends to no avail, yet quickly got a hold of our children's pastor and friend, Julie. In a 15 second phone call she agreed to come stay with Judah and Addise. Thirty minutes later, Brian arrived at the hospital and the games began!

By 2:45am we were in surgery the entire thing was done by 3:40am. Amazing doctors and nurses all around. Serioulsy - SO BLESSED!

All spiffed up in his jumpsuit.

Behind the veil. I had to tape my nose ring for some reason. It's surreal to me that I have 3 babies and have never felt labor or any real contractions!! I am not complaining here. :)

Asher Zacarias Diaz.

 Born April 23, 2012 at 3:03am.

4 lbs 5 oz and 16 inches long.

We toiled over his name all the way until last week.  But finally we agreed that we loved how it sounded as much as what it meant.

• Asher - "blessed, happy, fortunate" Asher is a Hebrew name, also a son from the 12 Tribes of Israel in the Old Testament, like his brother, Judah. Unmistakeably, his life is blessed by the miraculous and gracious hand of God.
• Zacarias - "God remembered" The Spanish spelling of his name (a shout out to Brian's Puerto Rican/Spanish roots) is from the New Testament. He was John the Baptist's father, unable to conceive with his wife Elizabeth for decades. This passage was prayed over us years ago during our infertility journey. You can read his story in Luke 1.

After the surgery we were so glad we followed the doctors orders! We found out that Asher had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck TWICE and was stepping on in...and this in the breech position. There was no way he was staying in my belly safely much longer, much less going full term with a vaginal delivery!!! PRAISE GOD.

Otherwise, he's so healthy. He looks great. Breathing on his own. Sucking on his hand. Moving his arms and legs on his own. He was given a 8 of 10 number after his birth...a full term baby only can have 9 of 10. Blessed.

For a Type A personality this whole process has stripped away my preparedness. AND I'M TOTALLY OK WITH IT. No breastfeeding class taken. No Lamaze classes. No hospital bag packed. No forms prepared to jump start disability insurance. Whatever. My son and I are doing well.

Wanna see some pics?

Head full of dark hair, just like I dreamed. 4 lbs and 5 oz. Not bad for a 7 week old early baby!!!

Snuggle baby

Our non-Ethiopian baby boy. He's perfect. Chunky. 10 fingers, 10 toes. Chomps his gums like an old man searching for his dentures. His crying is a like a mix of a dog and teradactyl. I've yet to see his eyes. His ears are so brilliantly designed. His nose is gorgeous!

He looks so tiny next to the giant green hand.

I've yet to hold my son, but then again I had to wait 3 months after being introduced to Judah and Addise to hold them and another 7 week separation before they came home. This feels easy compared to that ocean-separation. Don't get me wrong - I cannot wait to hold my son.

Now we are awaiting being transported to another hospital that has a NICU that can adequately hold us. There are no long-term beds in this inn today. Bummer. Since I got to my part-partum room at 6 am, I've been attempting rest between incessant knocks on my door. Asher is kickin' it in the NICU. Brian's at home with the bathroom contractor and 2 big siblings. I got to talk with them on the phone this morning and Judah totally knows what's going on. He communicated he knew his baby brother was born, that his name was Asher, and proceeded to kiss the phone when I asked if he loved him. They also know this means "gamma" is coming to see them soon which may be the highlight at the moment. :)

So, there you have it. Welcome Asher Zacarias to our family and our world. I'm gonna try and get some rest again.

Much love and a FULL heart...