2 "Pregnancies"...

Today marks 18 months since we started our adoption process. It's fitting that we are adopting 2 Lil' A and Baby T and it's been 18 months. 2 pregnancies = 18 months. Some days I feel 18 months pregnant, I just don't get the stretch marks.

It's a little odd to stare at their two faces, enormous eyes, gorgeous lips, and coffee skin and love these little 'strangers' sooooooooooo much. Though we've never met, I'm totally in love. Lil' A is our son. Baby T is our daughter. In the midst of indescribable pain in all our stories, they were meant to be ours.

I can't imagine THAT DAY when we will commit before a judge to be their parents. We have chosen them forever, just as God has chosen us. And our God has chosen Lil' A and Baby T to be ours.

Immeasurably grateful...it is a great privilege to adopt. I am convinced. If only every Jesus follower was able to experience this...

ps. this month also marks 3 complete years of trying to start a family...we never imagined this journey would look like this. and yet, we are grateful. beyond what we could've hoped or imagined.

4 Profound Words

I had dinner a few nights ago with my friend from London, Annie [right], and she so graciously asked me question after question about our adoption. I was catching her up on the past few months of our adoption. While I was more recounting the facts, Annie blew my mind...

Annie is a vicar in the Church of England, starting missional communities all over London. So I shouldn't have been surprised when she started preachin' it!
CHOSEN. With her beautiful British accent, she started talking about the beauty of being chosen into a family. The power of looking at a face and saying, "YES! We choose you! Out of every little one in the world, we choose you to be our son/daughter." I started crying when I thought of the years to come as our little ones grow up and I can say to them over and over again, "Your daddy and I chose you. We wanted you. And we went to the ends of the earth to bring you into our family. We wanted you so bad we would've done anything. We would've paid more money. We would've traveled one more time. We would've waited another year. We chose you!"The amazing thing is that God does that with us, too. He chose us and has gone to the ends of the earth to bring us into his family.
DEPOSIT. I also shared about the pros and cons of making 2 trip to Ethiopia. Mainly the "Big 3 Cons" of traveling twice: time, money, bonding then leaving. Then Annie said, "But it's like you go and make a deposit in your kids. You get to go, bond, see their personalities, kiss their cheeks, hold them close, give them tokens of their new home and THEN say to them: 'This is a deposit of my love for you. And I AM COMING BACK!' Just as Jesus came to assure us of his love for us and left us the Holy Spirit as a deposit, so you can do for your Ethiopian babies!" When we go on this first trip, we get to make a deposit with our kids and promise them that we will come back from them. How many correlations can there be between adoption and God's heart for his kids?!?!? Unreal!
STAY. STRETCHED. I also pretty honestly shared with her that for the past few months I haven't felt like there's any more I can stretch. I've felt like a rubber band that's lost my ability to stretch any further and has lost some elasticity while waiting. Annie held her hands as if she was stretching a rubber band mid-air and said, "Sometimes I think God stretches us to the point where we can stretch any longer. But when we must continue waiting, he gently just says to us: 'Stay. I'm not asking you to stretch any more. I know you're about to break, but I'm asking you to stay right here. Stay in this position. Stay in this posture. I know you can't handle anything more. But rest in me right here and stay.'" Tears again. That's totally what God's been saying to me, but I didn't get it until Annie eloquently preached it.

CHOSEN. DEPOSIT. STAY. STRETCHED. Profound verbs from a profound woman to increase a profound journey.

Validation

Last Sunday we had our Student Ministries staff celebration. We have an amazing team of volunteers who serve in a variety of creative, inspirational, and courageous ways to our 12-18 year olds at Newsong. I adore watching them "love in action" and minister to our students and their families. One of the night's surprises was an 18-minute video that one of our high school girls who's also a small group leader in our middle school ministry made. Christie was actually one of girls in my first leadership group when she was in 7th-8th grade. Now, she skillfully shepherds a group of 8th grade girls with integrity [Psalm 78:72]. It's such a satisfying and rewarding picture of what 2 Timothy 2:2 envisions for us. The video Christie prepared was of countless students who were saying "thank you" to their leaders in ways that only 12-18 year olds can: Beautiful. Raw. Meaningful. Unedited. Unfiltered. Authentic.

When Mychel was saying "thank you" to me, something hit me in a new way: one of the gifts of infertility is that it's validated my ministry and personal relationship with God. Mychel was saying that she loves me because she's seen me go through really hard stuff in life and still love God. So that's validated the advice and counsel I've given to her over the years. My pain has produced validation to my words.

If I had a fairy-tale-only life, I'm not sure that my experience with Jesus would carry the same weight to the people I serve as they do now. The rubber of my faith has hit the road. The proverbial crap has hit the fan in my life, and I still believe Jesus is the best and truest thing going on. The God of Scripture has become more real in the pages of my life. For that, I am grateful for infertility.