Mother Teresa's Holy Discontent

I read most of Holy Discontent [Bill Hybels] yesterday on a 45 minute flight from Chicago to Indy. I've become more deeply stirred about the holy discontents in my life: African orphans, the next generation, and advocacy for women.

Apparently, one of Mother Teresa's first experiences with holy discontent involved Ethiopia. She was quoted on CNN saying,

"When I see waste, I feel angry on the inside. I don't approve of
myself getting angry, but it's something you can't help after seeing
Ethiopia."

This describes some of my heart when it comes to "why" are adopting. There's a waste of resources - time, money, house space, ability - in the U.S. and I believe we have a biblical responsibility to turn waste into blessing. I think when God Abraham that he was "blessed to be a blessing" [Genesis 12], he's still telling us that today.

Mother Teresa is wickedly challenging to me still. I waste food, paper, resources, and time nearly every day. I wish it made me angrier. Mother Teresa is a saint. I hope I keep learning how to turn waste into blessing.

I've seen Africa, and know that even our waste is needed in Africa. Can you turn your waste into blessing?

Superwoman or Human?

I love the song "Superwoman" by Alicia Keys. I turn it up in my car and sing at the top of my lungs on a regular basis. The chorus goes, "Even when I'm a mess / I still put a vest with an 'S' on my chest / Oh yes / I am a Superwoman / Yes I am". Sing it with me! I'd love to be a Superwoman, but I'm not.

A few months ago my dad was visiting us - after our medical journey ended and before our adoption journey started. We went on a walk and (true to my dad's form) he asked a number of questions about how we were doing in our journey and what I was learning.

One of the things I shared with him was that our infertility journey was teaching me about how human I am. Limits. Brokenness. Imperfection. Needy. And I said it was allowing me to connect with other people's brokenness and humanity in new ways. "Amen", my dad said. So be it.

I'm so grateful for a number of things from this crazy infertility journey, but this lesson is one of the greater reasons. I'm glad that I've been confronted in a most personal way with my humanity. I'm grateful that I've had to say, "help...I need...and I can't" more times than I've been able to take care of it. I'm grateful that my journey has allowed me to connect with so many other woman and their families who've been through similar journeys. I'm grateful to be connected to the humanity through our pain. Of course, I'd prefer to learn and experience these things through happy, dancing through the prairie experiences, but even a superwoman's life isn't perfect.

I still think I'm a superwoman, but just a different kind of one.

An Ultrasound of Life

A couple weeks ago some dear friends (Daniel & Cassidy Roach) invited me into a very private experience: the ultrasound where they would find out the gender of their baby! The day before Cassidy approached me with the proposition. She somewhat sheepishly said, "Since you're gonna be a momma but don't get to have an ultrasound to see your baby, we wanted to invite you to ours. If it would be too hard or uncomfortable, you totally don't have to come, but we wanted to invite you."

Instantly, tears! I couldn't believe that they would invite me into that sacred space to learn the gender of their baby with them. What a sacrificial and special action of love!

What I didn't expect was what would happen when I stepped into that ultrasound room. Background: I've had probably over 30 ultrasounds over the past year in our attempt to get pregnant. There were some weeks I had 3 or 4 ultrasounds. But every ultrasound produced disappointing - and at time devastating - results. No news. Bad news. No baby.

But in that room with Daniel & Cassidy, I saw the purpose of an ultrasound - to show off LIFE! It was amazing. Beautiful really to see a baby alive, moving, growing in a belly. Daniel & Cassidy didn't cry. I did. I couldn't help it. It was a redemptive moment for me. One I could not have received on my own.

Redemptive that there is a baby for us in Ethiopia, maybe even growing in her birth mom's womb right now. Redemptive that God's moved us into this new journey. Redemptive to experience such generosity from Daniel & Cassidy. Redemptive to see Life right in front of my eyes.

Thank you, Daniel & Cassidy, for inviting me into your life and allowing me to receive more Life. It's still overwhelming, humbling, and beautiful. I can't wait to meet your little boy. Maybe our little ones will someday get married! :) Love you both.