Unleashing Beauty

I am a part of an amazing team of people at Newsong Church who care deeply about the things of God, loving each other, and righting wrongs in this world. This year, our focus is on Unleashing Beauty in the world around us, because of what Christ's done for us. Our focus is taken from Isaiah 58. I invite you to read, meditate, and examine how you might unleash God's glory - also translate beauty - in this world. For me, it's affirming of our decision to adopt two little Ethiopian babies.

³ ‘We have fasted before you!’ they say.
‘Why aren’t you impressed?
We have been very hard on ourselves,
and you don’t even notice it!’

“I will tell you why!” I respond.
“It’s because you are fasting to please yourselves.
Even while you fast,
you keep oppressing your workers.
⁴ What good is fasting
when you keep on fighting and quarreling?
This kind of fasting
will never get you anywhere with me.
⁵ You humble yourselves
by going through the motions of penance,
bowing your heads
like reeds bending in the wind.
You dress in burlap
and cover yourselves with ashes.
Is this what you call fasting?
Do you really think this will please the Lord?

⁶ “No, this is the kind of fasting I want:
Free those who are wrongly imprisoned;
lighten the burden of those who work for you.
Let the oppressed go free,
and remove the chains that bind people.
⁷ Share your food with the hungry,
and give shelter to the homeless.
Give clothes to those who need them,
and do not hide from relatives who need your help.

⁸ “Then your salvation will come like the dawn,
and your wounds will quickly heal.
Your godliness will lead you forward,
and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.

Legit Sacrifice

One of the ways this adoption has messed me up is in how people are sacrificing on behalf of our babies. It literally brings me to tears in less than 9 seconds. I think growing up middle class, Midwestern, American girl, I never grew to understand the true nature of sacrifice. I always had more than I needed. And giving to those in need has always come from a place of strategic budgeting and planned 'sacrifice'. Traveling and reading has done much to change my thinking and habits on sacrifice, but our adoption has taken my soul's transformation to a new level!

A few examples of how we've been blessed by our friend's and family's TRUE sacrifice:

• A few unemployed friends have given significantly to our babies.
• One family decided on an amount the give us. Then, whenever they wanted to go out to each or buy an unnecessary item, they'd put that money into Baby Ethiopia's fund.
• Two families are living at about poverty level made a donation to remind us how loved & supported we are.
• A single mom gave us a very generous gift.
  
• Another adoptive family who we barely know made an enormous gift.
• Many of my mom's friends who I've only met once or twice have given.
• One friend gave out of her wedding savings account.
• Another friend gave twice to our process because she "just got some more money, and what am I going to do with it?"
  
• Church planting friends gave a out of their own needs.

Why do I share this? It's not to give our friends a public ego boost. It's because it's truly challenged us. It's also because people have so creatively figured out ways to be a part of what God's doing in our family. This kind of sacrifice is legit and I want to be more like them.

I want to be a woman who...

I'm a pretty selfish person, really. And I'm not really very giving. I like to hoard stuff for a rainy day, to make sure our booties are covered. I'd prefer for our savings account to have thousands of dollars in it, so in case something happens I know we can cover ourselves. Sure, there's some wisdom in that. But ultimately, it reveals that my heart doesn't totally, trust God every day to provide for me/us.

As we've become closer to our financial goal line, I've found myself praying that God would still allow us to receive all 3 grants, and tons of money from them. [You can tell a lot about your soul's health by what you pray for!] I want all that "extra" money to make sure we have our travel expenses paid for, rebuild our savings account after we've annihilated it through this adoption, have enough saved up to take time off work, and buy all the baby stuff one needs. But a couple days ago, I got a little reality check from Jesus.

Daily bread. Manna. Radical dependency. Paradoxical giving. Ruthless trust.

This whole adoption thing is causing even my selfish, hoarding financial side to be changed. I've been sabotaged by others' generosity and how God's provided the right amount of money - from our bank account or others - at exactly the right time for the right need. And I love experiencing in the depths of my soul that God's not forgotten me and he is for me and he wants to bless me.

So the other day as I was praying for a landfall of additional grant money, God prompted me differently. He said, "What about that trust factor again? What of your needs won't I meet? How about if I simply take care of your needs and not provide a landslide of resources? What about others' needs?" Hmmm...good point, Provider.

Here's a manifesto, of sorts, about the kind of person I want to be:

• I want to be the kind of woman who will trust God for my next provision, not have it all worked out so I'm mistakenly deceived that I can do it all myself.
  
• I want to experience God's blessing through his people, not just be able to take care of myself.
  
• I want to be the kind of woman who is a blessing to other people, too, who can't just take care of themselves.
  
• I want to be the kind of woman who blesses others the way that countless others have blessed us - radically, sacrificially - through our adoption.
• I want to give to people who wouldn't expect me to care, act, or serve them.
• I want to be the kind of giver that people will cause people to worship Jesus for how he's provided for them through one of his people.
  

I think that's more of the way it's supposed to work. Thank you to those of you who've taught me about this through your selfless, sacrificial giving. Now, I'm just praying that God would provide our daily bread so we are forced to radically depend on him and ruthlessly trust him in this journey. It's scarier for me this way, but it feels better in my soul.