I Love Her Hair!

It may sound silly if you're white [or at least not black], but one of my prayers for Addise is that she would LOVE her hair as she grows up. It is so beautiful and such a display of God's creativity. This video is a fun take on what I hope for my baby girl...

Before we brought Judah and Addise home, I was on a research fury to learn all I could about how to care for their hair. I scoured blogs and asked ridiculous questions to my black friends about what to do and not do. I was determined that my Ethiopian kids would NOT have "white momma hair". My mom thought it was "so like God" to give me kids with different hair than mine because I LOVE hair so much and was thrilled to learn how to care for and style their hair. She was right. I now probably spend more time and money on my kids' hair than I do my own. No joke. I'm obsessed with caring for it, styling it, and learning how to do it better.

One thing I learned very quickly after bringing J&A home was that it's not a "one size fits all" approach. Judah's hair is actually pretty different from Addise's. Seeing that we keep his hair pretty short [for now] his hair care routines are simple, but if we were to grow it out his routine would be different from Addise's. So, the past year I've been a student of their hair - what works and what doesn't and have adjusted along the way.

I've had a few fun comments and questions recent months about Addise's hair because it's so stinking awesome! So, I thought I'd post some thoughts on how we care for her hair. The overarching philosophy I've lived by is using natural, organic products as much as possible. Chemical-ridden products only dry out their hair and frizz their amazing curls.

One of a kind she is indeed. Curls curls curls!

• Wash - we only wash their hair once a week. Washing more than that dries it out. I've tried a number of products and nothing has earned my undying love and affection. However, I do really like California Baby shampoo and Kinky Curly shampoo.
• Co-Wash - we co-wash their hair 2-3 times/week, including the day we wash their hair with shampoo. Co-washing is simply washing their hair ONLY with conditioner. Dirt and product build-up will wash out in this process but the conditioner will moisturize their hair. We leave in the conditioner for at least 5 minutes and use a Tangle Teezer before we wash it out to brush out the knots. The best conditioner we've found to date is Bee Mine Avocado Cream. Brian swears Addise's hair has transformed since we've started using it. Also, we only "brush" her hair after we co-wash her hair.
• Coconut Oil - this is my newest find and I'm WILD about using this on her hair. It's irreplaceable in my opinion AND the cheapest product I've ever used. I use this every morning on her hair after I spray on her detangler. I apply it with my fingers and work through her curls.
• Blended Beauty - This is my favorite product line. They are natural products and provide a great assessment to discover what type of curls your child has and then recommends products to help their curls. I've fallen in love with their Satin Style reviver [can't find the link]. I use that every morning to detangle her bed head. Again, I only use my fingers to detangle her curls. I also use Butter Me Up [leave-in conditioner] and Curly Cake Shake [leave-in spray lotion detangler] sporadically and without method to my madness.
• Sleeping Cap - I also have a sleeping cap that we've used at bedtime for her [that we bought from Blended Beauty], but we've had issues with it staying on and stretching out. So, we really haven't used it much in recent days.
• Hair Cuts - We have yet to give Addise one. Her hair feels healthy and I shutter to think of cutting any curls. Honestly, the only curls we cut are the ones that get too tangled to brush out. Judah gets a short buzz from Brian every few months with our clippers.
• Styling - her default style is a headband on stay-at-home or rushed days. We have every color in the rainbow, are easy to put in, and keep her hair out of her face. If I want to do poofs [either half-head or 2 pigtails], I normally style after co-washing or put in a LOT of detangler to soften the process. One friend gives her daughter marshmallows when she's styling her daughter's hair. I let Addise brush her own teeth. :) I've found that though sometimes we fight each other through the process, it's become a great way to build attachment with my girl. We've yet to do any braids or twists...I can't bear to contain her curls for now and LOVE her growing fro!

That's our story. I'm sure it'll continue to morph as Addise's hair grows.

Here are some great resources I've learned from in the past couple years:

• Watch Chris Rock's "Good Hair" documentary about African-American women's struggle with hair. It was so helpful for us as we learned about our kids' hair. Watch the preview HERE.
• Happy Hair Girl blog
• Beads, Braids, and Beyond blog
• Chocolate Hair, Vanilla Care blog. This blog is great for multi-racial families and encourages natural hair.

Just for Fun: I'm not even kidding, Addise whips her hair back and forth like this in the bathtub when her curls are long and wild. She cracks me up!!

Hope this helps! Would LOVE your thoughts, comments, and ideas, too. I love learning and getting better at this.

Color Matters

I love the color of my children's skin. I love that their skin is different than mine and their daddy's. I cannot get over how smooth and rich and dark it is. I love the contrast between my hands and their hands.

I love how their hands and faces and bellies speak to their culture and their history. Their skin declares, "I am Ethiopian! I was born in Africa!" Their chocolate color speaks of a creative God with a colorful palette who wanted us to celebrate the uniqueness of our cultures, races, and countries of origin. Their color speaks of their identity and from where they were called.

Sometimes I just stare at my kids and feel almost worshipful at how gorgeous they are and how different we look from each other. That God would take such care and consideration in the formation of even our skin...WOW! That is one attentive Maker.

Some would say that they are color blind, that they don't see color of skin but only the heart of the person beneath the skin. Some inter-racial families would say that skin color or birth country doesn't matter because "my kids are my kids" and "I love them the same as if they shared my DNA".

But I think we miss so much of the person and the Creator when we disregard someone's skin color and make them just like everyone else. Being Ethiopian doesn't define my kids, but it is a meaningful and significant part of their identity. Being black isn't the summation of who they are but it is a piece of what makes them an individual connected to a people and a part of the world that's "beautifully and wonderfully made".

The truth is that color does matter in this world. It's a source of massive conflict, stereotypes, stigmas, bigotry in families and nations. Color may not matter to the majority race, but it matters to the minority. Color matters when you're the only one in the room who looks different from the others. It matters to the ones who have jokes made about them or suffocating stereotypes associated with them. It matters to a person who loves their heritage and celebrates their culture.

And I believe with my whole heart that it matters to a God who took pride in creating the spectrum of our skin colors. So instead of ignoring or minimizing each others color, 

• what if we took time and care to get to know what that color represents and means to that person? 
• and what if appreciating each others differences was an act of worship to God? 
• and what if as we honor every part of each other we also help heal the world of some bigotry and hurtful stereotypes?

What if...?

5 months

Today marks 20 weeks pregnant with our son. I'm halfway there!

To be honest, though, this has been the roughest month of pregnancy for me. I've experienced more physical discomfort, pain, exhaustion, stretching, and nauseous that my first 4 months combined. Vomit, gas, indigestion, utter exhaustion, and physical depletion have all been a major part of this past month of pregnancy. It may have some to do with 2 weeks of holiday traveling, my belly growing, caring for 2 toddlers, and a few very emotionally exhausting work weeks, but I'm desperately praying this isn't a trend for the remainder of my pregnancy. The past couple weeks have involved a LOT of tears, Tums, careful eating, desperate prayers, silent fears. If you need further proof that we are less-than-perfect, the Christmas tree wast just taken down 4 days ago and is still sitting in our living room in it's box.

REDEMPTION. Instead of working a satisfying and FULL work day today at my church, I spent the day in bed. I woke up and knew I wasn't feeling ok. But I pulled myself out of bed, took a shower, starting putting on makeup, and then sent a text to our [male] lead pastor and [male] co-worker that I was feeling awful and needed prayer. The next 5 minutes of text exchanges lead me to literally weeping in my bathroom: "rest with joy", "we are a team", "we got your back", "take care of yourself and baby". While wiping away hormonal tears to read the texts, I realized the tears were both present and historic.

Present because THIS has been the worst week of pregnancy. I've felt terrible most of the week and by yesterday felt utterly discouraged at the feat of carrying my son for another 20 weeks. I've tried to tough it out this week - at work and at home - while still quietly attending to my body and baby. It's left me exhausted.

But my tears also opened up a historic wound and fear in my leadership journey. Since the early days of ministry, I've been afraid - rightfully and imagined - that my being feminine would eventually place a ceiling on my influence. I felt that most acutely as a mother. So, too often I've erred on the side of not crying on the job, faking feminine pain, speaking like a man when my feminine voice is more needed, not talking about my infertility or kids' latest accomplishments, etc.

However, being on staff at Newsong for nearly the past 8 years has been very healing and freeing for me. Our mostly-male leadership has affirmed, blessed, promoted, and stood by me in the most unlikely times - like this morning. Receiving texts like these this morning - when all I wanted to do is suck in my protruding belly, push through the yuckiness, and pretend to be Super Momma-Pastor - they didn't let me. They didn't ask invasive questions or challenge my plea for prayer. They didn't ask if I thought I could still fulfill my significant responsibilities today or ask that I find replacements. They simply blessed me and prayed for me. My risk to be vulnerable was monumentally healing for me and, I believe, restoring for the community I lead in.

LIMITS. If there's just one lesson to be learned in pregnancy for me, it's accepting my limits. Today was a clear example but there's been a hundred over the past few months. Some close friends gently, firmly, and compassionately chastised me a couple weeks ago that though the demands of my job and motherhood are evident these days, there is nothing more important than caring for the little man growing inside of me. I only get 1 shot to be pregnant, only 9 months to set him on a developmental trajectory that will impact the rest of his life, only one shot to "enjoy" these 9 months. It was a reset of my limits and priorities that I think about every day. Though I may not be able to work 12-hour days anymore or throw my babies up in the air, I must care for this little being consuming my womb and every conscious moment. I'm the ONLY one who can do this job.

As for a picture of my belly, here's a picture I took a couple days ago from our HORRENDOUS women's restrooms at work. The background is an atrocity and it's a self-portrait into a mirror, but at least it captures nearly 20 weeks en utero for our son.

I have to say, maternity pants are the BEST! So comfy and no zippers and buttons to deal with when going to the bathroom. BONUS!

NAMES. Also, on a very random note, we have no idea what to name our son. We have a few names in the queue but no glorious moment affirmed by singing angels. Again, naming Judah and Addise was borderline divine and simple. For this baby, we had the PERFECT first AND middle name selected. I even have back-up girl names. But to name this boy feels impossible. I've resorted at this point to reading movie credit names and listening into stranger's conversations for tips. Our major problem is the 1) we want a creative and somewhat unique name, like J&A, and 2) it must be highly meaningful and somewhat prophetic for our son's life. That eliminates about one million names. And once you start looking for names for YOUR child, you realize how many names you hate.


Again, if you have any suggestions on where to look for names let me know. And you'll get bonus points if you can direct me to a place where I can search for names by meaning [ex: names that mean "restore" are...].

Thanks for hanging with me in the sob story of today. And for praying. I know it changes things, especially me.