Pain is God's Megaphone

I'm not one of those people who miraculously hears God's voice all the time. It's a struggle most days. But pain has definitely increased my listening ability and capacity. There's something about pain that makes me a little more desperate, a little more needy, a little more urgent to get the pain out of my life.

It's been another season where a lot of pain surrounds me. A number of friends this month that have struggled with infertility or baby pain, broken relationships, sin, and loss. Darkness surrounds them, but doesn't overwhelm them.

C.S. Lewis once wrote, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” - The Problem of Pain

Lewis brilliantly notices that pleasure doesn't teach us much of anything, much less allow us to connect with the eternal, mysterious God of the Universe. Pain heightens that awareness. Pain turns our real need to hear God's voice into a felt need. We need a hearing aid, and pain is often that hearing aid.

My pain over the past couple years has been awful some days. Bearable other days. Present most days. Others' pain has also been with me many days. My hope and prayer for my pain and my friends is that our pain will rouse us. It will be a hearing aid from deafness to acute listening. And I pray that our pain will ultimately teach me and you how to live differently once the pain is gone so the megaphone becomes less critical to hearing his voice and knowing his heart.

Refiner's Fire

"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

[Malachi 3:3]

FROM OUR ADOPTION AGENCY:
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study, and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

WOW! And incredibly humbling and challenging reminder of "why" waiting is required. And such a beautiful metaphor of the love of our God on us in the midst of the fire.

Useful Time

I didn't expect that getting on the wait list would actually be hard...really tough. For 2 1/2 years we've been actively working on expanding our family, and when we got on the wait list that was officially the end of our active work. Wait. Now we just wait. For maybe a year or more, wait.

I didn't expect the tsunami of emotion that came with what I thought would be good news. So, I called a friend. My dear friend, Erin, is on the same journey that we're on, but they've been dreaming of adoption for a decade and have been on a wait list for a year. She gets it. She gets me. Over tacos and sitting next to her 4 year old son playing Star Wars on PS2, Erin passionately, convincingly shared how she's committed to being on this wait list as "useful time". Nothing is wasted to God, especially waiting. Erin pointed me - as she has countless other times throughout our journey - back to truth. She reminded me that during her own waiting she has actively read, learned, prayed, talked with people, advocated for adoption/foster care, and served. She has not wasted this past year.

Erin also reminded me that sadness and growth can co-exist. Just because I'm missing my babies, lamenting our separation DOES NOT MEAN that I am not growing. Contrary, I am expanding daily. And I am committed to not get stuck in my sadness but to make the most of these days of waiting and absorb the good and the bad.

I don't know what I'd do without Erin and many other friends who've walked closely with me over the past 2 1/2 years. If it weren't for them, I fear how much time I would have wasted thus far. Thank you, dear friends.

I will use this time well.