God is Waiting

We've waited to have a family for almost 3 1/2 years. We've been waiting to bring home our babies for 20+ months. We were on the actual wait list for almost 10 months. Addise's been waiting for parents in the orphanage for over half her life. Judah's been waiting - fully in transition as a 2 year old - for 4 months.

Not long ago, though, I realized in a whole new way that God is also waiting. He's waiting for Judah and Addise to come into a family. He's waiting for 147 million orphans - all of which he knows by name, knows the number of hairs on their head, knows the number of tears they've cried - to be welcomed into forever families. He's waiting for his people to respond to the call to experience true religion by caring for orphans [James 1:27]. He's waiting to set the lonely into families [Psalm 68:6]. He's waiting for us to follow his lead to not leave children as orphans, but call them "sons" and "daughters" [John 14]. God is waiting for us, too.

God is waiting for our hearts to be healed by heartache, disappointment, loss, and death. God is waiting to restore and redeem and renew that which has been stolen and taken. God is waiting for us to respond to him in the midst of that to experience his new life.

And because I've cried so many time while I've waited, I'm entirely confident that God's cried too. He's cried because he's waiting for children to be loved, welcomed in his name [Matthew 18:5]. He understands my pain, my longing to have my children in my arms. He understands because their his children first. We love Judah and Addise because he's first loved us [1 John 4:19].
This is yet another way that I've grown to understand the heart of God by choosing to adopt. I am immeasurably grateful to know God more through the divine experience of adoption. I am forever changed.

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April L. Diaz

April has been a visionary activist her entire life. She has made it her mission to lead high performing teams and develop leaders in the margins of society while caring for our bodies, mind, and spirit. Secretly, she’s a mix of a total girly girl and a tomboy, and is still crazy about her high school sweetheart, Brian. Together, they co-parent 3 fabulous kiddos and live in Orange County, CA.

Almost

Today was court. We passed...almost! The Ministry of Women's Affairs [MoWA] had to explain some of their comments to the judge, so we are hoping for some good news tomorrow that Lil' A and Baby T are officially ours! We fly out for Frankfurt in just a few hours, so maybe we'll celebrate tomorrow in Germany.

Today was incredibly emotional. Sweaty palms all day [no brainer if you know me well]. Anxious spirit - not in the worrysome way, just in the "I'm ready for this to be over with!" way! Lots of waiting. But once we were before the judge, she asked us 5 "yes or no" questions and we were finished. Court lasted all of 90 seconds!

After court we got to go back to the orphanage and see our kiddos. We were able to spend about 3 hours holding, kissing, and playing with them. It was really bittersweet knowing that we'd have to say goodbye today for a few weeks. We took a bunch of family pictures. Hopefully we'll be able to post pics once we get back home. We also hope to have a family-of-four Christmas card this year! :)

We also had an unexpected opportunity today that brought out lots of tears. We had the amazing grace of meeting our children's birth mothers after court. We were able to spend 15-20 minutes with them - asking them questions, giving our deepest thanks, ensuring their comfort that we would love their children forever, and asking their blessing for their children. I don't want to share much about our encounter because of it's intense intimacy for our children's stories, but needless to say it was beyond priceless. Pictures and video were taken in full. Heartfelt and strong hugs were given. Tears were shed. It was powerful beyond words. I'm crying as I write this. What deep love is required to give up your child when you know you cannot provide for them? That kind of mother's love levels me...

When we laid Baby T into her bed, kissed her pudgy cheeks then took Lil' A into his playroom and kissed the top of his head, we nearly lost it. We lingered with our hands on his chest and faces on his head. We walked into the hallway together and just held each other for a few moments. I cried. A lot. Brian said some comforting words. We'll be back soon. But leaving them was brutal. I cried all the way home.

As we leave Ethiopia tonight, it has been a powerful reality that after over 3 years of desiring a family, a family was formed this week. This incredibly painful season is almost over when our kids will join us and we'll be a forever family. God is oh-so good.

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April L. Diaz

April has been a visionary activist her entire life. She has made it her mission to lead high performing teams and develop leaders in the margins of society while caring for our bodies, mind, and spirit. Secretly, she’s a mix of a total girly girl and a tomboy, and is still crazy about her high school sweetheart, Brian. Together, they co-parent 3 fabulous kiddos and live in Orange County, CA.

So Far...

Our adoption agency asked if I could write our story for their blog. Of course, I said YES! The prompt was mildly overwhelming, "focus on what God has brought you through and taught you in the process". I should just point them to the previous 188 posts, but I will attempt to summarize our 3+ year journey. Here's what I submitted:

Our journey has been devastating. Our journey has been heart-wrenching. Our journey has been utterly transformational in our marriage, our finances, our mindset, our passion, our future. Our journey has been defined by waiting and loss and hope in God and disappointment and joy.

A thousand times we have said, "we would never wish this kind of pain on our worst enemy, but we'd do it all over again and we are beyond grateful." Our journey began with the dream of starting a family. It turned into the confusion of infertility and countless medical tests, procedures, and failures.

But long before we carried the title "infertility", God had also planted a dream in our heart for adoption. Throughout our infertility treatments, we knew that when we reached a certain point in our treatment, we would pursue adoption. When our last procedure failed, we immediately, whole-heartedly jumped into adopting a baby girl from Ethiopia.
We always knew Africa. We always knew a baby girl. But God shaped our dreams toward Ethiopia and for 2 little ones. Through the metaphor of a butterfly, God taught me about the transformation my soul needed from one form into another. I am a different wife than I was 3 years ago when we started trying to start a family. I'm a different pastor, friend, sister, and daughter. And I know I will be a different mother because of the challenge and transformation of this journey.

Today, we bite our fingernails (for so many reasons!) awaiting the arrival of the 2 beautiful little ones God's prepared since the beginning of time to be our children - and us their parents. In many ways the journey is only continuing, but we are different people now then we were when we began 3 years ago.

Grateful. Broken. Healed. Strong. Tender. Changed. We are...