C.S. Lewis

One of my little brother's [He's 6 feet tall, 29 year old brother. My "baby brother" is also nearly 6 feet and is 19 years old. Whatever you might say, I'm the 5'3", 31 year old BIG sister!] favorite philosphers/theologians/authors is C.S. Lewis. He loves him so much that his first born son's namesake is after C.S. Lewis - Lewis Samuel. For good reason. He's incredible. A couple years ago my mom bought me Lewis' A Grief Observed to help me grieve through my infertility. It was healing and validating.

Last night I was reading another book with these 2 C.S. Lewis quotes. Not sure where they're from. I hope they are nourishing and healing to you in you find yourself resonating with them...

"There is nothing we can do with suffering except suffer it."

Many, many times in the grief of the past several years, I heard people say that I should get over it. Move on. Count my blessings. Focus on God's goodness. Forget what's behind. Maybe they didn't say it directly, but it was roundabout. I heard it in their tone or saw it in their eyes. Maybe I just intuitively felt it. But I also intuitively felt what Lewis wrote here. You just gotta suffer through it. Live in it. Feel what I feel. Validate it. And trust that God is moving me from this place to a better, a holier place.

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us;
we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."

Even up until this past week when our first Embassy date was postponed, I wondered that exact thing. I sincerely believe that God will give me his best. "So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." [Matthew 7, italics mine]. I used to sign all my emails "God's Best". I'm willing to go through the pain in order to receive his good gifts.

To the One who was well acquainted with sorrow, help me in my unbelief and trust you even when the pain seems unbearable. Thank you, Jesus, for the good gifts named Judah and Addise you are giving us this month! And thank you for grace through my doubts and sustenance in my greatest pain.

My Highest Dream

"Shattered dreams are never random.

They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story.
The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream. They are ordained opportunities for the Spirit to awaken, then to satisfy our highest dream."
~ Larry Crabb, Shattered Dreams

²⁰ We put our hope in the Lord.
He is our help and our shield.
²¹ In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
²² Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord,
for our hope is in you alone.
Psalm 33:20-22, NLT

Embassy Update :: Christmas in the OC

As many of you know and have already commented, we didn't get clearance from the US Embassy to travel tomorrow. We are heartbroken, crushed, whatever word you want to use... Yesterday I was drinking orange juice from a "Nightmare Before Christmas" cup, and winced to Brian that this was our reality.

There really isn't any good explanation from the Embassy as to "why", which makes it harder to understand and accept. In numerous emails from our case manager, we were told a number of things:

• The Embassy is not ready for you.
• Every family in our travel group has to have all their new documents submitted before any family will be granted another Embassy date.
• This is affecting every adoption agency in Ethiopia, not just ours. Therefore, countless families Christmas dreams have been affected.
• This is unprecedented in Ethiopia, so we're not sure what's to come.
• Our agency has been in contact with the Department of State and Children's Affairs in DC this week, and they aren't providing firm or specific answers for any of our cases.
  

WHAT'S NEXT? Our case manager is requesting that the US Embassy in Addis Ababa reviews our case on Monday morning independently from the other families and confirms for us a January 12th Embassy date [the next date possibility]. She's hoping that the "all families in the travel group need all their documents before any family is issued a court date" is some misunderstanding. The Embassy has NEVER worked like that in the past. For now we wait. Again. [NOTE: Our agency's office is closed until January 3rd, but we may still hear word before then.]

HOW ARE WE? Ugh... Awful? Ok? Devastated? Angry? Confused? Hopeful? Trusting? Missing Judah and Addise? Concerned about what's next? Longing? YES to all the above.

Honestly, we're a bit shell shocked and emotionally exhausted. I've cried rivers this week. We're gonna go dark for a little while and regain some strength and perspective. Thank you so much for your prayers. We've heard some of you have been fasting for us. We've read innumerable texts and messages. We've totally felt carried by our community. For that, we are grateful.

We'll keep you posted as we find something out.