Full Time

I'm starting back to work full time this week. It's hard to believe that 11 weeks have passed since we left to get Judah and Addise in Ethiopia.

I have to say, I have mixed feelings about being a full-time pastor and a full-time mom. I grew up with a stay-at-home mom. She was ever-present to my needs, always available, packed my lunch before school, was always home after school. My mom is present in my best childhood memories. In many ways, my mom's life revolved around her three offspring. Most of the women I knew growing up were stay-at-home moms. That was my normal. That was the picture I was presented of what a wife and mom did. Period. Several of my best friends today are stay-at-home moms.

Conflict. So you can understand my conflict that that will not be the picture my kids grow up with. I will most likely never be a full time stay-at-home mom. I don't think I'm wired that way. I also whole-heartedly believe that I'm called to this work of next generation and orphan advocacy. I love it. Beyond words. During my 10 weeks of maternity leave, I found myself longing for leadership challenges, meetings, lunch appointments, budget problem solving, event planning, and the like. Yet I also loved staying at home in my pjs and loving on my babies.

Tension. I will forever live in that tension of being a working mom. I've chosen to embrace that tension.

Choice. I'm grateful for the choices we have today as women to do whatever we want. My good friend and mentor, Kara Powell, has privately told me, "I believe you can have it all, but you can't have it all, all the time. Some days you'll be a great mom and a less-than-ideal employee, and other days the opposite will be true." I've found great comfort in that reality. I've already felt that on both sides of the coin. I'm grateful that I'm surrounded by a broad range of womens' working and parenting choices. I've learned what I want from each of them. It's deeply informed the kind of family and life Brian and I have agreed to to live.

Nancy Ortberg has also said something to the effect that "a child cannot find their dreams without seeing their mother live their dream." She's also more poignantly said what kids most need is an obedient mommy. It would be disobedient for me not to do what I do.

This past weekend I left my kids for the first time. For 30 hours. I spoke at an event in Dallas to about 500+ youth workers on what makes faith stick in kids beyond high school. As I traveled and spoke, I felt even more strongly about living in this tension of obediently being the best mom and best pastor I can be. I have to do both. And I believe God will enable me to do it...with lots of grace. Grace for me. Grace for our kids.

I think I'll need to post more on this subject matter. I'm getting LOTS of questions from women who love Jesus deeply and love their kids fully, but are caught in this tension. I'd love to share more of what I've learned, and as I move forward mistakes I'll undoubtedly make. Stay tuned...

So on the days when I can't be with my kids,
I'm grateful to receive pictures from Brian, such as this one,
which include me on the moments that I miss.

Addise's First Birthday

Here are a few pictures from Addise's first birthday. It was a wee bit anti-climatic because all four of us were in various stages of a 2 week cold/sinus infection. The day was pretty low key yet on the forefront of our minds was that 1 year ago today our lives changed forever. We just didn't know it yet.

Addise's first outfit on her birthday. It's hard to get this girl to sit still! Her shirt said, "Grandma's Love Bug" in honor of her Grandma Getz coming out to celebrate.

Needless to say, the sugar changed everything...I would like to brag that I made the cupcakes. I didn't buy them. I made them. From a box. It's what I do.

Before - she had no idea what was about to hit her!

Before - Judah was very excited it was Addise's first birthday,

for purely selfish reasons!

During - being introduced to her cupcake!

After - she LOVED her cupcake.

After - the sugar coma before the freak out. This was our worst night with Judah to date. He was awake until almost 10pm.

After - a bath was required.

For those who have 10 minutes to spend, this video of their first experience with this amount of sugar will be sure to have you laughing!! [Sorry for the microphone and filming mistakes. This was my first time doing a long video on my iPhone]



Flowers for her birthday. There are a bunch of asters in the bouquet in celebration of her name: Addise Aster Tarike Diaz. Her name means "new life and flowers". Endlessly true of who she is!
Happy Birthday, Baby Girl! We love you.

Who is Judah Abebayehu Diaz?

When he's feeling a bit precocious, he wrinkles his nose, borderline grunts, and slowly back ups with his little feet. He has a dozen predominant expressions, but they mostly involved a wrinkled up nose and showing his chicklet front teeth. He giggles from the depth of his bloated belly.
He's an explorer and definitely finds whatever is not child-proofed in our house. When Brian or I leaves the front door, he's quick to poke his head behind the curtains and blinds to see us walk down our stairs and toward the garage.

He's in the 1% in weight and 0.33% in height, but generally really healthy. He's wearing 18-24 month clothes. He's learned to say "momma" - which he was calling both Brian and I for over a week, "daddy" - which he's still learning is Brian, and "bye-bye" - which he learned from his V-tech toolbox thanks to Auntie Melissa and Uncle Brian. We think he's really smart because of how much he observes the world around him with his massive brown eyes. We can tell he's really beginning to understand English too. His frustration communicating is ever-so-slightly less and less every day.

He loves chomping massive bites of banana. Milk is not his friend. He's a trooper of an eater, and has done really well learning new foods and experimenting with non-Ethiopian food. Today, he pooped on the toilet for the first time. It was the highlight of my day. One less diaper to change and we're on the way to potty training!

He's definitely grieving. We're handling 4-8 tantrums of varying intensity every day. Nap time and bed time can be tearful and scary for him. We're learning how to love him through those and help him grieve. He's learning how to be loved through those tantrums.

He's a cuddler and lover. He's just started kissing me, daddy, and his little sister on the lips. Melt my heart! After a tantrum he wants to be held like a baby [very common for adoptive toddlers]. When he wakes up in the morning around 5:00-5:30 [!!!!] he comes into bed with Brian and me. He likes to sleep perpendicular in bed and always has at least 1 appendage on Brian and me. He prefers that one of our appendages is touching him, too.

He loves, loves, loves bath-time, especially splashing momma and daddy. He's not afraid of water in his eyes, in fact it's almost a game. He loves his sister most of the time and tolerates her the other times. He particularly is annoyed with her when she tries to climb all over him and incapacitates him from moving at will.

He's totally a boy. He's into kicking anything on the ground, sister included, throwing balls and blocks, figuring out how things work, and he's already into the Chicago Bears and Fighting Illini.