March: Looking Back.

March. Oh March. Where did you go? As the weeks fly by and we get closer to baby #3, our days get fuller and fuller. Our life margin is as narrow as it's ever been. But life feels abundant and wonderfully good.

If you know me (or my mother), you know I'm a woman of lists. They help me settle my ADD brain and make life manageable on paper. I've created a couple lists for these last 8 weeks and 3 days until our son is scheduled to arrive (who's counting?). One list for work seems impossibly long. The other list for personal projects is just called "Ticking time bomb tasks...". Last month we crossed off a number of HUGE tasks including buy a minivan, sell a Honda, file taxes, finish paperwork for Judah and Addise's legal name change, social security cards and adoption re-finalization, organize the garage and finish registering for my baby shower.

There was also about 2 weeks of sickness that invaded our house as we passed around some flu/cold virus. It spared no one. We also had 5 different doctor appointments between the 4.5 of us in a week's time. Glorious.

Did I mention all this was on top of growing a baby in my bulging belly, developing two little breathing beings, working full time in a high capacity job, and nurturing my most valuable marriage? Yeah. No margin. 

Last month was also graced with my parent's presence for the last week of the month. My mom is a picture perfect grandma - present, fun, affectionate, authoritative, teachable, and willing to be bossed around. Judah and Addise LOVE her and wish my parents didn't have to get on an "airplane to go bye-bye". My dad was also here for part of the time and though admittedly not a little kid guy, he found ways to connect with our kiddos - tickling, ongoing jokes, and loud noises - and they adore him. My favorite repetitive moment was Addise refusing to call my dad "grandpa" but insisting his name is "gamma". It started as a teaching experience and turned into hysterical laughter all around.

I won't even get into what this month - my month! - looks like other than a master bathroom remodel, hospital tour, have our carpets cleaned, and organizing whatever space isn't 100% utilized in our modest condo so we can accommodate another child and ensuing stuff. The month of May is equally as ambitious.

Pregnancy is well...not my favorite. My dad identified that I'm experiencing this pregnancy more as a task to be completed than an emotional journey. It's true. It's hard to do the latter with all the other happening. Currently, my favorite pregnancy symptoms are carpal tunnel, swollen face (especially my nose!) hands and feet, a dozen skin tags, itchy belly, utter exhaustion, compressed lungs that leave me breathless after walking up the stairs, snoring that keeps my dear husband sleepless, red rash around my nose, and waking up to pee or flop into a new position 3-5 times each night. And I may very well gain 40 pounds in these last 8 weeks. I'm insatiably hungry and munchy. I've also had a couple doctor appointments in the last few weeks that have indicated that my son and I are measuring about 2 weeks ahead of schedule, which either means he's coming early (PLEASE SOVEREIGN JESUS!) or he's going to be huge. Please pray. I'm begging you. Brian was over 8 lbs and his itty-bitty Puerto Rican mother had to push him out. I'm praying for a different end to our story. Otherwise, all is going well in this final trimester. "One and done" - this is the motto of my pregnancy.

Judah and Addise are impossibly cute and giggling at their shenanigans after bedtime, sometimes infuriated, often baffled, and ever grateful for their beautiful lives. Here are a few snapshots into this past month.

"PIZAZZ!" Is what my mom has aptly identified as Addise's 1-word descriptor. Her newest phrases are "what?!?!?", "mommy, where's dat?!?", "come on, mommy", while furiously nodding her head in a sing-song voice - "Ya like it?!?" She's also fond of saying "NO MOMMY" with some undisclosed authority, which is often met with stern discipline and a chance to do-over.  Lord, have mercy.

Judah's first time constructively contributing to our grocery trip. He thrives on being a helper. I recently submitted this picture to a Gap open casting call which begins next month. I'm whipped over this one.

Addise got to ride a horse at a family celebration on Palm Sunday at our church. The cowboy who lead her down the suburban parking lot had her giggling with glee as the horsey galloped. Priceless.

BOUNCY! This is a pregnant mother's nightmare as climbing in to said bouncy house to collect her enthralled children is pretty much impossible. Eventually they came out. I don't know why or how.

Judah loved chasing and playing with some sheep, goats, bunnies, and chickens in a petting zoo on Palm Sunday. I have to catch my breath when I see my little Ethiopian having these childhood experiences for the first time. The longer he's with us, the more we see his confidence and boldness increasing. It's a reminder that our attachment work is not done.

Addise got her grubby hands on 4 freshly washed apples and gnawed into them with her little teeth. She was proud of her achievement. I was not.

Pain Remnants

Even though Judah and Addise are home forever and we delight in being a family, pockets of pain surprise me and still sucker punch me from time to time.

Let me state my deep belief - every part of the adoption story is painful. Every part. The part where a child lost her biological parent(s) to death, sickness, abandonment, or in order to survive. The part where [some] adoptive parents suffer through the unimaginable pain of infertility. The part when the adoption process take five thousand more years than you signed up for. The part after you receive your referral and still wait endless weeks and months for governments to do their jobs. And yes, even the parts after your child comes home.

The current pain puts Judah on center stage. We were matched with Judah when he was 2 years and 1 month old. We entered into his story soon after he turned 2 years old and received very limited information about his family of origin, health history, and first home. We gleefully received about 10 pictures of our new son. And we so happy that HE was the ONE that God chose to be our son. He was a perfect match in every way and beyond our wildest prayers. He still is.

But this month Addise is 2 years and 1 month old. We met Addise at 9 months old and brought her home at 11 months and definitely grieve missing her first days of life. But one day this week it hit me like a ton of bricks that we have hundreds of pictures of Addise from the past 14 months and millions of memories of our life together as a family.

Yet it was at Addise's age this month that we first were introduced to Judah. Sucker punch in the gut. Hot tears knowing how much we don't know about his first 25 months of life. As his mom, I have no idea how to become okay with this other than trust the God who brought us together.

Without hesitation, it was worth it. The ongoing pain is worth it. Judah needed a family and though we've missed out on hundreds of pictures and millions of memories, we are creating them now and would do it all over again. Judah is worth it.

First time on a carousel. At Disneyland.

February In Review

What a month it's been. I'm humored that it's Leap Year tomorrow because it has felt like we've fit in at least one more day this month than is normally calendared. Referencing a quote referring to parenting little ones feels very apropos: "the days go slow and the years go so fast".

Here are a few of the highlights from our past 28 days...

The month began with a brave and committed attempt to potty train our first two children. With carpets lined with plastic and counter-tops filled with fun drinks and celebration treats, we began potty training first thing Saturday morning.  Judah was a superstar and was literally potty trained by his nap. Since then, he's only had a couple accidents and stays dry most every nap and overnight. His confidence, independence, and overall joy-factor has increased exponentially. So have ours. Addise is another story. Our strong willed daughter had no problem peeing all over herself and standing in her urine. Un-phased. We quit potty training her in about 24 hours after she proved no interest or desire to follow her brother's lead. Hopefully we'll get her taken care of before baby #3 enters the party.

You can tell Judah is already so proud (and modest). PS. his shirt says, "my dad's tattoos are cooler than yours". My mom bought him this shirt. Awesome.

Capri Sun 100% Juice was a great incentive!

So proud of him! Thomas the Train undies are his favorite. Mommy's favorite are Paul Frank undies.

Shortly after our potty training failure, our baby girl turned two years old. She's still topping the height and weight charts, as is her daily word count. We decided to celebrate her birthday by renewing our Disneyland annual passports and spending a couple days there as a family. Seeing the happiest place on earth through the eyes of our kids is truly magical!

Our beautiful giant on her birthday holding her "big" brother's hand. Poofs and all.

After riding "It's a Small World" at Disney. Fitting for our multi-cultural family.

Love her buttery skin, expressive eyes, and ever-moving mouth.

Exploring her blocks from Grandma and Grandpa. LOVE them.

We also were gifted by a friend with a photo shoot to capture Addise's 2nd birthday and our 1 year anniversary as a family. We went to Balboa Pier on the ocean and had a blast snapping pics of our crazy kiddos on a sunny, warm February Friday.

Loving each other on the pier

Like father like son

How do you put a caption to this??

Oh, yeah. And I'm now 6 months pregnant with our son. This has undeniably been the best month of pregnancy. Of course, I'm still exhausted and uncomfortable at any given moment, but I'm grateful to feel our son kick to his heart's delight. Last night I felt his hiccups for the first time. He also is very fond of digging into my ribs. I'm less fond of this. My pregnancy app says he's now 2 pounds and 10+ inches long. I'm dreaming of him exiting the womb with a head full of dark curls like his daddy and praying some Puerto Rican genes win out. In other news, I'm losing my belly button at an alarming rate, all my shoes are cutting off circulation, and rolling my body out of our Honda Civics is proving more difficult by the day. Perhaps the most entertaining pregnancy news was the overnight swelling of my ring finger. For 5 days I diligently attempted to remove my rings with every known technique and product. To no avail. Finally, I went to a jewelers per my grandmother's urging and they CUT OFF my engagement and wedding rings. The jeweler affirmed those babies had to get off STAT.

Before.

After. Yes, my finger is bruised.

I also began registering for baby #3 and shockingly realized that I have now registered for MORE items for our newborn/infant son, than I did for Judah and Addise combined. What?!?! The amount of "stuff" required for a breastfeeding infant is a bit overwhelming.

Brian's birthday and Valentine's Day also went celebrated as we got two date nights this month. What a gift!

Throughout the month I've also been doing some mad research on a couple major purchases that need to be made in the before labor and delivery. Due to 3 kids in car seats for the next several years, we have to move from a Honda Civic to a minivan. Yes. It's true. However, I'm getting quite excited about this purchase as my bulging body and growing toddlers are oozing out of our economy car. We are also exploring remodeling our master bathroom to include a stackable washer-dryer unit. The amount of laundry we do without an infant is mind-boggling and has become unmanageable in a shared laundry room. In an 1100 sq ft condo, we are having to maximize every square inch of our space. We are praying for some divine miracles in these two purchases and trusting God to provide exactly what our family needs. We've already seen him move in extraordinary ways and believe he'll do it once again.

So, that's our month in review. Celebration. Preparation. Anticipation. Here's to March...