13 Days Later

Lucky 13. It's been a ride these past 2 weeks.

Asher continues to spend his first weeks of life in the NICU. I've grown to love his nurses, especially Sherry who's been a NICU nurse for 39 years (!!!!), and adore his attentive doctors. They call us regularly with updates on his progress and are always concerned about how I'M doing, too. Asher's wearing itty-bitty preemie clothes which seem more suitable for dolls and wrapped in his aden & anais muslin blankets. He sleeps 23 hours a day. He poops like it's his full time job. His facial expressions are too many to count and change in a millisecond. He now weighs 5 lbs, having gained 11 ounces in his first 13 days of life. But my best news is that he's taken 5 full bottles since yesterday!!!!! He still needs to finish 8 bottles in a row (1.5 ounces/feeding in 24 hours) in order to be considered to come home. We have a ways to go. All I want for Mother's Day is for Asher to be home. I'm being told it's unrealistic and not to get my hopes up...but what else is a momma supposed to do!?!? Once again we find ourselves waiting...

I can't keep from thinking about how my Ethiopian babies were born on a hut floor with no doctors, no monitors, no prenatal care, and no medications. And yet they are perfectly perfect. Then there's my newest baby born with all the first world privileges and needing every one for survival. It's mind boggling how in spite of where Judah and Addise were born, everything went text book for their pregnancy and birth AND how if Asher was born in Ethiopia he wouldn't be alive. All babies are miracles straight from the sweetest place in heaven...

In love...

Judah was circumcised on Friday morning. I'm still at the "what in the world have we done to our son?!?!" stage. For the most part he's loving watching movies all day and being fed whatever he wants. Mommy guilt. He's had a handful of excruciatingly painful moments that have left me near tears. Overall, he's doing great. We keep saying together "brave and strong like daddy" to get him through the difficult moments.

All groggy after surgery watching TV.

As if we have nothing else going on in our lives, this morning Brian ran his second half marathon of 2012 (he's signed up for 2 more). By 9:30 this morning he'd already run 13.1 miles after barely training. I don't know how he did it, but I'm way impressed he did! He's also been wrangling contractors and construction workers desperately trying to get our master bathroom finished. We are praying it's completed this week.

"May gray" before the race began.

Addise has been bouncing off the walls and has been showing signs that she understands she's no longer the baby of the family. Today she did the impossible and peed in her potty FOR THE FIRST TIME with grandma. Grandma may be a miracle worker and she can stay forever. Her hair is also getting neglected in the craziness of our days. Sorry baby girl. She's talking, singing, and screaming every moment of the day. She even wakes up singing.

Grandma, aka my mom, is here for 3 weeks to love on babies and pull all kinds of weight around our home. She's sleeping on an air mattress, making food, chasing babies, changing diapers, keeping the kitchen clean, and attending to our beck and call. She's also planning on coming out in June and July to keep helping. She loves it and she's exhausted at the end of every day. A most excellent grandma and momma we have!

Someone got in momma's make-up. Safe to say we have different coloring. :)

At the end of the day, I'm doing better than I expected. I keep forgetting I had major surgery and that I left my baby in the NICU. My recovery is going so much better than I was told or anticipated, which for a girl who's allergic to pain is a huge answer to prayer. My incision pain has been declining most every day and I'm getting around pretty darn well. My figure is coming back (YIPPEE!). Pumping has been a pain in the butt but going super well, which makes me abundantly happy that Asher's getting my milk 8 times a day even though I can't physically give it to him. Though I'm so very tired at some point every day, I'm grateful that I can recover from surgery and transition into our new life while Asher's getting stellar hospital care. The highlight of my day is holding my littlest baby. I could not be more grateful for my family of five.

Miraculous. Redemptive. Hope-filled. This is our life these days - bursting full of chaos and drama and oh-so good.

Introducing Baby Diaz #3!

At 1:40am, Doctor Fung woke me up. Immediately, I noticed she was in her scrubs with hair net on and my gut told me what was coming: EMERGENCY C-SECTION. She gently explained in as few words as possible for my blurry brain that the baby's heart rate had delcelerated twice in an hour and had gone longer and lower than previously. He needed to come out. Now.

Flustered, I called Brian and asked him to come immediately. We tried to call some sleeping friends to no avail, yet quickly got a hold of our children's pastor and friend, Julie. In a 15 second phone call she agreed to come stay with Judah and Addise. Thirty minutes later, Brian arrived at the hospital and the games began!

By 2:45am we were in surgery the entire thing was done by 3:40am. Amazing doctors and nurses all around. Serioulsy - SO BLESSED!

All spiffed up in his jumpsuit.

Behind the veil. I had to tape my nose ring for some reason. It's surreal to me that I have 3 babies and have never felt labor or any real contractions!! I am not complaining here. :)

Asher Zacarias Diaz.

 Born April 23, 2012 at 3:03am.

4 lbs 5 oz and 16 inches long.

We toiled over his name all the way until last week.  But finally we agreed that we loved how it sounded as much as what it meant.

• Asher - "blessed, happy, fortunate" Asher is a Hebrew name, also a son from the 12 Tribes of Israel in the Old Testament, like his brother, Judah. Unmistakeably, his life is blessed by the miraculous and gracious hand of God.
• Zacarias - "God remembered" The Spanish spelling of his name (a shout out to Brian's Puerto Rican/Spanish roots) is from the New Testament. He was John the Baptist's father, unable to conceive with his wife Elizabeth for decades. This passage was prayed over us years ago during our infertility journey. You can read his story in Luke 1.

After the surgery we were so glad we followed the doctors orders! We found out that Asher had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck TWICE and was stepping on in...and this in the breech position. There was no way he was staying in my belly safely much longer, much less going full term with a vaginal delivery!!! PRAISE GOD.

Otherwise, he's so healthy. He looks great. Breathing on his own. Sucking on his hand. Moving his arms and legs on his own. He was given a 8 of 10 number after his birth...a full term baby only can have 9 of 10. Blessed.

For a Type A personality this whole process has stripped away my preparedness. AND I'M TOTALLY OK WITH IT. No breastfeeding class taken. No Lamaze classes. No hospital bag packed. No forms prepared to jump start disability insurance. Whatever. My son and I are doing well.

Wanna see some pics?

Head full of dark hair, just like I dreamed. 4 lbs and 5 oz. Not bad for a 7 week old early baby!!!

Snuggle baby

Our non-Ethiopian baby boy. He's perfect. Chunky. 10 fingers, 10 toes. Chomps his gums like an old man searching for his dentures. His crying is a like a mix of a dog and teradactyl. I've yet to see his eyes. His ears are so brilliantly designed. His nose is gorgeous!

He looks so tiny next to the giant green hand.

I've yet to hold my son, but then again I had to wait 3 months after being introduced to Judah and Addise to hold them and another 7 week separation before they came home. This feels easy compared to that ocean-separation. Don't get me wrong - I cannot wait to hold my son.

Now we are awaiting being transported to another hospital that has a NICU that can adequately hold us. There are no long-term beds in this inn today. Bummer. Since I got to my part-partum room at 6 am, I've been attempting rest between incessant knocks on my door. Asher is kickin' it in the NICU. Brian's at home with the bathroom contractor and 2 big siblings. I got to talk with them on the phone this morning and Judah totally knows what's going on. He communicated he knew his baby brother was born, that his name was Asher, and proceeded to kiss the phone when I asked if he loved him. They also know this means "gamma" is coming to see them soon which may be the highlight at the moment. :)

So, there you have it. Welcome Asher Zacarias to our family and our world. I'm gonna try and get some rest again.

Much love and a FULL heart...

Sordid Stories at 8 Months

32 weeks and 5 days. According to my iPhone app, our son is as big as a honeydew, roughly weighing in at 4.5 lbs and 29 inches. He seems to be doing great flip-flopping in belly. Enjoying being heads up before he settles down for his hopefully undramatic arrival.

But it's not all fun and games in the pregnancy world these days. At my last appointment, which my mom was joyfully able to attend, my blood pressure was fairly elevated. Apparently, it wasn't the first time (though I don't remember a previous warning flag) so my midwife ordered a battery of blood and urine tests. This week I got some results and next steps that left me leaking a few tears as I pulled out of my "stork parking" spot at Kaiser. My blood work all came back normal. My urine tests needed to be repeated. My blood pressure was high again. After an unexpected conversation with the OB on call, she requested my blood work to be repeated and begin 2/week non-stress tests (NST) at the hospital until our son is born. She also dropped a bomb that bed rest may be in my future if my blood pressure doesn't start cooperating. WHAT?!?

With these added appointments, I literally have over 20 scheduled appointments between now and his due date. It's a part-time job.

I went for my first NST on Tuesday and what was supposed to take 40 minutes took an hour and a half. During the NST they are checking his movement and heart rate, my blood pressure, and I get an ultrasound every time checking my amniotic fluid levels and his breathing. We both faired wonderfully on Tuesday and I began reading Anne Lamott's latest book, Some Assembly Required: A Journal of My Son's First Son.

Monitoring our every move....

All and all it was a great experience. The nurses are fabulous. The leather reclining chair was uber soothing. The reading was fitting. The extra peak at our son was beautiful.

Today I went in for NST #2 and within a few minutes she unplugged me and apologetically announced that after my ultrasound she was going to hand-deliver me to labor and delivery to be further monitored. My blood pressure was 142/100 and she did wanted me to be monitored by a doctor. Bleh. More blood and urine tests were run. My blood work came back normal. The "other test" requires 24 hours of gathering the evidence. Gross. My blood pressure was automatically checked every 15 minutes and vacillated from too high to normal. Baby Boy seemed to not notice as he rocked it floating obliviously in my belly. What I planned on being a 40 minute NST turned into a 4 hour detour in L&D today.

Tomorrow morning Brian and I head in for a 2 hour hospital tour, though I got the speedy version today. Tomorrow afternoon I get to hand in the "other test" and have another NST. And we'll go from there. A weekend at the hospital. Just what I was hoping for in the midst of the bathroom remodel. Who wouldn't want to spend their day off strapped to monitors instead of playing with little Ethiopians?!?

My BIGGEST prayer is that my blood pressure will stabilize in a normal zone and that I don't have to go on meds, bed rest, or any other terrible alternative (preeclampsia can be quite dangerous for mother and baby if untreated). The rest of my family also needs some prayer. Brian's pulling most all the weight at home and with our kids. He's always on, never off and getting oh-so tired. The introvert in him is screaming for care and I can't help. Judah and Addise are also starting to act out a bit. They are needy, whiny, and want their mommy. But mommy can't do what she normally does with them. I hate this the most. This weekend Brian and I are going to do some re-evaluating for these last 7 weeks and determine what must give for me and the baby to stay healthy. I need to listen to my husband and my limits more than ever...which is not my strong suit.

To leave this sordid post on a positive note, Brian and I determined over text messaging this week (the 21st century couple we are) what our son's full name will be!!!!!! Even after this week, his name means so much. We can't wait to share it with you after his safe arrival. Here's also a few pictures of the big brother and sister who get cuter and cuter by my assessment. Thanks for your love and prayers and help. We need them.

Making gluten-free oatmeal cookies together.

"Hurry up and cool down!"

My snuggle boy