5 + 1/2 His Life

It's hard to believe that our firstborn is 5 years old. July 8th celebrates Judah's 5th birthday (according to his records, though we are suspect of his actual birthdate). Perhaps it's mostly hard to believe he's 5 years old because he's only been with us half his life.

Of course, as midnight was approaching on his birthday, floods of gratefulness and sadness filled me as I remembered his birth mother, his birth family. If you've been following our journey since the early days, you'll know that we had the holy privilege of meeting Judah's birth mother in November 2010 when we became his legal parents. You'll also know that's the only part of his birth story we are sharing with anyone. Judah deserves to be the first to know his whole story.

However, on big days like birthdays I cannot help but go back to those minutes with his birth mother, remember her story, recount Judah's origin story, and grieve once again for the trauma his losses have brought him. Yet his birthday is also a reminder of the reckless love and redemption that exists for orphans and longing parents. Judah's story is a story of grace

and power 

and healing

and guttural giggles

and tenderness for the outsider

and a gentle, warmheartedness for what's right

and a strong conscious when he's done wrong

and protective instincts over his little sister and brother

and lavish affection for his momma and daddy

and profuse "I love you's"

and inclinations toward all things superhero, rocket ships, volcanoes, bikes, and new things

and a tenacity to learn and relearn all over again

and tentativeness toward people and things that are not safe

and a full life.

This boy is someone special.

Just a few weeks ago a friend from church told me this story about our son. A little girl wanted her mom in their class and our friend went to comfort the little girl. Judah didn't know this little girl (other than class), still went up to my friend and asked, "What's wrong with her?" My friend comforting the girl said, "She's just sad and misses her mommy." Judah pulled up a chair next to the little girl, held her hand and said, "It's okay. You can leave. I'll take care of her." My friend did as she was told and went to go look for the girl's mommy. Several minutes passed and her momma couldn't be found so my friend went back to check on the little girl. In a room full of busy, active 4- and 5-year olds, Judah was still sitting next to the little girl, holding her hand.

That's our son. Anointed.

Judah's come a long way in the past 2.5 years. He's physically grown so much - weight, height, teeth, potty trained, losing a language (or two) and gaining another. But he's grown in his security, attachment, confidence, understanding, and heart. His growth is captivating.

One of the first pictures when I laid eyes on my son. He was barely (even?) 2.  8 teeth. 18 pounds here. Brand new in the orphanage in Ethiopia.  We have no pictures before he turned 2.

This about captures us.

3rd Birthday. His first birthday home! (Only 6 months home)

3rd Birthday. His first bike. Notice the blocks taped to the pedals. Our little guy couldn't yet reach them.

3rd Birthday. A million kisses are yours.

He loves his daddy.

4th Birthday. No words.

Hanging out. Learning to stand on daddy's shoulders.

More confidence, sureness, and strength every day.

(Illegally) picking flowers for his teachers.

Our favorite Ethiopian restaurant. Celebrating the beauty of his roots.

5th Birthday. How old are you buddy?

5th Birthday. He's getting bigger and bigger.

5th Birthday. A boy, his daddy, and a lion. Celebrating his day at the San Diego Safari Wildlife Park. Cute kid kept saying he was going to "Africa" for his birthday.  I wrote, "Today was perfectly perfect for a 100 reasons. #1 was my 5-year old son. He delights me. Don't deserve to be his forever mom!"

Deserve? No. It's all grace.

Judah, your name means "praise". And you've filled our life with it because of who you are. This next year, your daddy and I bless you with your life verse from Psalm 117: 

"Praise the Lord, all you nations. 

Praise him, all you people of the earth. 

For he loves us with unfailing love; the Lord’s faithfulness endures forever. 

Praise the Lord!"

Happy birthday, buddy. Can't wait for this next year of your life. I love every single thing about you!

Tributes this Mother's Day

This day. This day is chock full of emotion. I get it.

• Prior to 2007 :: Mother's Day was only to be celebrated because I am blessed with a most incredible mother and two amazing grandmas.
• 2007-2008 :: We were in the thick of infertility treatments. I was aching to be a mom. Mother's Day plain sucked and I wanted to die in a hole.
• 2009 :: Hope emerged as we began our adoption journey. I also spoke at our church that Sunday. (The message can be found HERE)
• 2010 :: It was still just Brian and me.
• 2011 :: Then there were 4 Diaz's. My first Mother's Day.
• 2012 :: Then there were 5 Diaz's. Asher joined our family and actually came HOME from the NICU on Mother's Day. Well played, God.
• 2013 :: Celebrating motherhood with 3 healthy children.

On this day, I recognize those women who have forever changed me as a woman and as a mom.

Mom, you truly have shown me how to mother because of your never-ending sacrifice and love for your children. You always have time for us. Constantly celebrate with us. Pray diligently for us. Faithfully correct us. And you still love our Dad. Thank you for loving me in such a way that mothering has come natural to me. I love you.

Grandma Getz, since I was a little girl, you've shown me that it's okay to be me and have applauded my gifts, strengths, and passions. I hope I make you proud. Grandma Neukomm, you've loved your family faithfully and diligently. Thank you for your committed love for us and our God.

My mother-in-law - Laura, you've given me the greatest gift - your son! He is the most upright, loyal, strong, dedicated, loving, and faithful man I've ever known. Thank you for your part in raising him to be the man he is to me and our children.

My sisters-in-law - Zobeida, Liz, Vivian, and Sarah Beth. You are all, sincerely, amazing mothers. 11 kids between the 5 of our families. I'm deeply grateful that my kids get to call you "aunt". I love you all.

The women who long to be called "mom" - SK, BSM, KPS to name a few. I see you today and pray with you. This is not the end.

To the working moms all around me - Rebecca, Jeanne, Kara, Julie, Hana, Tara, Mindy. The way you love your children and are obedient to your calling takes my breath away and pushes me. You help me believe I, too, can do this. You inspire me to kick down walls for our daughters.

To the adoptive/foster care momma's who fill me with hope and joy and compassion, especially Erin. You remind me I'm not crazy. You validate, instruct, and give grace to my "kiddos from hard places" and remind me that parenting them isn't "just like" parenting my bio son. You affirm the great calling that is adoption and love me on the good and hard days.

Finally, to the mothers who made me a mom - Judah and Addise's birth mothers. I weep when I think of the necessary sacrifice you made for your son and daughter. It is my greatest privilege and pleasure to mother Abebayehu and Tarike. They would make you proud and filled with joy. We love them as our own, no matter what. You have my greatest respect and affection.

And now, a few pictures of the wonders that make today a very, very good day...

I love how they love each other.

The ones who call me "mommy". The sunglasses hide my tired eyes, my tears of gratitude, and the sparkle in my eyes that they bring to my life.

It really is unfair how cute my kids are. :)

Brian surprised me by taking us back to where 1-year ago we celebrated Mother's Day while Asher was in the NICU. This Mother's Day he partied with us.

Flowers from a friend who thanked me once again for giving that "real" Mother's Day talk 4 years ago.  A reminder that our whole stories are worth sharing. Always. And that sharing our pain really can become a platform for transformation.

Mother's Day 2012. Asher came home from the NICU!

2012 :: Leaving the hospital. The little nugget in the background is Asher.

One year later. Pure goodness.

And Then He Was One.

One year ago today, we were holding this newborn miracle. 

Four pounds, five ounces. 16.5 inches. Born at 33 weeks. He was born way too early yet exactly on time. That's the thing about God. 

Today we celebrated the first year of his life...

In line with our multicultural family and community. Asher donned a Korean hanbok. The line of the day was Judah's: "Hey Mom, is that Baby Asher there?" Our family: part Puerto Rican, part Ethiopian, part Caucasian and part Korean. We wanted Asher to wear a traditional Korean hanbok and do the toljiabee where he'd choose his destiny. He was offered a bowl of rice for becoming rich, yarn for long life, an apple for health, ball with the Ethiopian alphabet for athletics, a book for academics, sports wrap for medicine. He chose the apple. :) He didn't hesitate. A friend also loaned us 4 homemade beautiful towers to make it even more special! "Please save me." My Oreo Cookie. Judah is really the BEST big bro and Addise the BEST big sis. I love being their mom. I can't believe I get to be their mom. "LOOK AT ALL THESE PRESENTS!" Why is the wrapping better than the actual gifts?!?! Trying on his new, personalized octopus backpack from Grandma and Grandpa. Cool dude. My boy. I could blubber on about the fullness this little miracle has brought our life. I could wax eloquent on how God exchanges our tears for joy. It would be easy to rattle off adjectives as I proudly share his vibrant personality and this preemie's developmental bounds. Instead, I will leave with a blessing for our second son's first birthday. Asher, you are a miracle. When we named you "Asher Zacarias" we did so with painstaking intentionality and already you are living into your identity. Because God remembered our prayer for a child years ago, you have blessed our life beyond feeble words. Happiness consumes your face and body and being. And you have filled our home with even more happiness. We didn't know we needed you but our whole family has so desperately needed you. You've brought healing and wholeness and simple goodness. As you grow, may you know that you are loved, no matter what. May you remember the God who made you and be a blessing to others because you have been blessed. May you grow into all of who God's created you to be. May your life really count for something good and lovely and noble.  I love being your momma. Happy birthday, baby boy. Just showing off on his birthday. "Preemie" doesn't define this one...