Transitions

Think about the last big move you had [for every member of my family of origin, this is a recent reality]. Stressful? Exhausting? Emotionally draining? Nerve wracking? Time consuming? Yes, I'm sure to most of those feelings and probably a few more.

Now think about being 2 or 3 years old and feeling all of those feelings, but not being able to rationalize it, put it into perspective, articulate your feelings, verbalize your loss and processing, and truly understand what's happening in your world.

That is the reality for kids facing adoption. That is Judah's reality as a nearly 2 1/2 year old little guy who can't speak English, hasn't had parents in a long time, and lives in a very different world that our zip code. That is Addise's reality who's spent the vast majority of her life in an orphanage.

For both of our kids, they are facing their 4th transition in their short lives!! Have you had to move homes 4 times in 1 year? Probably not. Then, throw in the fact that you now how different care takers, nutrition, bed, and surroundings and you'll get a snapshot into the kind of grieving, loss, and transition that our little ones are experiencing. It's unfathomable to me.

As I've been grieving alongside my kids for their transitions and loss, I've wondered how they felt with Brian and I coming to their 3rd home, loving on them for 3 days, then leaving them. Do they understand what's happening? Do they know we are their parents, or do they just think that we're another set of hands to hold them?
I was sharing my questions with another adoptive mom at Newsong whose adopted daughter is an adult and she said something that seared into my heart: there's something different about a mother's and father's touch - they know the difference. I don't know if research and developmental experts would confirm her words of comfort, but I have to believe that there IS something different about the way we held, kissed, and played with Judah and Addise. It seems like a supernatural thing God would do to remind them that we have not left them as orphans [John 14:18].

All I know is that since we've been back from Ethiopia [2 weeks ago today!], I've been praying for their souls to be healed and prepared for another transition AND that we'd get that December 14th Embassy date!!!

Almost

Today was court. We passed...almost! The Ministry of Women's Affairs [MoWA] had to explain some of their comments to the judge, so we are hoping for some good news tomorrow that Lil' A and Baby T are officially ours! We fly out for Frankfurt in just a few hours, so maybe we'll celebrate tomorrow in Germany.

Today was incredibly emotional. Sweaty palms all day [no brainer if you know me well]. Anxious spirit - not in the worrysome way, just in the "I'm ready for this to be over with!" way! Lots of waiting. But once we were before the judge, she asked us 5 "yes or no" questions and we were finished. Court lasted all of 90 seconds!

After court we got to go back to the orphanage and see our kiddos. We were able to spend about 3 hours holding, kissing, and playing with them. It was really bittersweet knowing that we'd have to say goodbye today for a few weeks. We took a bunch of family pictures. Hopefully we'll be able to post pics once we get back home. We also hope to have a family-of-four Christmas card this year! :)

We also had an unexpected opportunity today that brought out lots of tears. We had the amazing grace of meeting our children's birth mothers after court. We were able to spend 15-20 minutes with them - asking them questions, giving our deepest thanks, ensuring their comfort that we would love their children forever, and asking their blessing for their children. I don't want to share much about our encounter because of it's intense intimacy for our children's stories, but needless to say it was beyond priceless. Pictures and video were taken in full. Heartfelt and strong hugs were given. Tears were shed. It was powerful beyond words. I'm crying as I write this. What deep love is required to give up your child when you know you cannot provide for them? That kind of mother's love levels me...

When we laid Baby T into her bed, kissed her pudgy cheeks then took Lil' A into his playroom and kissed the top of his head, we nearly lost it. We lingered with our hands on his chest and faces on his head. We walked into the hallway together and just held each other for a few moments. I cried. A lot. Brian said some comforting words. We'll be back soon. But leaving them was brutal. I cried all the way home.

As we leave Ethiopia tonight, it has been a powerful reality that after over 3 years of desiring a family, a family was formed this week. This incredibly painful season is almost over when our kids will join us and we'll be a forever family. God is oh-so good.

2nd Visit

Yesterday with our kiddos was nearly magical. We had over 2 hours with them, but it went by in the blink of an eye. Baby T was sleeping again when we got there [her morning nap starts at 10am and that's when we arrived!]. She looked beautiful sleeping in her little bed, but the nanny picked her up and gave her to "mama". She cooed and snuggled into my chest...ahhh, love. Brian went to get Lil' A, and he also looked pretty sleepy. It started to look like we were in for another sleepy day together. Baby T slept on my chest for about 15 minutes, and Lil' A snuggled on Brian.

Lil' A :: Then, the head nanny, Sister Asayech, came in with Lil' A's snack, a cup of milk. Brian fed him the milk in a sippy cup and he started to perk up. They started playing together on his lap, and Lil' A's personality started coming alive. He started smiling, showing off his big chiclet front teeth. Some friends gave us a book where we could record our voices as we read the book - it was a BIG hit with Lil' A. It was the first time that we could really see his sweet personality come alive!!!! THANKS KIM'S AND MERRITT'S! He read that book multiple times. You could tell that his little brain was making connections between the voices coming from the book and our voices. Again, LOVE! Next, we showed him the photo album book that we made for them. We put in about 20 pictures of Brian and I [it was funny to see how many different hair colors and cuts I've had in the past couple years...haha], 6 pics of our families, and 4 pics of Lil' A and Baby T. Lil' A looked through that book countless times. It was like he was memorizing the pictures, and making connections to us. It was so adorable to see him look at pictures of himself and his baby sister. I wish I could know what he was thinking, because it was clear he was truly processing all that information. Brian also started playing peek-a-boo with him, and he went from little smiles to full on giggles. We couldn't stop laughing. It was priceless!

Baby T :: She is the smiley-est baby ever. I'm already kissing the heck out of her big, gorgeous lips. And she loves it!! She's really developmentally on target. She's rolling from front-to-back and back-to-front. She's scooting on her belly [probably would've done more if she wasn't on a bed], and sitting up for long periods of time. She's got a killer finger grip, and she eats like a champ. I got to feed her some milk [not from a bottle - from a container like a little shot glass!] and cereal. And the girls' got ROLLS of fat all over her legs and arms! She's soooo healthy. We bonded BIG TIME yesterday. She was reaching for me, smiling, cooing, and even giggled a couple times. It was a great 9 month birthday together. She's my girl, for sure!

In just 4 hours we leave for court. We've been told that the actual court appointment this afternoon will last about 1 minute. Our kids' bio mothers will be at court this morning agreeing to their adoption. What an emotional day for all of us. I can't imagine what's going through their hearts. Adoption is truly supernatural, but is filled with pain and brokenness. Praying God will heal their mothers, give them peace, and allow court to be successful today.

I don't know how we are going to get on that plane tonight without them! I fear I will be a basket case boarding our plane. I will definitely leave a significant part of my heart here - both with our kids and in Ethiopia. I've really fallen in love with this place! Being with our kids is definitely causing me to pray for the quickest wait time until our Embassy appointment...more than ever. I just talked with a family who only had 3 weeks between their 2 trips. What a dream come true that would be!!!

**When we get back to the states, I'll do a couple blog posts on travel tips - what to see, do, and how to plan your trip to make the most of it. We definitely learned a few things!