12 Days of Christmas :: Maturation

DAY 11 :: I am grateful for the gift of maturity.

Adopting Judah and Addise has changed my prayer life. And it's changed how I ask people to pray on our behalf. This morning I was reading Exodus 14 and once again God's truth intersected exactly where I needed it.

¹³ But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. ¹⁴ The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”

As I read this chapter and cried, I started praying. When I was younger I would pray for things and make decisions to surrender because I thought [at least subconsciously] that if I prayed for the right things, in the right way, and gave up my will to his, then God would give me what I wanted. A+B=C, right? Nope - God cannot be manipulated like that. I've come to believe that as I pray, I am giving up my will to his and he also shapes it to conform to his will. Then, it is well with my soul. Believe me, I would swim to Ethiopia right now if I could [and I might have to with the insane amounts of rain we've had in SoCal!!!!]. But clearly what God's doing is much bigger than I know, and I've seen that clearly in retrospect in other areas of my life. Remember, he gives me what I need more than what I simply want.

EMBASSY UPDATE :: We are still waiting, but humanly speaking it doesn't look good. Essentially, the US Embassy still hasn't given us a green light to travel, and we are running out of time. We have until about 9am tomorrow morning AT THE LATEST to cancel our airline tickets. Our case managers have said that the Embassy wants for all 6 families cases to be resolved before they give any of us an Embassy date and the green light to travel. It doesn't make sense. Our case should be ready to go now. Our agency is petitioning on our behalf with the Department of State in DC. We are waiting for an update.

Please keep praying. I'm a mess, but am choosing to trust in this confusion. Your texts, messages, and prayers have carried our burden with us. Every message, question, and hug has caused me to cry, but it's needed. Thank you.

When I started this "12 Days of Christmas" series, I wasn't expecting this turn of events. It's been quite hard to write these, but it's also forced me to celebrate and be grateful when my heart is heavy and troubled.

One more pic to make you smile...what would you put as a caption to this picture?!?!

12 Days of Christmas :: Hope

DAY 9 :: I am grateful for HOPE.

I've been crying a lot today in light of our news today about potentially not being able to travel in 4 days. I can't imagine not being on a plane in 4 days, holding our babies in a week. I can't imagine...

As Brian and I prayed together today and he held me as I cried - multiple times - we were reminded of our hope in God, not an Embassy date. As dear friends prayed for us tonight, God tenderly reminded me that we hope in a God who is never late. When I got home, Brian pointed us back toward Lamentations 3:19-30 [The Message]. I love the author's emotional authenticity and staunch dependence on God despite the circumstances. I want to be this kind of woman. We want to be this kind of couple...

^19-21I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there's one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

^22-24God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

^25-27God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.

^28-30When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.

Brian got another tattoo last week, and this one is most personal to us, to our story.
Isaiah 40 has been a critical passage throughout our infertility and adoption journeys. We held on to the truth that when we wait on God that he'll give us new strength and we'll soar on wings like eagles. Brian's fresh tattoo is a permanent, visual reminder of the hope we've found in God [you can see the "h" from his "hope" tattoo, too].

If you are in need of hope tonight or are finding yourself waiting, do yourself a favor and download Vicki Yohe's song "In the Waiting". My friend Neah plopped earphones on my head tonight and rubbed my back as I SOBBED through the song. It'll pull you toward a God who works all things together for good.

Tonight, I'm grateful for Hope that does not disappoint. Not my will, but yours be done...

Embassy Date? URGENT PRAYER!

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST: We found out this morning that the U.S. Embassy is requiring more information [not previously required for Embassy appointments] for Judah and Addise. Our case manager said that it was simply additional photos required but another traveling family said additional documents were needed that were not needed beforehand. If that's the case, it's unknown how long it could be to go back and find additional documentation from our kids' birth places [several hours and 6-8 months ago!].

Our 28th Embassy date could fall through! PLEASE PRAY FOR MOUNTAINS TO BE MOVED AND MIRACLES TO HAPPEN - not just for our family but for the 5 other families that were planning on flying to Ethiopia this week.

I'm having a bit of meltdown. Brian and I just prayed together and as he was praying I felt like the Enemy was simply trying to steal some of God's glory in our story. Period. That's not ok. It's all God's. No matter what. But we want for him to get the greatest amount possible. And we really believed God's word and promises through family and friends about bringing them home in 2010.

We are desperately praying...

BACKSTORY:
As some of you may know, we received unofficial word 1 1/2 weeks ago that we had the 28th US Embassy date in Ethiopia. Last Monday we found out that the Embassy hadn't cleared us for travel, but were looking through our documents with a fine tooth comb assuring that everything was in place for the 28th. [Due to another change in policy by the Embassy that occurred on the SAME DAY as our unofficial word!] Our case manager seemed quite positive that we would eventually be cleared for travel, but maybe not until tomorrow (3 days before our flights!!). This morning our case manager called to let us know that the US Embassy wanted more pictures of Judah and Addise to confirm they are the right kids matching the documents. Supposedly those were submitted today Ethiopia-time.

If we do not get the 28th Embassy date, we will really be emotionally heartbroken. It will also be a pretty huge financial hit for us. Bottom Line: we want them home on the 31st!!! We really feel like God gave us some words of promise and hope – through many of YOU! - and just feel like we need to pray against any enemy interference, confusion, or issues.