Love & Fear & Waiting

Recently, our case manager sent us this email that beautifully describes the adoption process. We are there!

When you distill all the feelings associated with international adoption, it probably comes down to two basic emotions – love and fear. Love for children you have never seen, thousands of miles away, is something that cannot be explained. Fear that it is never going to happen is probably easier to explain. A sense of helplessness, being totally out of control, is common and manifests itself in a myriad of ways.

[from another adoptive mommy's blog]
"Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in they way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He's promised. Through the wait He's changing me. By means of the wait He's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands."

Thankful

This week we celebrated Thanksgiving with friends and family in Portland, and we couldn't help but to hope that next Thanksgiving we'll have our little ones celebrating this American holiday with us. Oh, that will be a great Turkey Day!

In the meantime, I've been thinking about all I'm thankful for this past year when it comes to our adoption.
Here are a few thoughts:

• I'm grateful for a husband who's been ever-loving, patient, tender, strong, and wise as we've totally partnered through our infertility and adoption process.
• Thankful that God clearly led us to adopt 2 little ones, instead of just 1 baby girl.
• Oh-so grateful for Betsy, Erin, and Christina who threw us our first 2 [donation] showers.
• Overwhelmingly thankful for the generous outpouring of donations to help us bring our babies home. We still can't believe so much was given so sacrificially and freely!
• Exceedingly thankful for my parents who've been so generous, supportive, and with us every step of our journey. Tears even as I type that...it means so much to have parents who still parent me as an adult.
• So grateful for the phone calls and emails I've received from those who share a similarly agonizing, painful journey that leads to so much inner change and joy. I'm grateful God's allowed me to be a part of your story!
• I'm humbled and grateful for God's patience with me as I take 2 steps forward and 1 step back in this transformation journey.
  

...FINALLY, I've been so grateful for YOU - friends, family, and those I've never met - sharing in this journey on our blog. Thank you!

Hope for our Future

"Hope" is such a loaded word. Even pregnant with meaning. I'm not sure I understood the meaning before infertility. Recently, I've been thinking more about hope. Hope in God. Hope in our future. Hope for our little ones.

I was listening to Rita Springer's song "Justice" [a must download on iTunes!] about her love for her adopted African son, Justice. She hopefully sang of "hope for our future", and it got me thinking about how we hope for our little ones. But at the same time they are also hoping for us! It was not our hope to experience infertility [although we've been committed to adoption for years]. And it's not our babies' hope to lose their biological parents. But the crazy thing about God is that he weaves hope into our losses, our deepest pain, into our less-than-desired futures. And hope transforms.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a often quoted verse, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" We quote it as a promise for purpose. But what's not mentioned with that verse is the 70 years of captivity and exile prior to the announcement of that verse. Ugh. 70 years of waiting before the promise! Yet God never leaves us in that waiting. Eventually, somehow, someway, hope and future are found in waiting. God's plans for us are good; it just might come in a different package than expected.

The hope for our future is in Jesus, and we also get to experience it through adoption. For that, I am grateful.