Relentless Pursuit

One of the many things adoption has taught me is the parallel relationship between God's relentless pursuit of his children and our relentless pursuit of our babies. I've never felt God's love and pursuit over me like I have since we've started our adoption. Even though this process is so painful, long, and not what I expected, I would go to the ends of the earth for our babies. I would never give up on them. Everything we've done I would do all over again in order to provide them with LIFE. And yet that kind of love pales in comparison to the kind of love God has for us. It's a glimmer of how far his love has gone for us. He went to the cross. We've only gone through We're only going to Ethiopia.
Out of his inexplicable love for us, he's adopted us from being spiritually orphaned into his family. And I have found my forever family in his family because of his relentless pursuit.

Showing Up

One year ago today I furiously drove home from church to get news from Brian about our 3rd and final IUI cycle. It was our last medical shot at getting pregnant. I threw open our front door, butterflies flying in my belly, and ran back to find Brian. We met in the hallway. He didn't even say anything. I knew. It failed.

I collapsed to the ground in tears. Brian held me up and carried me to our bed. I don't even really remember the rest of that night. Unimaginable pain and loss. That was the worst day of my life to date. It felt like a piece of me died. And even one year later, tears are streaming down my face as I remember that moment.

Fast forward one year later and we are expectantly awaiting our referral for our 2 little ones. Our hearts have healed so much and we are full and grateful for our story. What a difference a year can make.

But what I wanted to write about today was what unfolded in the week after that devastating day. I took the week off work to grieve and rest (my body had been through so much treatment in a year). And people started showing up. I remember who showed up. My parents sent flowers. Angela showed up with homemade Korean food that she and her mom made. Daniel and Cassidy showed up on a night where I was going to be alone and brought dinner...and a bottle of wine. Ed showed up with Mexican food and sat with us for over an hour, validating our grief, sharing about Jesus' grief. Lisa showed up with the "Anne of Green Gables" series. Our small group showed up to love on us. So many others did, too, through phone calls, texts, emails, and hundreds of prayers.

I remember who showed up because it carried us through that week in ways I will never fully understand. I will be forever grateful to our friends and co-workers who showed up those days. Once again, thank you. It will make sharing our babies with you even more powerful, humbling, and overwhelming. We love you and are so grateful.

Waiting

My mom sent me this passage the other day. "This is my story. This is my song. Praising my Savior all the day long..." (an old hymn from my childhood).

"...waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy."

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

Romans 8:25-28, The Message

Just to be clear, I feel VERY large these days thanks to nearly 3 years of waiting. :)