I heart U2 and Psalm 40. This psalm has been significant to me at 2 critical crossroads of Brian and my life together - moving from Chicago to California and throughout our journey to expand our family. This morning I found myself singing this song again, and thought I should post it. This is a "vintage" U2 video of "40" live from Red Rocks [kinda funny to see how young Bono and The Edge look]. Love it. It communicates such a longing of God's people for the new.
My mom sent me this passage the other day. "This is my story. This is my song. Praising my Savior all the day long..." (an old hymn from my childhood).
"...waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy."
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."
One of the hardest things for me in recent months is the reality that our oldest kiddo is alive somewhere in Ethiopia. Who knows where they are living? Who's taking care of them? Is (s)he sick or in need medically? I wonder if their birth momma is alive, or sick, or dying? And then I start wondering about their little brother/sister (biological or not). Is (s)he born yet or still in utero? What's their story with their birth parents? When will they get into a safe orphanage? Who will care for both our babies before we get to bring them home?
For a little while, those questions haunted me. They messed me up and brought me to tears. But I've been learning Parenting 101 Lesson: Letting Go. I've been learning that letting go doesn't mean that I don't care about their well-being. Letting go means that I put my trust in the One who cares the most for them. It means that I believe God will care for them - physically, emotionally, parentally - even better than I will.
Honestly, sometimes it's hard to trust that God will care for them during this waiting period. Not impossible, but hard. But the truth is that even when I have my babies home, it's a false sense of control, security, and power that I can ultimately protect them and care for them. In fact, God their Father and Mother is their Protector, no matter their home or guardians.
These kids are not my own. They are God's. Perhaps it's more obvious in adoption, but equally as true. Brian and I are gonna do our best to take care of them, but we will be learning to let them go every day.
GENERAL DISCLAIMER: The views expressed on this site are April's alone and do not represent the views of any ministries or organizations in which she is affiliated. (I'm told this is important to say.)
Coaching and training leader to their fullest potential. Author of a youth worker book. Available for speaking to teenagers, youth workers, women, and churches.
