The Whole Story

I've had a few conversations recently about the value of telling the whole story, not just the happy-ending, final product part of the story. Our story in starting a family is a long story. Dramatic. Painful. Multi-layered. Providential. Scary. Hopeful. Devastating. Years of story. How sad it would be to only tell a part of the story.
Our babies will also have a long story. Their story will mainly include Brian and me as their parents, but will also include a chapter of abandonment, loss, grief, new country and language. The months and years of their story that leads up to them becoming Diaz's matters, too.

In the wise words of a few friends, your WHOLE life story is valuable because God's written all of it. He has never once left them or abandoned them. He's been a part of their story since conception, and will continue to be even in our home.

I promise to say "yes" to the whole story - theirs and mine.

1 Year Anniversary!!

One year ago today Brian and I completed our initial online application to adopt with Christian World Adoption. It's hard to believe that happened 365 days ago!!

Much has changed since that day...
...so much healing in our lives - body, heart, and spirit
...Brian is less than 2 classes away from graduating from Biola (May can't come soon enough!)
...we decided on adopting 2 little ones, not just Baby Girl Ethiopia
...our house is physically more ready to bring home a couple little ones
...my ministry is way more prepared to be a momma and a pastor

Today, we find ourselves waiting for that much anticipated phone call when we learn the faces and stories of our babies. But for today, waiting is okay. We know there's a purpose in our waiting, so we are soaking it in and trusting God with every detail - large and small.

Thank you for walking with us this past year. And for those of you who've been a part of the years before our adoption started, you just get a closer and more real version of this story! Keep praying that these babies are connected to us SOON!

Happy Anniversary to us!!!

Showing Up

One year ago today I furiously drove home from church to get news from Brian about our 3rd and final IUI cycle. It was our last medical shot at getting pregnant. I threw open our front door, butterflies flying in my belly, and ran back to find Brian. We met in the hallway. He didn't even say anything. I knew. It failed.

I collapsed to the ground in tears. Brian held me up and carried me to our bed. I don't even really remember the rest of that night. Unimaginable pain and loss. That was the worst day of my life to date. It felt like a piece of me died. And even one year later, tears are streaming down my face as I remember that moment.

Fast forward one year later and we are expectantly awaiting our referral for our 2 little ones. Our hearts have healed so much and we are full and grateful for our story. What a difference a year can make.

But what I wanted to write about today was what unfolded in the week after that devastating day. I took the week off work to grieve and rest (my body had been through so much treatment in a year). And people started showing up. I remember who showed up. My parents sent flowers. Angela showed up with homemade Korean food that she and her mom made. Daniel and Cassidy showed up on a night where I was going to be alone and brought dinner...and a bottle of wine. Ed showed up with Mexican food and sat with us for over an hour, validating our grief, sharing about Jesus' grief. Lisa showed up with the "Anne of Green Gables" series. Our small group showed up to love on us. So many others did, too, through phone calls, texts, emails, and hundreds of prayers.

I remember who showed up because it carried us through that week in ways I will never fully understand. I will be forever grateful to our friends and co-workers who showed up those days. Once again, thank you. It will make sharing our babies with you even more powerful, humbling, and overwhelming. We love you and are so grateful.