Beauty from Ashes

Just when I don't know how many more lessons I can learn from this infertility and adoption journey, God drops another one on me! Dave Gibbons [Newsong's lead pastor - my boss and friend] shared today that our response to pain typically goes through a few phases. First, there's some denial or ignoring that the pain isn't that real or that bad. Next, we realize that avoidance doesn't make it go away, so we acknowledge the pain. Then, we learn to accept the pain in our life for everything it is. But the final phase that many of us never get to is receiving that pain as a gift from God.

Pain is a gift, though it requires a change of perspective to see it as such. It points us back to a God who loves us and promises to heal us when we are willing and open. Pain can be best teacher because it's a God's megaphone to our deaf ears [C.S. Lewis]. And pain can become beautiful because is refining, sharpening, and intensifying God's beauty in us.

Paul, the biblical author who knew a life of pain, penned in 2 Corinthians 12:9 about who God is near to us in the midst of our pain: "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." His grace is filling and fulfilling. His beauty is made perfect in our ugly, broken, "things-we-wish-we-could-change" pain and weakness.God is beauty. The psalmist poetically articulates, "For God is sheer beauty, all-generous in love, loyal always and ever." [Psalm 100:5]

If you are in some pain today, I pray that because of God's beauty you will find strength for today and hope for tomorrow. I pray that beauty will rise from our ashes.

**Picture above is of Brian's tattoo of a phoenix rising from ashes.
The image for him produces the true freedom we all long for.
Romans 8:18-21 is the Scripture reference he later tattooed on his wrist
to further explain this beauty and freedom from ashes.

9 Months :: I'm Full Term Baby!

Today marks 9 months on the wait list, and I'm about to pop!! :) Have you ever noticed that Africa is shaped like the number 9? Kinda cool. I know it's a little crazy, but I wanted to let you in on a little secret. I often think about how cool it would be to get a phone call "today because..." I've become quite good in the past few months of seeing how God might be orchestrating something intricate, beautiful, and complex for THE DAY when our call comes. For example: Today I think wouldn't it be cool and so like God if our call came today because...it's been exactly 9 months on the wait list - like a pregnancy. Brian and I are working from home together today so we wouldn't have to connive our way out of the office to run home to be together. Plus, I had a meeting that just got moved so maybe the call's coming between now and then. And this next week we are traveling and would make our individual trips so fulfilling and rewarding. I know. I'm crazy. Welcome to my world.

Would you pray that our referrals either come by tomorrow or after next Wednesday? Since, Brian and I are doing some traveling separately over the next week, getting our phone call while we aren't together feels yucky. Yet, we want to see their faces as soon as possible!

We believe God's timing is always perfect. Never late. Never a surprise to him. He's working together our kiddos to be prepared for our family, and of course we are also being prepared to be their parents. I know that looking back on this time, we'll see so much more of what God was doing than we have eyes for now. In my grandma's words, it's so easy to run ahead of God and need to stop and let God lead again. I want to follow him. Period.

Rub My Belly

Today at Newsong I ran into another adoptive momma-to-be and a very supportive mom, and immediately we started chattering "adoption updates". This other family just accepted a referral for 2 little Korean boys. I started going on and on about my year-long nesting craziness. We were laughing, they were giving me tips, and I was just soaking up being around these wonderful moms. Then, Maria spontaneously put her hands on both our bellies and squealed (if you know Maria, that's SO Maria) in delight, "You are both SO pregnant. It's like you're in the 3rd trimester. You're both so close to having your babies home!" I laughed back that I was in more like my 5th trimester, and wasn't taking offense that she said I looked like I was in my 3rd trimester. We all laughed! I was having so much fun in our conversation with Maria's hand rubbing all over my belly, that her act/words didn't even sink in fully. Driving home minutes later, I started tearing up.

[That's Maria in the black t-shirt, hugging me in the white hoodie]
God knows. God remembers. He knows that I LOVE touch, and I would've loved to have had my belly touched for 9 months of pregnancy. Maria doesn't even know that, but the Spirit prompted her in the moment to rub my belly. She was also sensitive to our other friend's referral news, knowing that it might strike me hard. It didn't, but as a mom she knows the aching of a momma for her baby.

Today could have been painful for a number of reasons, but God brought Maria and Jessica along for a great dose of laughter and belly touching.
I am grateful!