Pain Remnants

Even though Judah and Addise are home forever and we delight in being a family, pockets of pain surprise me and still sucker punch me from time to time.

Let me state my deep belief - every part of the adoption story is painful. Every part. The part where a child lost her biological parent(s) to death, sickness, abandonment, or in order to survive. The part where [some] adoptive parents suffer through the unimaginable pain of infertility. The part when the adoption process take five thousand more years than you signed up for. The part after you receive your referral and still wait endless weeks and months for governments to do their jobs. And yes, even the parts after your child comes home.

The current pain puts Judah on center stage. We were matched with Judah when he was 2 years and 1 month old. We entered into his story soon after he turned 2 years old and received very limited information about his family of origin, health history, and first home. We gleefully received about 10 pictures of our new son. And we so happy that HE was the ONE that God chose to be our son. He was a perfect match in every way and beyond our wildest prayers. He still is.

But this month Addise is 2 years and 1 month old. We met Addise at 9 months old and brought her home at 11 months and definitely grieve missing her first days of life. But one day this week it hit me like a ton of bricks that we have hundreds of pictures of Addise from the past 14 months and millions of memories of our life together as a family.

Yet it was at Addise's age this month that we first were introduced to Judah. Sucker punch in the gut. Hot tears knowing how much we don't know about his first 25 months of life. As his mom, I have no idea how to become okay with this other than trust the God who brought us together.

Without hesitation, it was worth it. The ongoing pain is worth it. Judah needed a family and though we've missed out on hundreds of pictures and millions of memories, we are creating them now and would do it all over again. Judah is worth it.

First time on a carousel. At Disneyland.

I Love Her Hair!

It may sound silly if you're white [or at least not black], but one of my prayers for Addise is that she would LOVE her hair as she grows up. It is so beautiful and such a display of God's creativity. This video is a fun take on what I hope for my baby girl...

Before we brought Judah and Addise home, I was on a research fury to learn all I could about how to care for their hair. I scoured blogs and asked ridiculous questions to my black friends about what to do and not do. I was determined that my Ethiopian kids would NOT have "white momma hair". My mom thought it was "so like God" to give me kids with different hair than mine because I LOVE hair so much and was thrilled to learn how to care for and style their hair. She was right. I now probably spend more time and money on my kids' hair than I do my own. No joke. I'm obsessed with caring for it, styling it, and learning how to do it better.

One thing I learned very quickly after bringing J&A home was that it's not a "one size fits all" approach. Judah's hair is actually pretty different from Addise's. Seeing that we keep his hair pretty short [for now] his hair care routines are simple, but if we were to grow it out his routine would be different from Addise's. So, the past year I've been a student of their hair - what works and what doesn't and have adjusted along the way.

I've had a few fun comments and questions recent months about Addise's hair because it's so stinking awesome! So, I thought I'd post some thoughts on how we care for her hair. The overarching philosophy I've lived by is using natural, organic products as much as possible. Chemical-ridden products only dry out their hair and frizz their amazing curls.

One of a kind she is indeed. Curls curls curls!

• Wash - we only wash their hair once a week. Washing more than that dries it out. I've tried a number of products and nothing has earned my undying love and affection. However, I do really like California Baby shampoo and Kinky Curly shampoo.
• Co-Wash - we co-wash their hair 2-3 times/week, including the day we wash their hair with shampoo. Co-washing is simply washing their hair ONLY with conditioner. Dirt and product build-up will wash out in this process but the conditioner will moisturize their hair. We leave in the conditioner for at least 5 minutes and use a Tangle Teezer before we wash it out to brush out the knots. The best conditioner we've found to date is Bee Mine Avocado Cream. Brian swears Addise's hair has transformed since we've started using it. Also, we only "brush" her hair after we co-wash her hair.
• Coconut Oil - this is my newest find and I'm WILD about using this on her hair. It's irreplaceable in my opinion AND the cheapest product I've ever used. I use this every morning on her hair after I spray on her detangler. I apply it with my fingers and work through her curls.
• Blended Beauty - This is my favorite product line. They are natural products and provide a great assessment to discover what type of curls your child has and then recommends products to help their curls. I've fallen in love with their Satin Style reviver [can't find the link]. I use that every morning to detangle her bed head. Again, I only use my fingers to detangle her curls. I also use Butter Me Up [leave-in conditioner] and Curly Cake Shake [leave-in spray lotion detangler] sporadically and without method to my madness.
• Sleeping Cap - I also have a sleeping cap that we've used at bedtime for her [that we bought from Blended Beauty], but we've had issues with it staying on and stretching out. So, we really haven't used it much in recent days.
• Hair Cuts - We have yet to give Addise one. Her hair feels healthy and I shutter to think of cutting any curls. Honestly, the only curls we cut are the ones that get too tangled to brush out. Judah gets a short buzz from Brian every few months with our clippers.
• Styling - her default style is a headband on stay-at-home or rushed days. We have every color in the rainbow, are easy to put in, and keep her hair out of her face. If I want to do poofs [either half-head or 2 pigtails], I normally style after co-washing or put in a LOT of detangler to soften the process. One friend gives her daughter marshmallows when she's styling her daughter's hair. I let Addise brush her own teeth. :) I've found that though sometimes we fight each other through the process, it's become a great way to build attachment with my girl. We've yet to do any braids or twists...I can't bear to contain her curls for now and LOVE her growing fro!

That's our story. I'm sure it'll continue to morph as Addise's hair grows.

Here are some great resources I've learned from in the past couple years:

• Watch Chris Rock's "Good Hair" documentary about African-American women's struggle with hair. It was so helpful for us as we learned about our kids' hair. Watch the preview HERE.
• Happy Hair Girl blog
• Beads, Braids, and Beyond blog
• Chocolate Hair, Vanilla Care blog. This blog is great for multi-racial families and encourages natural hair.

Just for Fun: I'm not even kidding, Addise whips her hair back and forth like this in the bathtub when her curls are long and wild. She cracks me up!!

Hope this helps! Would LOVE your thoughts, comments, and ideas, too. I love learning and getting better at this.

February In Review

What a month it's been. I'm humored that it's Leap Year tomorrow because it has felt like we've fit in at least one more day this month than is normally calendared. Referencing a quote referring to parenting little ones feels very apropos: "the days go slow and the years go so fast".

Here are a few of the highlights from our past 28 days...

The month began with a brave and committed attempt to potty train our first two children. With carpets lined with plastic and counter-tops filled with fun drinks and celebration treats, we began potty training first thing Saturday morning.  Judah was a superstar and was literally potty trained by his nap. Since then, he's only had a couple accidents and stays dry most every nap and overnight. His confidence, independence, and overall joy-factor has increased exponentially. So have ours. Addise is another story. Our strong willed daughter had no problem peeing all over herself and standing in her urine. Un-phased. We quit potty training her in about 24 hours after she proved no interest or desire to follow her brother's lead. Hopefully we'll get her taken care of before baby #3 enters the party.

You can tell Judah is already so proud (and modest). PS. his shirt says, "my dad's tattoos are cooler than yours". My mom bought him this shirt. Awesome.

Capri Sun 100% Juice was a great incentive!

So proud of him! Thomas the Train undies are his favorite. Mommy's favorite are Paul Frank undies.

Shortly after our potty training failure, our baby girl turned two years old. She's still topping the height and weight charts, as is her daily word count. We decided to celebrate her birthday by renewing our Disneyland annual passports and spending a couple days there as a family. Seeing the happiest place on earth through the eyes of our kids is truly magical!

Our beautiful giant on her birthday holding her "big" brother's hand. Poofs and all.

After riding "It's a Small World" at Disney. Fitting for our multi-cultural family.

Love her buttery skin, expressive eyes, and ever-moving mouth.

Exploring her blocks from Grandma and Grandpa. LOVE them.

We also were gifted by a friend with a photo shoot to capture Addise's 2nd birthday and our 1 year anniversary as a family. We went to Balboa Pier on the ocean and had a blast snapping pics of our crazy kiddos on a sunny, warm February Friday.

Loving each other on the pier

Like father like son

How do you put a caption to this??

Oh, yeah. And I'm now 6 months pregnant with our son. This has undeniably been the best month of pregnancy. Of course, I'm still exhausted and uncomfortable at any given moment, but I'm grateful to feel our son kick to his heart's delight. Last night I felt his hiccups for the first time. He also is very fond of digging into my ribs. I'm less fond of this. My pregnancy app says he's now 2 pounds and 10+ inches long. I'm dreaming of him exiting the womb with a head full of dark curls like his daddy and praying some Puerto Rican genes win out. In other news, I'm losing my belly button at an alarming rate, all my shoes are cutting off circulation, and rolling my body out of our Honda Civics is proving more difficult by the day. Perhaps the most entertaining pregnancy news was the overnight swelling of my ring finger. For 5 days I diligently attempted to remove my rings with every known technique and product. To no avail. Finally, I went to a jewelers per my grandmother's urging and they CUT OFF my engagement and wedding rings. The jeweler affirmed those babies had to get off STAT.

Before.

After. Yes, my finger is bruised.

I also began registering for baby #3 and shockingly realized that I have now registered for MORE items for our newborn/infant son, than I did for Judah and Addise combined. What?!?! The amount of "stuff" required for a breastfeeding infant is a bit overwhelming.

Brian's birthday and Valentine's Day also went celebrated as we got two date nights this month. What a gift!

Throughout the month I've also been doing some mad research on a couple major purchases that need to be made in the before labor and delivery. Due to 3 kids in car seats for the next several years, we have to move from a Honda Civic to a minivan. Yes. It's true. However, I'm getting quite excited about this purchase as my bulging body and growing toddlers are oozing out of our economy car. We are also exploring remodeling our master bathroom to include a stackable washer-dryer unit. The amount of laundry we do without an infant is mind-boggling and has become unmanageable in a shared laundry room. In an 1100 sq ft condo, we are having to maximize every square inch of our space. We are praying for some divine miracles in these two purchases and trusting God to provide exactly what our family needs. We've already seen him move in extraordinary ways and believe he'll do it once again.

So, that's our month in review. Celebration. Preparation. Anticipation. Here's to March...