The Antidote To Immaturity: Cultivating Humility (part 1)

Every day I work with and coach leaders from all over the country, mostly volunteer and vocational youth workers. One of my favorite things is to develop leaders to 'do their thang' and become all they've been created to be. The world needs more healthier and whole leaders who are fully alive in their work. 

Because I work with young-ish leaders, I also see a fair amount of immaturity in our tribe. The perception of youth workers is that we are some of the most immature leaders/pastors in the church today. I hate that perception about our tribe, but it's not entirely unfair. If perception equals reality, we have a problem on our hands.

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As I've worked with and coached youth workers, I've learned a few things about immaturity. First, what exactly does it mean to be immature? Webster says, 

IMMATURITY | noun

1. the state of being not mature, ripe, developed, perfected, etc.
2. emotionally undeveloped; juvenile; childish.
3. behavior that is appropriate to someone younger: they were shocked by such immaturity in a grown man.

OUCH – “behavior appropriate to someone younger”. If being immature is how we are perceived, I’m gonna bet on the fact the right response isn’t to point our fingers at someone else, puff our egos, and become defensive. That reaction will only exacerbate the perception of who we are. There's a better way. 

There are a couple key antidotes to chiseling immaturity out of our lives so we can act our age.

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First, Cultivate Humility.

Instead of combatting the perception with immature responses, what if we counteracted that perception with a dose of humility? What if we cultivated humility by asking our boss, co-workers, volunteers, and close friends:

• What’s it’s like to be on the other side of me?
• What do you see in me that I cannot see?
• Specifically, where can I grow in wisdom and maturity?
• What in my life and leadership isn’t appropriate for my age and position?

The answers to these questions from a variety of people would certainly require some serious maturity to listen to their responses and consider the implications. The answers to those humble questions would incite a mature action step (or several). The themes that emerge would reveal the logs in our own eye and invite us into the good work of transformation. 

It would probably do our immaturity well to say “I’m sorry” a little more often, lean into difficult conversations, and ask for help on a regular basis. It could also mean that you stay in a challenging work situation a little while longer so that you can be a peacemaker, learn about your own contributions to the difficulty, and be a problem solver.

We’d probably grow emotionally and spiritually if we looked for nuggets of truth in criticism, rather than relenting to the knee-jerk reaction of “reply all” to an email and defend our actions.

Cultivating humility isn't the silver bullet to immaturity, but it certainly is a powerful remedy.

Integrally connected to our willingness to cultivate humility is to counteract immaturity with…(part 2 coming tomorrow).

Cohorts Catalyze Transformation

A few weeks ago, I launched The Youth Cartel's second women in youth ministry coaching cohort. This group of 9 women are from 6 different states, 6 different denominational churches/organizations, and range in age from early 20s to 50-something. They've been in youth ministry anywhere from just a few months to over 15 years. They met each other on Day 1 and by Day 2 there was already loads of laughter, common connections, inside jokes, a few tears, and shared passion for the work we do.

At dinner after the first day together, one of these women boldly claimed it was her birthday (it wasn't) when a server came to our table inquiring if someone at our table had a birthday. She'll remain nameless, but here's a clue...

We laughed so hard we almost peed our pants. She was delivered a giant singing balloon. a fuzzy tiara was put on her head. And we all sang happy birthday to a girl who's birthday it wasn't.

She owned it. That's part of what I love about this cohort. They are owning it. 

In the 2 weeks since we met, I've already received 3 messages from these women about breakthroughs they've experienced. One young woman has been fearful and insecure about the teaching responsibilities in her job. So we talked through a game plan she could use practically and spiritually. She implemented that plan within a week and her confidence is growing. Another self-proclaimed workaholic emailed me that she was taking 2 whole days off this past week. She's grown tired of owning her workaholism at the expense of her soul. So, she's stopping that limiting belief and choosing a new way forward. YES! Another woman had a looming difficult conversation with her senior pastor. She was very nervous to engage in that conversation but living with that fear was worse than confronting her fear and leaning into a truthful, loving conversation with her boss. The conversation went better than she expected and she's moving into a positive, new workplace reality as a result.

Everyone made commitments about personalized next steps they must take in order to grow. Having the space to get away, learn, reflect, and commit to new practices changes us. 

What continually delights me about coaching is that we have what is needed to be the best versions of ourselves. Scripture affirms that we have been given everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). What being a part of this cohort does is gives these 9 women confidence to believe it. It gives them each other, which reminds them they aren't alone it all and that gives them courage to do what they must to do. The cohort gives them a safe place to say things they aren't sure they can say in other places. Several of my coaching conversations started with "I haven't said this out loud before..." What they shared wasn't illegal or shocking. But it was vulnerable and tough stuff and they weren't sure if those words are always welcomed elsewhere. 

In two days, we were strengthened and sharpened. This is just the beginning of our year together.  I cannot wait to see what God does with these crazy people...

“The women whom I love and admire for their strength and grace did not get that way because sh*t worked out. They got that way because sh*t went wrong, and they handled it. They handled it in a thousand different ways on a thousand different days, but they handled it. Those women are my superheroes.”

— Elisabeth Gilbert, author

(Special thanks to Granger Community Church for hosting us!!)