Start with "WHY?"

Why do you do what you do? 

Something motivates you to get out of bed every morning. Even if you go to a crappy job and earn less than what you're worth, there's a reason why you do it. There's some explanation into why you are chasing after your dream (or not). There's an answer to why you do a side hustle, get less sleep than you need, get up early in the morning, exercise religiously, carry credit card debt, or _________________ (fill in the blank).

Recently, I watched this TED talk about the power - and utmost importance! - of WHY. If you're struggling to articulate why you do what you do, or you need a shift, invest in your future by actively listening to this talk.

And if you watch this whole video and you feel like you need some additional support, let's connect about coaching with me you so you can move from here to there. You are worth it.

Scarcity is a Shame Conversation

It was one year ago this week. Brian, Asher and I were in Shanghai. It was our final day and we were headed back to our friend's house to pack our bags and head to the airport. We'd experienced such care and generosity during our 7 days in Shanghai, which had highlighted a few glaring truths I didn't like.

One, we could never do for others what had been given to us that week. We didn't have the capacity because of our own beliefs and realities.

Two, we wanted to be those kinds of people who bless others extravagantly, without strings attached. 

I knew enough of our friend's story to know that abundance wasn't always a part of her life. Sitting in the backseat, at a stoplight, turning left toward her house, I blurted out my burning question,

"Have you always had an abundance mentality?" 

I don't remember the exact words that came out of her mouth next, but I remember her relaxed posture, the glow on her face, her effortless smile, and the truth of her story generously shared.

Sitting in the backseat of her car in Shanghai I sensed a deep shift in my spirit. I sensed a journey before me that would move my self-limiting beliefs from scarcity to abundance.

For the last year, God has been dismantling my scarcity mentality piece by piece. I was arrested by Fr. Richard Rohr's daily meditation and have continued to do inner work to replace this false belief with truth. 

There have been several key moments this last year - primarily around finances - where I've had the opportunity to live in abundance or scarcity. I'm sure you cannot relate. <wink wink>

This last week has been another giant test. 

Disappointment. Shock. Loss. Conflict. As I've processed another painful experience, I've wrestled with looming questions:

• Am I enough?
• Am I good?
• Can I make it? 
• Will there be enough for me and my family?
• Is what I do valuable?
• Do I deserve this?

The truth is: Scarcity is a shame conversation.

Shame tells us we aren't enough; we aren't worthy; we are bad. But that's an inner conversation filled with lies, darkness, and scarcity. The truth is that we are loved beyond anything.

Abundance says there is enough, even beyond what we can ask or imagine. Abundance says there is a hope and a future. Abundance reminds us that what happened yesterday doesn't dictate the future. Abundance calms the angry fears that we don't have to hustle for our worthiness or our paychecks. Abundance says there's more than enough room at the table for all of us. Abundance confirms that grace is found in the quiet, not the earning. Abundance focuses on what you are gaining rather than what you are losing. Abundance illuminates opportunities and potential. Abundance shifts your perspective from hoarding and possessiveness to generosity and open-handedness.

Abundance is love. THIS IS THE PERSON I WANT TO BE! 

I'm still wrestling with all this, friend. I haven't arrived. I'm not bursting in an abundance mentality all day, every day. But I am steadily plodding to replace those questions with statements of truth. And it is some of the most liberating inner work I've ever done. 

My hunch is that you could do some of that work, too. Am I right? Our society, experiences, and sometimes those closest to us will reinforce that shame conversation in whatever language we are most comfortable to accept. It can be insidious and unannounced. It can surprise you like an intruder and take over your day. But shame is not welcomed to stay. Scarcity is as much of a perspective to accept as abundance.

I'll close with this beautiful piece of poetry by Tara Sophia Mohr from Your Other Names. You can see the abundance oozing out of her words and imagery ... even when scarcity is ever-available to believe.

Even in the struggle, you are loved.
You are being loved not in spite of the hardship, but through it.
The thing you see as wrenching, intolerable, life's attack on you,
is an expression of love.
There is a part of us that fears and protects
and defends and expects,
and has a story of the way it's supposed to turn out.
That part clinches in fear, feels abandoned and cursed.
There is another part, resting on the floor
of the well within, that understands;
this is how I'm being graced, called, refined by fire.
The secret is it is all love.
It's all doorways to truth.
It's all opportunities to merge with what is.
Most of us don't step through the door frame.
We stay on the known side.
We fight the door, we fight the frame, we scream and
hang on.
On the other side, you are one
with the earth, like the mountain.
You hum with life, like the moss.
On the other side, you are more beautiful:
wholeness in your bones, wisdom in your gaze,
the sage-self and the surrender heart alive.
 

The "It Is What It Is" Lie

Life can sometimes feel out of control and defeating. Can I get an AMEN? It's a shared human experience when "life happens", punches you in the gut, and leaves you slumped over on the racetrack of life. It can be beyond discouraging when you feel like you take two steps forward and one step back ... or worse yet, when you feel like you've made a step forward and then take a couple steps backward. 

I was just coaching a leader and he said, "I don't quit on other people. Ever! But I always quit on myself." STOP. Always? Do you wanna reinforce that language and belief? Our conversation bounced back and forth as he determined that up until now he's quit on himself when he's felt defeated and life has sucker punched him, but that doesn't have to be the narrative moving forward.

What has been isn't what has to be. It is what it is, is a lie.

I've started paying more attention to when people glibly quip, "It is what it is". I hate it! It's a statement of resignation, passivity, and complacency. Nothing is what it is. We always have control and contribution to what it is and could be. The future isn't set in stone. Your responses to what is and your decisions about the future will write what the future becomes. Your participation in life is essential.

When we say "it is what it is" it resigns us to participating in a better future, a solution, an alternative ending. It moves us into passively receiving what has been dealt to us. No one is inspired to live their best life when we resign ourselves to a less than desired future. 

Perhaps the better response is to acknowledge what "is", know our perspective is limited and recognizing that our perception isn't necessarily a truthful reality. And then respond with how you want to navigate what "is". 

What is now doesn't dictate what it will be in the future.

Your move. Your call. You get to decide what is today and what will be tomorrow. I've particularly learned a few practices that move me from the passive, victim lies of this statement. May they guide you as well:

1. Practice Gratitude. The brain science behind what being grateful does to our mental and emotional health is astonishing. Saying "thank you" often to people, God, and yourself shifts your mental trajectory. Naming 3 things you're grateful for as you start the day sets the tone for your participation in your day.
2. Take Ownership. Only you are responsible for living your life well. No one else leads your life. You must take responsibility for the choices you make, the relationships you cultivate, and the work you do. Blaming circumstances and others may make you feel better for a hot second, but it doesn't produce any transformation in you, nor does it allow you to lead your life well.
3. What got me here won't get me there. Past experiences are powerful guides and informants to us for the future. But they are limited. There are really helpful tools, skills, relationships, and disciplines that got me where I am today. But if I want to change the narrative for my future, it commands that I do new things to get different results. Learning, growing, trying new things, failing, exploring, and cultivating curiosity are all practices for me to reject the lie of "it is what it is".
4. Call me on it. It's crazy how easy passivity and lack of participation in my own life can sneak up on me. I work hard to live with intention, discipline, and from a healthy center. But I don't do it well all the time. I need those closest around me to call me on my poor thinking, unhealthy responses to circumstances, and lift my vision to what can be. I need my people to call me on my shit and my potential. 

Don't believe the lie. You were made for more and the world needs you to bring your best to every facet of your life. Show up and create a beautiful new future.