2018 Books I Loved

Leaders are readers.

I will never apologize for challenging leaders to be readers. Articles, podcasts, and online courses are awesome. I engage them regularly. But reading a book does something different in our minds, deepening our understanding of a specific topic or issue.

Obviously, I’m a big fan of reading. I read more than I can put into practice but it’s an important growth tool for me. Over the last few years I’ve been very, very intentional about reading books by women and people of color. I want to give my money to those authors and celebrate their work. I’ve been intentional to elevate these voices and continually learn from their non-dominate culture perspective. (I have a couple outliers on this list, but you get my point.)

I read more than these last year, but these rise to the top for me. They were the winners when it comes to self-leadership, diversity and justice issues, business building, and simply a good read. You can purchase any of these books below with my Amazon links (be sure to click each link). In no particular order…

Invitation to Retreat by Ruth Haley Barton. Rest isn’t my natural bent, but I’ve learned how critical it is to live and lead out of a fully energized and rested soul. Ruth compellingly moves us to toward WHY we must retreat so we can live life to all its fullness. Filled with practical ideas and specific retreat guides, I underlined so much in this book. It’s also required reading for my Coaching Groups; it’s that good.

Celebrating his book release

Rethinking Incarceration by Dominique DuBois Gilliard. I loved this book so much. And I hated the ugly underbelly of our country’s “justice” system. I got an advanced copy, promising to read it before it’s release. I didn’t fulfill my promise because it was such a deep, dense, and painful book to read. I wanted to soak in the statistics, stories, and the restorative justice vision. Dom was also gracious enough to come on Season One on The Global Fringe. He was brilliant and I’ve continued to think about that conversation even months later. If justice and racial equality matter to you (and they must if you’re a Jesus follower), this is a must read.

Raise Your Voice by Kathy Khang. Women’s voices are being heard more and more today, but we often get in our own way in our own internal conversations or in how we choose to speak. Kathy does a beautiful job sharing her own painful journey as a woman in leadership, weaving together the biblical narrative so women can raise their voices higher and higher. I hosted Kathy in Season One on The Global Fringe. She was sharp, witty, fun, and challenging. You need to read this if elevating women’s voice - or your own voice - matters to you.

A friend gave me her advanced copy of the book. I couldn’t put it down.

I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown. I wanted to read this book slowly over time to suck the marrow out of her wisdom, but I read it in less than a weekend. It was that good! I have immense privilege being white, but have experienced the marginalization of being a woman in a white male dominant culture. This book connected so many dots in my own story, but also opened to my eyes to the challenges of being a woman of color. Austin is a fabulous writer, her words weaving a powerful narrative that evoked emotion and righteous anger. It gave me language to further the justice work of equality for women, especially women of color.

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult. I don’t read a ton of fiction (sorry people), but I love to get lost in stories that reflect real life. The Hate U Give was my top novel in 2017. I couldn’t put it down! But Picoult won my heart this year. A heart-wrenching yet power-FULL story about race, privilege, justice, forgiveness, and hope, wouldn’t let me stop turning the pages.

Dr. Perkins with my babies - January 2018

Dr. Perkins with my babies - January 2018

Dream With Me: Race, Love, and the Struggle We Must Win by Dr. John Perkins. A year ago our family had the deep honor of meeting Dr. Perkins after he spoke at a local church. I told our kids that it was like meeting a modern day Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. They were rightfully awed. His book set a tone for 2018 for me. It’s a vision for for unity, equality, justice, and wholeness in this world not in spite of our differences but because of them. I’ll listen to a man who’s fought for civil rights his whole life any day of the week and twice on Sunday. The next morning I ran into him at the airport before both our trips. He was a consummate gentleman. He gave me two hugs, invited me to visit his work, asked me questions, and spoke with such kindness and purpose.

The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships by Suzanne Stabile. If you know me at all, you’ll know I’m a raging enthusiast for the Enneagram. I’ve never experienced another tool that’s better for growing in self-awareness and leading one toward the healthiest version of themselves. I use it in all of my coaching (groups and 1on1). It’s way more than a personality test and the Enneagram definitely isn’t a reason to excuse bad behavior. If you’re new to the Enneagram, I’d highly recommend starting with The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery. This recent book by Suzanne would’ve saved me a lot of grief in my marriage, friendships, and leadership if I’d read it years ago. She does a masterful job describing how each Type works well relationally overall and specifically with other types. Each chapter shares a similar flow including sidebar cheat sheets in every chapter, which makes it an easy read. Even though I’ve been a student of the Enneagram for 5+ years, this book was a guidebook for how it works in relationships. If you have relational goals this year, get this book. Exhibit A to the right of how my Type 8 interacts with 3s and 7s…

The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, MD. Truthfully, I haven’t finished this book. I’ve been SLOWLY working my way through it for most of 2018. As a parent to 3 kids with varying degrees of trauma, this book is a goldmine in understanding the human brain and how to bring healing. Incredibly well researched and tested, this book is ground-breaking for working with people who’ve experienced trauma (aka the vast majority of us). As a leader, this is book is vital to understand better the people we lead and how to love them well toward healing. It almost serves as a reference book to understand trauma’s impact on the brain, body, and relationships.

The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don’t Work and What to Do about It by Michael Gerber. As a long term visionary but new entrepreneur building a business, this was my last read of 2018. It was incredibly helpful to understand why most small businesses fail and how I can build a company on a firm foundation. I had lots of ‘ah ha’ moments and it was actually really encouraging on top of being highly challenging. If you’re building any sort of business, this book is a fantastic guide.


I’d be a terrible author if I didn’t share my own book. She turned 5 years old this fall, and amazingly enough the ideas and vision of this tiny manifesto has strong traction for youth workers and those who love teenagers. You can read it in a few hours, yet the concepts you’ll work through for years.

If you’d like a personalized, autographed copy, message me and I’d love to send you one ($12 including shipping).


Happy reading in 2019. I’ve already started by reading Michelle Obama’s new book, Becoming, and it’s fabulous. Swoon. I’m also a few chapters into a new mid-January release called Hermanas: Deepening Our Identity and Growing Our Influence by Natalia Kohn Rivera, Noemi Vega Quiñones, Kristy Garza Robinson, three Hispanic women taking us into deeper understanding of God and sisterhood through their experiences and Scripture.

LGBTQ Resources

The Global Fringe podcast

We wrapped up the first season of The Global Fringe podcast, with a miniseries on faith and LGBTQ stories from a few of my friends who’ve walked the journey.

One of my guests, Shelley Donaldson was kind enough to curate a list of resources she’s personally benefitted from as a Christian, lesbian, and pastor to teenagers.

I hope they will be helpful to you in your own journey and spiritual leadership….

FILMS:

Fish Out of Water - good for all folks with basic theology questions when it comes to the "terror texts", with pretty good scholars responding

For the Bible Tells Me So – referenced in the podcast … grab your Kleenex!

 

BOOKS:

This Is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids: A Question & Answer Guide to Everyday Life by Danielle Owens-Reid & Kristin Russo – highly recommend for parents and youth workers & pastors

Coming Out Young and Faithful by Leanne McCall & Timothy Brown – this one is from 2001 but still good)

What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality by Daniel A. Helminiak, Ph.D. – it's theological but it's also really accessible for parents, youth, and pastors/youth workers

A Brief Guide to Ministry with LGBTQIA Youth by Cody J. Sanders – HIGHLY recommend to youth workers and pastors across the board!

The Bible and the Transgender Experience: How Scripture Supports Gender Variance by Linda Tatro Herzer

Does Jesus Really Love Me? A Gay Christian's Pilgrimage in Search of God in America by Jeff Chu – it's a good read for everyone, the stories are amazing


Children/Tween/Teen Books:

All of these are book lists I would recommend and it's easier to send these rather than all of them, I've used so many of them at some point with parents of teens and younger.

LGBT Kids Books Huffington Post

Welcoming Schools - this has the lists broken down into specifics like 2 dads, etc.

Medium

We Are Teachers - books with LGBT characters

Common Sense Media for tweens

Common Sense Media for teenagers, the Aristotle and Dante one is a favorite of mine that my youth have loved

- resources curated by Rev. Shelley Donaldson

NOTE: I have not personally reviewed or used these resources in my life or leadership. I simply wanted to share what my guest has found beneficial in her ministry.

HEY! Season 2 is launching in February 2019! Become a Patron of the show to support the voices from the fringe. Of course you’ll get some fun benefits, but you’ll be on the ground level of this podcast making history.

2018: Designing a Life We Love

A magical Hawaiian vacation in July. Asher’s still wearing his resort bracelets.

Mele Kalikimaka and Merry Christmas!

What a year it has been. One of the beautiful things about a new year is the hope of what can come. I launched into this year with the invitation to HOLY BOLDNESS. I knew I needed to take some steps forward that would be uncomfortable, challenging, and reframe some mental models. I had a sense that changes were coming that I needed to prepare myself for physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. We were beginning our first full year “home again” and we were feeling settled in every way. I began 2018 with wild hope, sure commitment, and belief that this would be one of our best years ever.

Not quite. But totally.

I had a pattern interruption early in the year. I got fired from a job that mattered to me by people who I loved. It was shocking and disorienting. All the feels and the fears. One mentor said, “welcome to the club”. Another said, “congratulations”. I was reminded me that most of life is lived in the tension between pain and celebration. This pattern interruption resonated with that tension.

Getting fired catapulted me into designing a life we love.

There had long been aches and vision for something new. Dreams had been forming that I had a hard time ignoring but was too fearful to activate. Twenty years of developing and leading out other’s visions lead me to the point where I had to birth my own. One night at 3:30am when I couldn’t sleep from the grief and fear, I sat on our patio in the cold night air. Tears streamed. Questions overwhelmed. Fears bombarded my faith. And yet. Clearly I heard God speak, “It’s time. It’s time to design a life you love.” Faith removed fear’s grip and my mind was set on a new way forward.

Birthing a Dream

A scarcity mentality has limited my heart for as long as I can remember. God’s been faithfully dismantling those false beliefs over the past 2 years. This year has been fertile soil to practice an abundance mentality when I didn’t know how we’d pay the bills next month. And yet. We have all we need. There’s enough for us to receive and give. We don’t need to fight for territory or work. There is more than we can possibly ask or imagine.

For most of 2018 Brian and I have been desperately dreaming, designing, and developing a life we love. Never before have we been this excited about the life we are building together for now, for our kids, and for forever. Never before have we been so freaking out on a limb. I’ve been a visionary and an activist my whole life. I’ve been entrepreneurial, but now I’m an entrepreneur. As I approach 40 years old this coming year, I can see how my whole story matters and is coming together to create a company that reflects my truest self. Twenty years of leadership and teaching is integrating in my own life more than ever and expanding out in the work of my hands. And i’m positive God’s word to us is almost always for the other (Bonhoeffer)…for you.

But it’s been hard as hell. Most of this year has been frantic, unexpected, unknown, and overly filled with ideas. (I’m a visionary, people!) Even as I practice my best self-leadership, soul care, and grieving the losses well, I’ve found myself on the verge of a few panic attacks, not exercising well, working too much, and physically manifesting stress. Finances have been the most challenging ever. And yet. God gave us 38 financial miracles over the summer alone (Pssst, stay the course!). Fear and faith continue to dance around the center of my heart as we continue designing a life we love as a family.

And yet. With each month we’re increasingly committed that birthing this vision is what I’ve been put on earth to do. Designing a life we love isn’t just for us and about us. It’s for you and about you. Each of us is offered that potential. We get to co-create with our Creator to bring the most amount of good and hope and wholeness to this world. Designing and birthing may be painful, but it’s absolutely worth it. It’s necessary. Discomfort is required. Hope is essential. Listening is the way. Action creates momentum.

Perhaps this year has held a pattern interruption for you, too?

What has it taught you? Pain and problems can propel you toward your preferred future. Or they can sink you into depression, bitterness, settling for the status quo, and despair. Interruptions are designed to wake us up to the life we must live. They help to raise our attention to where we’ve been settling and excusing crap for far too long. Interruptions alert us to a new way for the sake of the other.

As 2018 wraps up, I’ll be grateful to leave her behind. And I’m grateful for what she’s taught me. Pain can position us for powerful connection and purpose. I don’t want to waste a single bit. What about you?

As we look toward 2019, what do you want? How will you position yourself heading into a new year filled with the same hope this year had? It’s not easy, but it’s a simple process.

I’d love to stand with you however I can.


On a family note, Judah turned 10 years old and will be taller than me in no time. He’s known for his sweetness and thoughtfulness. A recent sketching enthusiast, he’s the smartest absent-minded professor I’ve ever met. Addise is learning how to embrace her whole story because our whole story matters. She’s one of the strongest and most courageous people I’ve ever known and she’s only 8 years old. She appears shy at first but she has a level of intensity and passion second to none. Asher’s stubborn and fun to the nth degree. A math whiz and overly enthusiastic hugger and kisser, he’s the middle to our Oreo Cookie trio. He’s too smart for a 6 years old but at least he has a kind heart. Brian and I are partnered more than ever as we design and launch a company that’s the deepest reflection of our calling and passion. He’s working another job, as well, to provide a thin layer of stability as we are in start-up mode. He’s the glue that holds us together.

This year we fell more in love with our neighbors and neighborhood. We dove in (literally with the neighborhood swim team all summer) relationally. Kids can be found running around the block, ringing neighbors doorbells, and requesting playdates like it’s their job. Beauty walks around the neighborhood are common place and trips to the pools are constantly requested. We’re praying we can buy a home in this neighborhood in the next couple years … we love it that much.

Above it all, we are HOME. Our soul finds rest and life in this place. It feels as if this thin place is our place on Earth. We get to decide how we steward it best.

Post-Thanksgiving Trip Lake Tahoe