Mondays and Fridays

Mondays have started with loads of hope for the past 6 months or so. It starts with anticipation. Wonder. Hope. Excitement. A belief that I can make it another week. And a whole lot of surrender on a good week. Will we get our referral this week? Maybe this will be THE week!

In the past few months [particularly since we found our we were #1 for a referral...May 17th to be exact], that anticipation has heightened. I've found myself keeping my phone closer and talking in more detail with Brian about where we'll both be throughout the day. Brian and I have had some "strategic planning" conversations about what we'll do when we get the call - how we'll handle getting home as quickly as possible without letting anyone know what's going on and how/when we'll start letting people know [I've literally written this out...I'm SUCH my mother's daughter!!!]. I've found myself curious as to whether I'll want to make sure I have showered before we check the email with their picture [this is a viable question in my life] - to ensure a pretty photo op - or I'll just say "forget it!". While some people dread Mondays, I crave them. Mondays begin with those those questions and near gittiness.

Fridays conclude with another announcement to God that I trust him, that I wait for him. A proclamation that his timing is perfect. A re-commitment to surrender to his plan. A prayer for strength for today, hope for tomorrow. Sometimes Fridays also end with crying, frustration, and anger. Most weeks Fridays end with wine.

Next Friday [20th] will be 10 months that we've been on the wait list. One of these weeks, Friday won't come in the same way. Clearly, I look forward to that day!

Before I Blow Out The Candles...

August is arguably my favorite month of the year. It's culmination of summer. It's our anniversary (9 years on the 5th!!). And it's my birthday (31 years young on the 9th). I love this month. All of it. After 9+ months on the wait list, maybe it'll be the month that holds our referral, too!

Which leads me to a prayer request...if I'm doing my math correctly and time lines proceed as predicted (nearly a laughable sentence to write), these next couple weeks are the 11th hour for us. If we'd get our referral in the next 2 weeks, we'd probably have our first Ethiopian court date at the end of October. Then, we'd travel again for our Embassy date 6-8 weeks later to bring them home. Putting all those time frames together, we'd barely make it to bring them home by the end of 2010. If you've been following our journey for more than a few posts, you know this would be a huge deal - emotionally and spiritually - for us. The other factor, is financial. The U.S. government gives a great adoption tax credit for the year you complete your adoption. But if we don't complete our adoption in 2010, we'll have to wait an additional year for a substantial and very helpful tax refund for our expenses. This would be huge and hard to wait for with the expenses involved in adoption and (oh yeah!) parenting!

I've been spending a lot of time meditating these days in Psalm 40. I'm continuing to practice waiting patiently (verse 1), but verse 13 hit me today as a call for help to my God...

Please, Lord, rescue me!
Come quickly, Lord, and help me.

A few other psalms have resonated deeply:

"You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word." Psalm 119:114
"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him." Psalm 62:5

Yet at the end of August, my hope is in God. I wait for him, not for a referral. Still, God invites us to make our requests known to him because he cares. As Psalm 40 says, he turns his ear to hear our cry.

Prayer Request ::
We could bring home our babies
by the end of 2010.

Rub My Belly

Today at Newsong I ran into another adoptive momma-to-be and a very supportive mom, and immediately we started chattering "adoption updates". This other family just accepted a referral for 2 little Korean boys. I started going on and on about my year-long nesting craziness. We were laughing, they were giving me tips, and I was just soaking up being around these wonderful moms. Then, Maria spontaneously put her hands on both our bellies and squealed (if you know Maria, that's SO Maria) in delight, "You are both SO pregnant. It's like you're in the 3rd trimester. You're both so close to having your babies home!" I laughed back that I was in more like my 5th trimester, and wasn't taking offense that she said I looked like I was in my 3rd trimester. We all laughed! I was having so much fun in our conversation with Maria's hand rubbing all over my belly, that her act/words didn't even sink in fully. Driving home minutes later, I started tearing up.

[That's Maria in the black t-shirt, hugging me in the white hoodie]
God knows. God remembers. He knows that I LOVE touch, and I would've loved to have had my belly touched for 9 months of pregnancy. Maria doesn't even know that, but the Spirit prompted her in the moment to rub my belly. She was also sensitive to our other friend's referral news, knowing that it might strike me hard. It didn't, but as a mom she knows the aching of a momma for her baby.

Today could have been painful for a number of reasons, but God brought Maria and Jessica along for a great dose of laughter and belly touching.
I am grateful!