Grandparent Resources

[dad, mom, and me a few years back]

My parents are pretty freaking great for a thousand reasons. But I've come to love them more throughout our adoption process. They are SOOOOOOO excited to become grandparents to 2 little Ethiopian babies. They read every blog post without exception, and my mom cries at every blog post without exception! They have given beyond comprehension to our process. They bought Christmas gifts for our kids last Christmas. They pray for our little ones and us more than I'll ever know. And they believe these grandchildren will fully be their grandchildren.

Recently, my dad and I exchanged a handful of vibrant emails about how they can be part of our "village" and how they need to grandparent our kids. I didn't have many answers of what they need to do. I mainly just told him all the things he can't do and how adoptive parenting is "specialized parenting" - different from how he'll grandparent his first grandchild, Jack. He wasn't satisfied with my answers. Very my dad.

So, I pointed him to our case manager, who pointed us to a resource specialist. She gave the following list for grandparenting. I haven't looked at anything specifically [I've got my own stack of books to read!], but I trust this source. Hopefully they'll help you and your "village".

• Adoption is a Family Affair: What Relatives and Friends Must Know by Patricia Irwin Johnson is a good general book for all adopting families.
• www.perspectivespress.com :: has some good articles on adoption
• www.emkpress.com :: if you click on "Resources" on the top tab, you will find an article "Why Grandma Can't Pick up the Baby", and several other good articles related to adoption.

If you have any great grandparenting resources - articles, websites, cliff note versions to books - please let me know! I'd love to give them to my parents.

The Connected Child

I recently finished reading The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis, and it was fan-tab-ulous!!! I think it's a great parenting book, not just adoptive parenting book. Purvis does a remarkable job addressing parenting adoptive children from a deep, psychological, research-based, and compassionate perspective, while being highly practical and example-oriented. I couldn't read it fast enough!!

Here are a few highlights:

• "Compassion will help you be tolerant of a child's deep neediness, and to be forgiving when he or she doesn't understand something that seems so basic, like how to sit at a dining room table with the family, how to use toilet paper, or how to read people's facial expressions."
• "If you want to discipline or correct poor behavior, it is better to bring the child in closer, instead of pushing him away or rejecting him [ex: a timeout]. To correct behavior, stay nearby and keep the child under close supervision."
• "Effective parenting is a balancing act...an effective mix of nurturing and structure. When we achieve the right balance of nurturing and structure, a child experiences a sense of safety, a sense of trust, a release of control, the capacity to try to new behaviors."
• "Whenever a child is really wired, upset, and about to explode, that is clearly not a time for asking about feelings. (At these volatile moments, you probably should ask what the child needs, however.) A good opportunity to ask about feelings is when you and your child are sharing a calm and relaxed, interactive and safe time together."
• "Progress naturally zig zags. Mistakes are an inherent and valuable part of the learning process."
• "When a parent models the ability to know and accept personal feelings, it becomes far easier for the child to heal and handle his or her own emotions."

The Connected Child deals with seemingly everything from healing yourself to heal your child, to being the boss, to how to build new neurological pathways for your child, to building trust, to nutrition, to discipline, to dealing with defiance, to understanding their birth place, to leaving your child with another caregiver, and on and on...

This book has caused me to pray this week for our kiddo's holistic health and that they would experience life in all its abundance. If you're a parent - adoptive or biological, I highly recommend this book!