Mondays and Fridays

Mondays have started with loads of hope for the past 6 months or so. It starts with anticipation. Wonder. Hope. Excitement. A belief that I can make it another week. And a whole lot of surrender on a good week. Will we get our referral this week? Maybe this will be THE week!

In the past few months [particularly since we found our we were #1 for a referral...May 17th to be exact], that anticipation has heightened. I've found myself keeping my phone closer and talking in more detail with Brian about where we'll both be throughout the day. Brian and I have had some "strategic planning" conversations about what we'll do when we get the call - how we'll handle getting home as quickly as possible without letting anyone know what's going on and how/when we'll start letting people know [I've literally written this out...I'm SUCH my mother's daughter!!!]. I've found myself curious as to whether I'll want to make sure I have showered before we check the email with their picture [this is a viable question in my life] - to ensure a pretty photo op - or I'll just say "forget it!". While some people dread Mondays, I crave them. Mondays begin with those those questions and near gittiness.

Fridays conclude with another announcement to God that I trust him, that I wait for him. A proclamation that his timing is perfect. A re-commitment to surrender to his plan. A prayer for strength for today, hope for tomorrow. Sometimes Fridays also end with crying, frustration, and anger. Most weeks Fridays end with wine.

Next Friday [20th] will be 10 months that we've been on the wait list. One of these weeks, Friday won't come in the same way. Clearly, I look forward to that day!

5 Comments

April L. Diaz

April has been a visionary activist her entire life. She has made it her mission to lead high performing teams and develop leaders in the margins of society while caring for our bodies, mind, and spirit. Secretly, she’s a mix of a total girly girl and a tomboy, and is still crazy about her high school sweetheart, Brian. Together, they co-parent 3 fabulous kiddos and live in Orange County, CA.

Serving Changes You!

I can't stop smiling after watching this 5-minute video on the student ministries at Newsong!!! These are my people. I love them. I love our students. I love our staff. I believe so much in the next generation, because they are the NOW generation.They have changed me at the core of who I am. Join me in smiling...

Comment

April L. Diaz

April has been a visionary activist her entire life. She has made it her mission to lead high performing teams and develop leaders in the margins of society while caring for our bodies, mind, and spirit. Secretly, she’s a mix of a total girly girl and a tomboy, and is still crazy about her high school sweetheart, Brian. Together, they co-parent 3 fabulous kiddos and live in Orange County, CA.

Silence and #1

Today was a great day! This morning was rainy and chilly outside, so I curled up on my couch, sipped my cup of delicious Ethiopian Gobena Coffee, and continued reading a book I've fallen in love with: Lost Women of the Bible. Just as the sky was gray outside, my spirit's been a little gray these past few weeks. God's just been silent. It's felt like nothing is happening with our adoption. Then, I read this about Hannah, an Old Testament heroin who struggled for years with the pain of an empty womb.

Hannah was as yet unaware of how much God was doing in the silence. God's silence is not an accurate way to measure what he is doing. It's easy to forget he often does his best work when, so far as we can tell, he doesn't seem to be doing anything at all. But looking back on those long agonizing stretches of God's silence, most of us will say those were the times in our relationship with God when he was doing the most. In Hannah's case, although there was no physical evidence of his activity - no thunderbolt, no voice from heaven, no positive pregnancy test - God was doing a mighty work in Hannah's heart.

The silence has been deafening, confusing, and unnerving on my worst days. Then, an email came today.
Our case manager emailed to let us know that we are "on deck" for a referral. THE NEXT REFERRAL WILL BE OURS! The stretching part of the email was asking if we were open to potentially receiving a referral for our older child being up to 4 years old. Hmmm. After a couple hours of processing with Brian and my dear friend, Erin, we said YES.

We simply feel like we need to remain open to whatever God might have for us. We're already approved for a child up to 4 years old. Maybe there's a reason? Maybe there's a little one over 3 years old who's supposed to be a Diaz? Maybe God just wants to test our trust in him more? Maybe he's not done stretching us? The truth is, our entire journey toward becoming parents has been about releasing expectations, desires, time lines, and letting go so God can do his thing.

God knows the desire of our hearts: 2 biological siblings - boy under 3; girl under 1. But if he matches us to kids that don't meet those qualifications, we will say YES. We will obey. We made that commitment years ago when we started this process. And we trust that God knows best for us and our 2 babies.

PLEASE continue to pray for us and our babies. We won't know when THE CALL will come, but we are hopeful it's soon. There's still so much that needs to be worked out from our perspective. But tonight we celebrate!

12 Comments

April L. Diaz

April has been a visionary activist her entire life. She has made it her mission to lead high performing teams and develop leaders in the margins of society while caring for our bodies, mind, and spirit. Secretly, she’s a mix of a total girly girl and a tomboy, and is still crazy about her high school sweetheart, Brian. Together, they co-parent 3 fabulous kiddos and live in Orange County, CA.