Struggle Well! Wait in Hope!

A blog friend emailed this to me today and I thought it was so beautiful and spiritually mature. While sometimes well-intentioned Christians want to cover up the pain with spiritual language and slap Bible verses on pain, this is such a deeper spiritually formative way to handle pain and struggle...

"God says, never ignore your struggle with how I do things. Ask every question that rises in your heart as you live in this world. But prepare yourself to struggle even more with My response. You must stumble in confusion before you dance with joy.

Know this: those who live by faith will struggle in ways that those who live to make their lives work will never know. It is that struggle, to believe despite desperate pain and confusion that a good plan is unfolding, that will open your eyes to see Me more clearly. Is that what you want? Will you pay the price?

The price is this: you will tremble in agony as you live in a sinful, self-prioritizing world. You will learn to wait in emptiness and frustrated desire for My plan of love to reveal itself. With confidence in Me and hope in My plan, you will not only feel the pain of living in the valley but also see My glory from the mountaintop of faith.

Only those who struggle in confusion and wait in hope will be strengthened to struggle well and to wait with confidence.

Struggle well! Wait in hope!"

[from 66 Love Letters: A Conversation with God that Invites You into His Story by Dr. Larry Crabb, copyright 2009]

Persistent Prayers

I've been pushing my friend, Maria, to get into her prayer closet for us and pray for our referral to come soon. I got an email from her on Saturday morning saying she'd spent time in that closet at 1am praying for us and our babies. God gave her a Scripture that I hadn't spent time in throughout our adoption, but it was SPOT ON. Tears streamed down my face as a I read her email and what God had said to her about us. For now, I'll just share about the Scripture.
May it encourage and push you in whatever is stretching you these days...

Romans 5:1-11, but mostly 3-5

3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

The very next verse starts off with “6: You see, at just the right time”….

From Maria's email: "I feel it is SO close and God is planning it all. But I also felt that there needs to be a sense of “humbleness”. I’m not sure what that means to you, but that word just kept coming. But I kept feeling like God has been humbling you and He wants just a hair more."

I'm so grateful for friends like Maria who've carried us through this process and are waiting with us, showing us more of God and ourselves in the process.

Mondays and Fridays

Mondays have started with loads of hope for the past 6 months or so. It starts with anticipation. Wonder. Hope. Excitement. A belief that I can make it another week. And a whole lot of surrender on a good week. Will we get our referral this week? Maybe this will be THE week!

In the past few months [particularly since we found our we were #1 for a referral...May 17th to be exact], that anticipation has heightened. I've found myself keeping my phone closer and talking in more detail with Brian about where we'll both be throughout the day. Brian and I have had some "strategic planning" conversations about what we'll do when we get the call - how we'll handle getting home as quickly as possible without letting anyone know what's going on and how/when we'll start letting people know [I've literally written this out...I'm SUCH my mother's daughter!!!]. I've found myself curious as to whether I'll want to make sure I have showered before we check the email with their picture [this is a viable question in my life] - to ensure a pretty photo op - or I'll just say "forget it!". While some people dread Mondays, I crave them. Mondays begin with those those questions and near gittiness.

Fridays conclude with another announcement to God that I trust him, that I wait for him. A proclamation that his timing is perfect. A re-commitment to surrender to his plan. A prayer for strength for today, hope for tomorrow. Sometimes Fridays also end with crying, frustration, and anger. Most weeks Fridays end with wine.

Next Friday [20th] will be 10 months that we've been on the wait list. One of these weeks, Friday won't come in the same way. Clearly, I look forward to that day!