You Can Have it All...

You can have it all.

You just can't have it all, all the time.

Long before I became a mom, I was investigating what exactly motherhood would do to my full and fast-paced life. I ravenously observed moms (especially working moms), asked intrusive questions, and engaged in lots of discussion from women who's lives I admired. As I soaked in wisdom, mistakes, lessons learned, and whatnot from these amazing women, Brian and I had a bajillion conversations about what our life would look like when we had kids. 

Perhaps the best phrase that was given to me in those early days was from friend/mentor/ministry partner, Kara Powell. Over lunch she dropped this apropos bomb: "I firmly believe you can have it all. You just can't have it all, all the time." She went on to share quite honestly and vulnerably with me about her highs and lows of being a working mom. She shared about the necessary sacrifices of being a working mom. She shared about calling and passion and stewardship of gifts. She shared her heart with me and it resonated in my own.

Her story resonated with me on a deep level and since becoming a mom nearly 2 years ago, I can affirm the weighty truth of her statement. Basically, I can only do two things in my life these days: work and family. To me, that's my "ALL" these days. Allow me to elaborate.

I do not make fancy dinners 5 nights a week. I do not workout, like EVER. I don't do crafts with my kids. I don't go out with girlfriends every week. My house gets cleaned, oh, about every 2-3 weeks. Dishes are regularly found in my sink. I shop online because getting to physical stores is about impossible. I have several returns in the trunk of my car from the few times I have made it into a real store. I do not bake. My kids are bathed every 2-3 days (way less often for poor Baby #3). Day 3 and 4 hair is all too common (as are ponytails). I got my hair cut last week for the first time in 5+ months. I return voice mails at an embarrassingly slow rate. I have a dozen undone home projects that taunt me. 

But I think I'm a darn good mother (and wife...hopefully the hubby agrees) and employee. Those two things are quite literally the only things I have time for. Still, quite honestly there are some days when I'm an amazing mom and a crappy employee, then other days when I'm a shabby mom and incredible employee. "Balance" is an illusion and I do not pursue it. "Perfection" is the worst curse word. Yet at the end of a given week (or month) I can proudly look back and say "I have it all - three healthy and thriving children and a fulfilling, high capacity job." 

If we live in the same zip code, I could take you out to coffee (during naps, of course) and share all my secrets and sins of "how" this works in a our chaotic family of 5, but for now I want to join the women who've gone before me and exclaim, YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL. But it'll cost you some things and you'll have to be darn smart in discerning what "all" means for you because being a mom will illuminate your limits and highlight your competencies more than anything else.

Here's to women! I'm certain we could rule the world. XOXO

PS. For another perspective on this long-standing conversation, this manifesto from a high powered working mom is haunting, truthful, and challenging. I'd very much encourage you to read it.

Orphan Sunday 2012

Yesterday at Newsong for the third year, we celebrated God's heart for the orphan. I was honored to host our services and was basically a blubbering mess all day (I held it together on stage except for one moment when I shared the pictures below). I shared with our community how we take caring for orphans very seriously at Newsong because we see God's calling all over the pages of Scripture and because it's become so personal for us.

150+ million orphans in the world is an overwhelming - and sobering - statistic, but it became personal when I saw these two faces.

When we first laid eyes on our son, he was no longer a statistic. He had flesh and a name. And he needed a family.

And then this beauty took our breath away.

They were both so young. And beautiful. And perfect. And ours! August 16, 2010 is the day when these orphans became our son and daughter in our heart. They were no longer a statistic to us. Orphan care became incredibly personal.                        

The first Orphan Sunday that Newsong participated in (2010), we were in Ethiopia meeting our children for the first time. The ability to be IN Ethiopia ON Orphan Sunday was a miracle only God could do.

This picture was taken in Ethiopia right after going to court to legally become their parents.

Last year on Orphan Sunday (2011) we were blessed to dedicate Judah and Addise to the Lord along with three other adoptive families and before our church family. Judah and Addise were proudly dressed in traditional Ethiopian clothing. And I was secretly 8 weeks pregnant with Asher. Our family of 5 was exploding in gratitude.

Our children's pastor and another pastor dedicating Judah and Addise.

This year I learned the origin of Orphan Sunday: Orphan Sunday started in Zambia, Africa 10 years ago. Pastor Billy Chondwe’s church had only 70 members, many of them facing deep poverty themselves. Yet their sacrificial actions for orphans and widows set in motion a vision that has spread worldwide.

Pastor Chondwe explains, “I had no clue that by now it would go across the globe. I was just looking at it as a local thing. But when I see and hear what God is doing through Orphan Sunday in other nations, I just think, “It is a miracle. This is the doing of God.”

This year Orphan Sunday was celebrated in 22 counties in thousands of churches by hundreds of thousands of people across denominational lines. A unity focused on children so close to God's heart. He must be so pleased. Check out this video for more of the story. It will capture your heart. (Because it's long, if you want, just watch the first 7 minutes and then minutes 31:00-32:30. You will be so glad you did!)


Zambia's Gift to the World from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

My African brothers and sisters continue to teach me - and compel me! - to live out the Gospel even more. In a country where they are "lacking" so much, they are also giving so much more than we often dare. This passage read at the beginning of the video says it all...

Now I want you to know, dear brothers and sisters, what God in his kindness has done through the churches in Macedonia. They are being tested by many troubles, and they are very poor. But they are also filled with abundant joy, which has overflowed in rich generosity.For I can testify that they gave not only what they could afford, but far more. And they did it of their own free will. They begged us again and again for the privilege of sharing in the gift for the believers in Jerusalem. They even did more than we had hoped, for their first action was to give themselves to the Lord and to us, just as God wanted them to do.So we have urged Titus, who encouraged your giving in the first place, to return to you and encourage you to finish this ministry of giving. Since you excel in so many ways—in your faith, your gifted speakers, your knowledge, your enthusiasm, and your love from us^[c]—I want you to excel also in this gracious act of giving. 2 Corinthians 8:1-7

May it be more true of us.

No Matter What

We say "I love you" a lot in our family. Words of affirmation are big for me. And I think that with as much loss as my first two kids have experienced, they need to hear those three words continuously. Those most important words need to burrow deep into their wounded souls and heal over all the pain they've experienced in their short little lives.

An old friend that I follow on Twitter says that when she sings lullabies to her 1 year old son at night, she finds herself only being able to sing "I love you. I love you. I love you." over and over again. In this broke down world, I don't think there's anything more important for a 1 year old to hear above anything else.

A few months ago a friend shared that in his family they add three words to "I love you". They say "I love you...no matter what". When I heard that, I knew it would become a Diaz family mantra. Judah and Addise are just catching on to those extra words. Now sometimes when I say "I love you" I'll let it hang in the air a little long and they'll sing out "NO MATTER WHAT". My heart soars!

Today, driving home Addise was beyond tired. She'd played hard at church all morning with her bestest friends and she needed a nap. Twenty minutes ago. We'd missed the window of "no meltdowns between church and home". It was going to be a grueling 15 minute car ride home. I was trying to ask her happy questions about church and her friends and her lunch, yet everything I asked her was met with defiance and anger. She was determined to be argumentative and negative about EVERYTHING I was saying to her. This went on for about 5 minutes. Just for kicks, it went a little like this:

Me: Addise, how was church? 

Addise: No mommy. No talking church.

Me: Addise, you don't tell mommy no. 

Addise: No mommy telling me no. 

I was exasperated with how to correct her attitude/behavior and still safely drive my minivan (that's right folks...swagger wagon). I whispered a breath prayer and the Holy Spirit opened my mouth and I sternly said, "ADDISE!" 

Addise: Yes? (in her soft sing songy voice) 

Me (still stern): I LOVE YOU! 

Addise (slightly softening): Mommy, you love me? 

Me (a little more tender): Yes, I love you. 

Addise (sweet as sweet can be): Mommy, you love me...no matter what? 

Me (humbly): Yes, baby, I love you no matter what.

 ...peaceful silence for the rest of the drive. I couldn't believe it. 

I had a similar experience a few days ago in the car with Judah. He was whiney over something silly but it somehow linked to his wounded past. His reaction was nonsensical (which should have alerted me to his tears being historic). He wouldn't stop after all my sane tactics. 

So I yelled at him. I mean I really let him have it. 

I was so angry and frazzled and done. Well, that didn't work (DUH!). He started SOBBING and again the gentleness of the Spirit nudged me. I apologized to my son. I asked him to forgive me. He said he did. But he didn't stop crying. Ugh. So the Spirit pushed a little more. 

Me: Judah, do you need me to tell you that I loved you. 

Judah (crying): Yes.

Me: Judah, I love you...no matter what. I'm sorry buddy. 

Judah: Thanks mom. Love you too.

With those six words, he stopped crying and flipped a switch into happy Judah-boy mode. I think he saw a bulldozer on the side of the road and he was eager to tell me about it.

It's so easy to think that though my kids have been home with me for close to two years that their wounds are already healed because of all the love and intention we've poured into them. But these past few days have been reminders of how desperate they are to still hear...

I love you. No matter what.

I suppose they aren't that much different than you or me.